SAHM guilt issues

Hi! So kind of late night rant lol but my husband is the only one with income for I do not work and I feel terrible every time I have to ask for money for anything, groceries, personal items, diapers, etc. I worked for 5 years before I had my son and I was so used to having my own money and spending it freely however I wanted. My job is letting me be flexible enough for me to take my son with me but my husband wants me to be a SAHM since my job was very stressful before. I don’t know what to do and I can’t help but feel anxious about both outcomes. Has anyone else felt like this?? Does the feeling go away??
Also I put it sensitive because I feel anxious thinking about this so I don’t want to make others anxious either

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Is your job something you enjoy though? If so or that’s just what you want to do then stand your ground. I imagine you’ve worked hard in your job previously and you deserve to own that🤍
If not. Could you maybe do some kind of work from home job? Which then gives you an income of your own and your husband gets the the fact that you are home with your son too🥰

I can understand your husbands wishes we’d all love to be stay at home parents for a while haha.

However that doesn’t consider your feelings or your mental health? It can be incredibly hard to stay home all day with a baby in toe and you’re struggling already with just the money side. You want to be independent and have your own money which is completely reasonable.

I think a sit down proper conversation with your husband is needed here you should then both be able to share your feelings on everything and maybe find some middle ground 🤍

I'm a SAHM and I felt awkward about not making money at first, but i contribute by taking care of the house and my partner contributes by taking care of the finances. In that sense, we're equally taking care of each other and it doesn't feel upsetting to either one of us.

Why are you having to ask for money? All the money should be paid into a joint account of which you both have full access to. Sounds an unfair situation to me

If he is the one who wants you to stay home there should be no money guilt and he should never make you feel bad for needing to spend money, if you miss your work itself and not just your own income then I’d say go back to work maybe even part time. But if it’s just your own money I think that’s something that you will get over. Once my husband and I got married nothing was mine and yours it became ours. Staying home with our baby saved us a ton of money on childcare so in a sense I am helping financially. That’s how I look at it.

If you’re married, it’s both of your money. You’re a team. I can understand why you feel anxious because the view of finances is putting unnecessary pressure on you.

I have absolutely no guilt asking for money, in fact I don't have to because we split everything we both bring in exactly evenly, as we have done since moving in together. The difference is at the moment I don't bring in money, just him. We are a team and I'm supporting him to earn that money! That doesn't mean there's endless cash for me to spend how I like but we have a budget for food, nappies, whatever and exactly equal personal spending money each month. We made a joint decision for me to give up my job so we could both have a better balance. You shouldn't have to beg every time you want some money for anything. It's actually financial abuse if he's insisting you stay at home but unwilling to actually be an equal partner with you and keeping all the money for himself. For me, if I was in this situation I would insist on going back to work or insist on full financial transparency and equality. Or leave him tbh.

in our community

Is it bad of me to think this or no?

My husband has been abroad for work (1 day and exploring for 1 day) for 2 and a half days which means I’ve had both kids (1 year and 4 year old) for 2 and a half days plus cooking, cleaning, taking them to clubs, bedtimes!
He came home late afternoon and said I’m so tired, I just need to chill. I said can you wash up whilst I sort kids dinner out, he said he’ll do it later which means he won’t do it and I’ll end up doing it so I said no do it now please otherwise I’ll end up doing it and he said well you have been home and I’ve been away so you’ve just been relaxing.
Don’t know what planet he is on but having the kids alone for 2.5 days is not relaxing. I was stressed!

When he was away, I did miss him and wanted him to come back but now he’s back, I want him to go away again😂
Is that bad?

Post partum dad

I have a 2 month old. A few weeks ago my husband crashed out because he didn't feel like he was getting to bond with her. I started exclusively breastfeeding around that time and honestly didnt see the big deal. Baby and I left for a few days and when we got back home, everything was fine. He was extremely hands-on. He helped with my meals, her bedtime, bath, stories.....for a few weeks it was great. Then he randomly sounds depressed af. He says our lo is better off without him, he wants to sleep all day , he asks me not to watch tv then tried playing a video game. He refused to reply to me when i asked any follow-up questions. Then he woke up our baby trying to race me to the bathroom first thing in the morning . He's doing a weird mix of crying, trying, and giving up. Im starting to feel like I cant handle him not being able to handle life with baby and just want to be alone. Are there resources for men?

Feeding

My son is coming up to five months and I just started giving him oatmeal and rice cereal. When can you start trying veggies or fruits? I only give him the oatmeal or rice cereal once a day right now which is what the paediatrician had said to do. I’m just curious to when anybody tried anything else with their kids cause my son eats a lot of formula and he’s VERY curious when I eat.

Really bothered by this

A friend posted this and it really bothers me because that is exactly how she parents her kid, and it's rather unfortunate because when our kids hang out together, her kid has a meltdown at least 5x within an hour. We have know them for years and it's only gotten worse. My kids will concede to hers, because they don't want to see their friend crying, but it sucks because they give up so much of their toys and enjoyment to keep the peace. We aren't hanging out as much anymore but it's rather sad to think she doesn't intervene more in her child tantrums and just let's it slide

My 2 year old won’t eat nothing but snacks

Is this normal ? He won’t even try anything I eat .. he really only like pizza fries and spaghetti… nuggets and snacks bananas some other fruit but like anything else he won’t eat if try but I don’t want to force him I’m just I feel like bad I mean he isn’t losing weight I breastfeed mostly still

Is this normal

Let’s say you’re at a softplay with your 2 year old, and some friends & their toddlers.
You buy your 2 year old a kids meal - chicken nuggets, beans, and chips. They’re very happy with it and have almost eaten it all.
They’re sat at the table, fork in hand, consistently eating, and have one chicken nugget left.
Your adult friend comes over from behind you, picks up the last chicken nugget, and eats it.
There was no indication that your child wasn’t going to eat it, and they didn’t ask. They just took it with no warning and ate it right in front of you and your toddler.
How you reacting?