Is he unsupportive or is it hormones?

I always say communication is key, however, it’s also how you communicate. It could be both, hormone and unsupportive, in this case. Have you had a gentle, civil, yet transparent conversation with him regarding your feelings? If you have, you may want to consider a couples therapist. It could be very helpful for you two.

Hi - I’m not as new of a mom as you, my son is now 1.5 years old and have another on the way, but I go through these same thoughts and feelings! I unfortunately don’t have any advice I feel could help with this, so I’m just here to say I hope you get some good/helpful feedback and are eventually able to feel heard and seen. And you’re not alone. Keep your head up Momma! I look forward to seeing the advice some of these other ladies have to offer! 🤍

I think you guys need to find some time when the baby's asleep to try and have a real open honest conversation about how you're feeling.
Tell him about how you're struggling/what you're struggling with. Tell him about how your hormones/ emotions/ thoughts are going wild right now and you need help and support staying grounded and getting through it. Tell him that you don't want to build resentment or anger towards him but you're feeling frustrated.
And also be open if he mentions anything that he might also be struggling with.
Either way, I hope he doesn't get angry/defensive (which he shouldn't) and you guys are able to come to an understanding/solution to help you all move forward 🤍

Have a conversation with him, when I had my baby, I feed the baby and he changes the nappies when he’s there and does the housework and other things
8 weeks is still fresh and postpartum also plays up

From my perspective/experience, your partner is giving you 50% more than mine has given me up until recently.

I would have loved it if my partner cooked/did housework more in the first 9 months of our boy being born, our boy is now nearly 13months.

I had several talks with my partner about it, really do think that some men just don't understand how hard it is on us mentally and physically.

Our hormones are also being out of sync also dont help matters.

I get where you're coming from

In all honesty when my son was approximately 1-2 months old. My husband honestly wasn't helping enough and that caused a huge friction between us both and yes, it's hormones too because it does play a role during the first few stages of postpartum and I had to sit down with him and talk to him about helping out more. I had a fresh C-section at the time and I was running low on sleep. I was sleep deprived. Then as the months went by I went & spoke with a Perinatal Therapist, I was able to figure out what went wrong. I was being over accommodating. I don't know if that's the case with you, but in all honesty, sit down with your partner and tell him how you feel. Plus is your partner also having postpartum symptoms as well because fathers do experience it like the moms I know my partner did for a while.

Have you tried asking him directly, “can you do this nappy” and “ can you take him for a little while” or talking to the baby “you want some daddy time? Here you go daddy”. Also, “I need a break, can you take LO for a while”.
I’ve don’t this on numerous occasions and just thrusted the baby in his direction/arms and he very rarely says no. Sometimes I get, I can’t take him right now but in 5/10mins time.

I find that men dont like u to tell them what they are not doing…. Just tell them what you need more of and what ways they can show up to support u.

Thank you guys, I've had several conversations with him and he gets defensive or tells me I'm being self centred which I've been called multiple times since having baby. For example I struggled with the memory of labour so want a debrief, he said he thinks it's silly and it's disrespectful to our baby that the memory of the birth upsets me.

Sorry you are feeling this way

You might be emotional and thats normal - that doesn’t mean it’s negative, too much or shouldn’t be supported

And labour being hazy is SO common. So much so that a male friend of ours suggested my husband jotted down notes of what happened when during labour, and I was so grateful to read it back because it’s all a blur. Next time I’ll be asking for some pics and vids too!

It’s wonderful he helped you with labour and is now cooking and cleaning. It’s a real shame he’s not open to listening to you needing more. 8w PP is so fresh and you’re going through so much change and healing.

Also holding the baby is important for his connection too. We had an initial rule that I did the feeding and he did the nappies if he was around - many of our friends had this. Nappy changing is shown to be a great partner bonding tool with eye contact with baby etc, as well as just really useful when mama is exhausted and healing!

I don't think your partner is supporting the way an engaged father would. My partner does loads of nappy changes and chooses to do them instead of being told to. He holds our son as often as he can, he's currently sat in bed with baby in his arms. He plays with him, takes him at night time sometimes when I'm exhausted and helps sterilise bottles for me when I've forgotten. We even do the bath time as a 50/50 thing, me doing the top half, him doing the bottom half. He is very engaged and wants to be. A lot of men expect the main part of the care to fall on the woman because we gestated the baby and feed the baby but a man who truly wants his child should actively want to be part of as many moments as possible. I may have just got lucky as he's been there for everything with 100% engagement. He even cried during the scan when we found out it was a boy. He never cried before and now I'll walk in and he's sitting with the baby with tears down his face lol he loves that little guy in a way I never expected