What would you do??

i’m a new FTM but I think you’re doing everything right!! I experienced something like this myself as a child and my dad did exactly as you have it was much better for me. sometimes what’s best isn’t easy and hurts feelings ! Dealing with so much inconsistency hurt me deeply and has given me struggles as an adult. you’re doing so good protecting her 🤍

Extremely strict boundaries are needed with the adult. Sounds you are doing everything right. You don’t need to totally love that person, but they need to respect your boundaries, otherwise I would probably even cut contact.

Your daughter will benefit learning about boundaries and safeguarding (and also being disappointed), so for her the learning will be really useful I think

I was in the position your child is in. If I could go back, I wish my mom had kept me away from the person. If they aren't willing to be amicable with the parents and the entire family unit, they could be bad news. This person was driving a wedge between me and my mom, actually trying to convince me my parents were bad. You'd never know from the outside, but she was also abusing me. My mom was right to try keeping me away, but I was so involved, and in so deep, I couldn't see things for what they were. I was 11 at the time. I would try to clear up whatever caused your falling out. Try to resolve it and communicate with this person that plans for your daughter must go through you first. Hold the boundary if you REALLY want her to keep the relationship. I think everything you've done in response to the situation is appropriate. Hurt feelings are normal, keep trusting your gut.
I personally would NOT trust an adult who oversteps. I've been on the other side of this, and what happened to me was sinister.

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, but I do think you need to go a step further, not w/the adult, but w/the child. This will NOT be the last time an inconsistency happens to her & the fact she thinks she’s okay w/ just pretending it didn’t happen will lead to more future harm. She’s 10, sit her down & explain why inconsistency is worse than absence & why it’s safer if you both set boundaries together bc you don’t want her learning this lesson the hard way. I’ve always been extremely honest w/my kids that way I can let them have the last say when it’s to do w/them knowing they know the consequences, bc just being prepared to be let down, rejected, abandoned, can help them see the positive side. I just helped my 16y w/ his 1st breakup the other day, but they didn’t take it well & tried begging him back, he explained that it wouldn’t be right bc everyone deserves someone who wants to be w/ them too, which is the exact lesson you have the opportunity to teach your child right now.

I agree with everyone above, especially Christina. I don't know how you've handled it so far. I don't know if you've tried to be too civil and not saying ath 'bad' about that adult, but you should now tell she the truth what happened and why it's concerning, that person doesn't seem to be remorseful and red glad is still there, sorry trust is going to be built slowly.
That should make your life easier. And you're not bad mouthing anyone. Just tell the truth.

That adult sounds scheming to me though.

I 100% believe you’re doing the right thing here, and I would’ve done the same if I was in your shoes. I know it’s hard because your daughter is too young to understand why you’re being “overprotective”, but you are definitely doing the right thing here and I applaud you for handling this so well. Like other comments here are saying, you need to be cautious with this adult being in your child’s life again, because they may project their disliking towards you on your child, and put a wedge between you and your daughter, and not only that; like Christina said she may very likely break your daughter’s heart again and it will be worse than the last time