I just feel romantically lost
I really struggle with physical attraction to most people. There’s always something that I can get over in the initial dating phases. I have a lot of male friends, and most of them have confessed feelings for me in the past, but I just don’t feel that attraction beyond friendly. I want to meet someone, get married, and have a family. But I just struggle to open myself up like that to most people. I’m 30, and I’ve had 3 boyfriends in my life. Two started with me forcing myself to be into them, and then it just kind of didn’t work out. The other one I was very passionately in love with, but he struggled with addiction and became unsafe to be around. I think about him almost every day and I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone that much again. My friends have tried to get me to sleep around in my early 20s to get the physical part out of the way first, but the only thing that accomplished was a lot regret sexually, and I became a single mother. Recently, I’ve been feeling the pressure of 30. I just really wanted more kids and a husband by now. I want to be a wife. But it feels so far away. I’ve tried looking at my male friends differently, but I can’t. Those flags are all still there, and now that I know some of them too well, there’s even more things I can’t ignore. I don’t try to be picky… I’m not looking for some Mr. Perfect. I just want that deep physical and emotional connection, and I don’t know if I’ll ever find it.
Sorry, I just wanted to say this to someone. Thank you for listening.
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As a late in life lesbian… who is demisexual… have you considered maybe men aren’t your thing? Comphet is a bitch and i didn’t even realize i was gay until i was in my mid 30s….
I really can relate to a lot of parts of what you wrote. Something that helped me was learning about personality types (like MBTI). Some people, especially certain types , don’t feel physical attraction unless there’s deep emotional resonance first. It might not just be about being picky or even about orientation. It could also be about how you’re wired to bond. If you’ve never taken it, it might be interesting to explore 💞
don’t settle just to be a wife.
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