Its a bit of a long one sorry
I am 32 and my partner is 44, we have 2 children together and he has 2 children from a previous relationship.
We just don't have fun together anymore, he is quite a serious person anyway but will always say he is fun etc. I don't remember the last time we had fun. We don't drink often but if we fancy a little drink we just end up sitting in silence and I go to bed. We don't have fun sober either, sometimes we barely speak to each other and if we do its just about serious stuff....
We have a 10 year old and a 1 year old together.
I want to reconnect with him, I want to fall in love again but at the same time, there is never any effort from him and I am a bit sick and tired of always being the one to try and build us again.
I have no idea why I have posted or what I am hoping to gain. Does anyone have any ideas on what we can do? Were are literally just co existing atm
Also to add, we don't have support with the kids, so can't drop them off and have a date night etc
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Have you tried mentioning how you're feeling? It could just be a lot of stress for him, and maybe bringing that up to see how he's doing and how he's feeling then mention how you've been feeling. If you can get a sitter to have a night. Like care.com has babysitters and I've thought about it if we ever wanted a night and couldn't get family to watch our son. He's only 3 months so that wouldn't be something I'd do until he's older, but sometimes you can find a teen wanting some money so you can try that. Or if he has any hobbies you can ask about them and try and connect over them. But first I'd just mention how you feel in a way that doesn't seem like you're putting blame on anyone.
I would think of concrete things he could do that would make you happy, such a plan a date evening when kids are asleep (assuming you don't have late sleepers like mine who sleep the same time as the adults). Then see what he decides, if he cant think of things tell him to look up ideas. And tell him its important to you not only to spend quality time, but also to feel hes making an effort to reconnect with eachother rather than everything being your responsibility. Then see his next move
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