Vulnerable post: Is there such thing as the 4m+ trenches? I feel like I’m trying to stay afloat..
Next week I enter 4 months postpartum & my baby girl will hit, yet another milestone. As someone who struggles with anxiety, OCD and depression I somehow have done pretty well postpartum so far. I’ve always heard about the four month mark and as each week passed and I came closer to the four month mark, I still didn’t quite understand what these women were talking about as I didn’t genuinely feel like I was entering a rut. Well, next week is the week and this week has ROCKED me.
Maybe it’s because my husband left on Wednesday for 16 days, maybe it’s because I have officially hit a month of very little to no sleep, maybe it’s because I’m feeling extremely alone and isolated, who actually knows. Today as I was feeling joy of the memory of last September 27th when I found out I was pregnant, I simultaneously felt sadness, loneliness, anxiety, and failure. Failure that I am not doing a good job. Failure that I cannot make my baby happy or stay calm or get her to sleep. Failure that I’m not doing enough. I feel guilt when I put her down to try and get two seconds to myself or two seconds to eat food or two seconds to go to the bathroom for two seconds to try and manage an over flowing never-ending pile of laundry that’s accumulated from the last three months I spent away from home. I know I need to have grace for myself; every mother is told that. “Find grace for yourselves during a hard time”, but when my mind is racing and the baby is crying, grace is the last thing on my mind. Failure, guilt, sadness, anxiety, isolation, loneliness. Those are the words that come to mind.
Everyone talks about the newborn trenches. Personally, that wasn’t the “trenches” for me. Was it for you? People offer to help (maybe), phone calls, texts, gifts, deliveries, food all comes pouring in, babies sleep the most they will ever sleep besides to eat (yes that is more often), but it’s so different.
There is no more phone calls, no more texts, very to little support, no surprise check-ins or food drop offs, no offering to help watch the baby so you can try & feel human again, nothing. Most women go back to work, the partner has most likely been back at work, but for your baby everything has changed. They are more aware, more excited about the world, more excitement, are growing rapidly and hitting milestones quicker than you can blink. If anything, they need YOU, MOM more than ever. For mother’s these milestones come and go far too quickly, well before mom is even able to catch her breath or realize just how much time has passed, because she’s been trying to play catch-up with life and her mind since the very beginning.
So when all else fails, what are we doing mamas? Everyone tells you it takes a village to raise a baby, but no one’s willing to help build the village. So does anyone want to help build my village? This Mama could use a friend or two🥲🤍
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Hey mama, I’m going through the same exact situation as you and I completely understand everything you have stated.. I have no village too, it’s just me and my baby boy day in day out. And he’s going through the sleep regression phase so I get you totally. it’s extremely difficult.. Theres easy days then there are days where everything feels all too much.. the only thing that actually is helping me is speaking to a counsellor because really how much can you rely on friends? Also, you just have to remind yourself that our little ones are growing up so quickly and this phase will pass by so fast too, we won’t even remember most of it x
Hey mama! Firstly.. thank you for speaking up about your feelings! It’s all still so raw and touching and you’re both still in developmental stages on who you both are while navigating! The trenches are a thing, you’re both going through massive changes that you do and don’t see! Such as developmental and emotional. I quickly taught myself that nobody is there to support you.. so support yourself! I try to take at least one ‘positive’ break for myself in the day, even if that means napping, doom scrolling TikTok or even doing a facemask! It’s so easy to loose track of ourselves and that’s okay… you’re human… you’re a mum.. you’re you ❤️ might not be anywhere near you but messages are always open :) x
I’m feeling exactly the same, mama 🤍 I’m in England, so I’m on the other side of the pond, but I think there are so many of us mums feeling this way and just not saying it out loud. I have a 3-month-old, a 5-year-old and a 3-year-old, and some days it can feel so lonely and overwhelming.
Your post really spoke to me, and if you ever fancy a chat, I’d love to connect 🤍 No pressure at all — even if it’s just the occasional message, a little check-in, or somewhere to say “today was hard.” 🥹 We can still build our own little village from across the pond.
Sending you lots of love, mama. Strong women supporting strong women. 🤍💪🏼
Hey Hayley sorry you’re going through so much, you deserve love and support, I can relate to you, feel free to send me a message to chat 🫶
I’ve come to realise that sometimes we spend so much time waiting for the difficult season to end that we forget to remind ourselves that this is a season, not a permanent state of life. The exhaustion, loneliness, anxiety and feeling of not doing enough can feel so consuming in the moment, but they don’t define who you are as a mother or how your story will always feel
I think we have to speak to our minds deliberately, especially on the days when our emotions are louder than our logic: I am strong. I am doing my best. I am allowed to rest. I am allowed to ask for help. This is hard, but I can get through today. This feeling will pass.
And whatever your source of faith is, lean into it. For me, that is God. I talk to Him honestly not just when everything is okay, but especially when I feel overwhelmed, lonely or like I cannot carry everything by myself. Sometimes the help I ask for looks like circumstances changing, and sometimes it looks like receiving enough strength to get
get through the circumstances I’m in.
One thing I’m learning is that nobody can always come and rescue us from every difficult season, and accepting that has actually helped me take back some control over my own happiness. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t want community or ask for help we absolutely should. We were never meant to do everything alone. But while we’re building that village, we also have to become gentle with ourselves and learn how to care for our own minds.
Try to enjoy the little moments, even amongst the difficult ones. Take the picture. Laugh when you can. Put the laundry down. Eat the food. Take the shower. Hold your baby and remind yourself that this particular day will never come again.
Motherhood has so many chapters that I’m waiting to experience still 37 weeks pregnant and I believe every chapter brings something different. Some will stretch you, some will humble you, and some will bring you so much joy. None of them last forever is the mindset..
So to every mama in the trenches: breathe, live , Speak kindly to yourself. Ask for help. Pray if you pray. Rest when you can. And remember you don’t have to have the whole journey figured out. You only have to get through today. your mind is the biggest power you have, speak to it and watch it obey you.🤍
You are doing amazing! Something i always say is take it one day at a time . Don't look at the future just take it a step at a time . Baby's are hard and putting the baby down and having a break is so ok you need that . Don't feel bad to not do the house work straight away. Eat sleep relax and bond .
Mothers are the strongest people in the world especially at our weakest, sending love and solidarity 🩷
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Vulnerable post: Is there such thing as the 4m+ trenches? I feel like I’m trying to stay afloat..
Next week I enter 4 months postpartum & my baby girl will hit, yet another milestone. As someone who struggles with anxiety, OCD and depression I somehow have done pretty well postpartum so far. I’ve always heard about the four month mark and as each week passed and I came closer to the four month mark, I still didn’t quite understand what these women were talking about as I didn’t genuinely feel like I was entering a rut. Well, next week is the week and this week has ROCKED me.
Maybe it’s because my husband left on Wednesday for 16 days, maybe it’s because I have officially hit a month of very little to no sleep, maybe it’s because I’m feeling extremely alone and isolated, who actually knows. Today as I was feeling joy of the memory of last September 27th when I found out I was pregnant, I simultaneously felt sadness, loneliness, anxiety, and failure. Failure that I am not doing a good job. Failure that I cannot make my baby happy or stay calm or get her to sleep. Failure that I’m not doing enough. I feel guilt when I put her down to try and get two seconds to myself or two seconds to eat food or two seconds to go to the bathroom for two seconds to try and manage an over flowing never-ending pile of laundry that’s accumulated from the last three months I spent away from home. I know I need to have grace for myself; every mother is told that. “Find grace for yourselves during a hard time”, but when my mind is racing and the baby is crying, grace is the last thing on my mind. Failure, guilt, sadness, anxiety, isolation, loneliness. Those are the words that come to mind.
Everyone talks about the newborn trenches. Personally, that wasn’t the “trenches” for me. Was it for you? People offer to help (maybe), phone calls, texts, gifts, deliveries, food all comes pouring in, babies sleep the most they will ever sleep besides to eat (yes that is more often), but it’s so different.
There is no more phone calls, no more texts, very to little support, no surprise check-ins or food drop offs, no offering to help watch the baby so you can try & feel human again, nothing. Most women go back to work, the partner has most likely been back at work, but for your baby everything has changed. They are more aware, more excited about the world, more excitement, are growing rapidly and hitting milestones quicker than you can blink. If anything, they need YOU, MOM more than ever. For mother’s these milestones come and go far too quickly, well before mom is even able to catch her breath or realize just how much time has passed, because she’s been trying to play catch-up with life and her mind since the very beginning.
So when all else fails, what are we doing mamas? Everyone tells you it takes a village to raise a baby, but no one’s willing to help build the village. So does anyone want to help build my village? This Mama could use a friend or two🥲🤍
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I’m sure once I’m producing milk and more healed it’ll be easier but right now it’s rough!! I gave in and introduced a pacifier too which I’m worried is why he’s not latching as much on the right side,
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