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Vulnerable post: Is there such thing as the 4m+ trenches? I feel like I’m trying to stay afloat..

Next week I enter 4 months postpartum & my baby girl will hit, yet another milestone. As someone who struggles with anxiety, OCD and depression I somehow have done pretty well postpartum so far. I’ve always heard about the four month mark and as each week passed and I came closer to the four month mark, I still didn’t quite understand what these women were talking about as I didn’t genuinely feel like I was entering a rut. Well, next week is the week and this week has ROCKED me.

Maybe it’s because my husband left on Wednesday for 16 days, maybe it’s because I have officially hit a month of very little to no sleep, maybe it’s because I’m feeling extremely alone and isolated, who actually knows. Today as I was feeling joy of the memory of last September 27th when I found out I was pregnant, I simultaneously felt sadness, loneliness, anxiety, and failure. Failure that I am not doing a good job. Failure that I cannot make my baby happy or stay calm or get her to sleep. Failure that I’m not doing enough. I feel guilt when I put her down to try and get two seconds to myself or two seconds to eat food or two seconds to go to the bathroom for two seconds to try and manage an over flowing never-ending pile of laundry that’s accumulated from the last three months I spent away from home. I know I need to have grace for myself; every mother is told that. “Find grace for yourselves during a hard time”, but when my mind is racing and the baby is crying, grace is the last thing on my mind. Failure, guilt, sadness, anxiety, isolation, loneliness. Those are the words that come to mind.

Everyone talks about the newborn trenches. Personally, that wasn’t the “trenches” for me. Was it for you? People offer to help (maybe), phone calls, texts, gifts, deliveries, food all comes pouring in, babies sleep the most they will ever sleep besides to eat (yes that is more often), but it’s so different.

There is no more phone calls, no more texts, very to little support, no surprise check-ins or food drop offs, no offering to help watch the baby so you can try & feel human again, nothing. Most women go back to work, the partner has most likely been back at work, but for your baby everything has changed. They are more aware, more excited about the world, more excitement, are growing rapidly and hitting milestones quicker than you can blink. If anything, they need YOU, MOM more than ever. For mother’s these milestones come and go far too quickly, well before mom is even able to catch her breath or realize just how much time has passed, because she’s been trying to play catch-up with life and her mind since the very beginning.

So when all else fails, what are we doing mamas? Everyone tells you it takes a village to raise a baby, but no one’s willing to help build the village. So does anyone want to help build my village? This Mama could use a friend or two🥲🤍

Formula

Hey, I’m stuck on what formula to get, does anyone know which is the best as there’s so many different ones!🙈🤣

Struggling to space out feeding

My 14 weeks old eats every 1h30 or 2h otherwise he starts screaming. Same at night. I’m really struggling to space it out. He did some 6h stretches a few times at night so he’s capable but struggling here.

Nappies bins

Quick question, is it worth buying a nappy bin? Im pregnant with my first and I was thinking about nappy bins. My step daughter is just coming out of nappies but we would just put her dirty ones in the cats poo bin but with her she barely did poos when with us but when baby arrives I going to have a lot more pooy nappies would it be worth it getting a nappy bin. Thanks for any advice. 😄

Suicidal can anyone relate?

been depressed since I was in middle school now i’m 23 with a 2 year old drinking every day to stop from killing myself why does it never get better? Saw this story of woman who tried to drown her and her kids in a pool and honestly I completely understood. why keep a child in this miserable world. taking them out is saving them especially when no one would take care of them after you die anyways

B/F baby constipated

My nearly 9 month old I think may be struggling to poo, she’s gone a couple days before but it hasn’t bothered her at all.

Today though is day 3 no poo, she keeps having random outbursts crying, I just changed her nappy and she was crying her eyes out and when I say she never cries, that’s how I know something is wrong. It looked in her nappy like she’s tried to poo but hasn’t been able too, she’s not really having solids and with being breastfed her poos are always really soft.. not sure why she’s struggling all of a sudden.

Anyone else had this with their little one and have any advice?