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First time mums

Needing advice. My fiancé and my mother are at wars with each other and now I’m expected not to go to family gatherings without him even if I still want to go. What do I do?

So my fiancé and I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl last March and she’s of course the apple of all of our eyes. I’ll admit over the years my mother and I haven’t always had the best relationship but it wasn’t just because of her or just because of me we were honestly as bad as each other and both sides did things equally as horrible as the other. Back in October, my best friend (who is also a mother and we’re the godmothers to each other’s children) had my little one overnight so I could get to a convention I was working at with my friend’s mascot company which simply wouldn’t have been possible with my little one as her dad (my fiancé) was working early that morning and my family couldn’t watch her as they had plans. As you can imagine with a little one running around, we don’t get much time to ourselves so we went to the bar for a bit to let loose and spend time together. However, my mother walked in and honestly was quite rightly concerned where our daughter was and I explained how she was with my friend for the night and why. Well, I thought my mother and I were okay but I did feel bad for springing it on her so I did cry a bit. My fiancé stood by my side and reassured me that we did nothing wrong and there was nothing wrong with having a little break. To turn a long story short, my mother had a go at my partner because they had both had a few drinks and when defending me she thought he took a bit of a tone with her (I honestly don’t remember if he did but I do know what the both of us can be like after a drink we control how things come out or sound when we say them like I could say the most innocent thing with a foul attitude).

I apologised to my mother because I genuinely felt bad for how the night turned out for both of us because of this but my fiancé refused to apologise which was fine. But when my dad talked to my fiancé he pointed out that while he didn’t mean to have an attitude because of alcohol being consumed he could’ve had one when talking to my mother which is why she wanted an apology which I can honestly understand. My fiancé didn’t apologise until 7 weeks after and that was only because his mother spoke to him and told him to apologise for the sake of myself and my daughter. But my mother doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore because of how long it took to apologise and is pretty cagey about it. I have asked her just to be civil if she wasn’t going to accept his apology and she said she understood and promised me to be civil. This led to us having a talk where he told me that I shouldn’t go to any family gatherings or events unless he was invited. Christmas comes and after begging and pleading with my fiancé I went to see my family for a bit to get the presents for my daughter that they’d given her but I ended up arguing with my mother because I told her I needed to start to leave by 1.30pm or at the very very latest 2pm but I didn’t end up leaving until 2.10pm because she kept making excuses to keep us there despite me warning her multiple times of needing to leave a certain time to come home. We spoke about it and moved on from it and I had spoken to him about how I did what to attend family events with our daughter no matter what because it was family but that I understood his point of view too. This brings us to now. My mother messaged me saying my nana has invited me and my daughter to her annual new years dinner tomorrow but there’s no mention of my fiancé being invited. I asked my fiancé if I could go because he would be catching up on his sleep from his shifts this week at work and he told me again that he didn’t want me to go because he wasn’t invited. The thing is though, my nana has been on a downward spiral with her health for a while and we think she might have a bit of dementia so I treasure each moment I have left with her because we’ve always been really close so I really want to go. I’ve spoken to my best friend about this and she thinks it’s unfair to ask this of me especially considering my nana’s declining health. My fiancé told me I should say I’m ill of that our daughter is ill but I know that’s wrong because we’re travelling up to see his family on Saturday. I don’t want to disappoint anyone but I’m crying and breaking my heart because I really want to go see my nana but my fiancé has made it very clear that I shouldn’t go to anything with my daughter without him also being invited. I have tried to ask if he’d like me to try and get him to be invited to things when it comes to my family but he’s made it clear he wouldn’t go even if he was invited. I really don’t know what to do right now. On the one hand I love my fiancé more than life itself but I also love my family too and don’t want to push away from them. Any advice is greatly appreciated because I’m really struggling right now with all of this. Thank you.

Edit to add because I forgot to mention: this dinner is like a family tradition that’s been going on since I was a child. It normally happens on New Year’s Day but my nana is working so it’s been moved to tomorrow instead.

TLDR: Mother and Fiancé got into an argument, mother was upset over how he spoke to her and fiancé didn’t apologise until 7 weeks later. Now I’m expected not to go to any gatherings he isn’t invited to with my daughter including my nana’s annual family dinner party tomorrow and I don’t know what to do because I really want to go.