If you RSVP’d yes to a birthday party

No, I’d just have to grin and bear it but explain on the way that when we get home there will be no treats/sweets.

I wouldn’t not attend because those parents have catered for my child and that birthday kid is excited to see their friend. That’s punishing them all too.

As a mom that just had all but one of my friends with children cancel last second to my baby’s birthday (for good reasons) I would not be offended if this was one of their reasons for not attending. Disciplining a child is not easy, and being able to put your foot down with losing privileges shows that you will always prioritize their discipline. I think that’s important for a child to learn young. I’m a mom. I get it on both sides of the coin. However otherwise do your best to be the village that you want for your children.

No. That will just break your relationship with your kids. Kids misbehave... They can have consequences related to what happened and that birthday surely has nothing to do with it.

No I’ve been on the receiving end when kids havnt shown up for my sons birthday although not for those reasons and he was very upset. On top of that it’s the cost per head. Could it be they are acting up as over excited about the party?

No. I don't use stuff like that as punishments. We said we were going. That family made arrangements with the guest count in mind & their kid is excited..we are going. But i wouldn't say its was and then not follow through. I dont offer any consequence that I cannot or dont plan to carry out.

I really get both sides of it so I don’t have an opinion to give that hasn’t already been stated except I think it’s a little silly to say not letting your child go to a birthday party is going to ruin your relationship with them. It’s missing a social event, not abuse. God forbid a more insecure mom reads this and thinks her kids are gonna hate her forever over something so trivial.

If someone cancelled for this reason, I would most definitely understand and save some food to give them after the party.


Yes, I would miss the party and I would let the mom know that I will swing by the next day if possible to provide the gift.

Edit: they can also start seeing a pattern. For example, oooo we went to xyz’s party even though I misbehaved, so I can do it again with someone else’s party. I’ll get away with it again.

Depends on what they’re misbehaving about…. If they can’t learn to behave and act normal/appropriate/kind etc yes I would use party as a consequence bc you aren’t acting like a fool or being unsafe at a friends party

I wouldn’t take an absolute position. The key issue is the severity of the behavior because not all misbehavior is equal

No. We said we were going to show up so we do.

I don’t punish my children, so no. If we were already at a party and for some reason my child was just showing that they were completely unable to keep their hands to themselves or something of that nature, I would leave the party if needed. Because in that case it would be an actual logical consequence.

Whatever they’re likely doing at home isn’t related to the birthday party. When we rsvp to something that is a commitment made to that person, something that has apparently been made optional in today’s society. People don’t rsvp at all or they think it means they can just show up if it suits them that day or they can just change their mind if they feel like it. I feel very strongly about teaching my kids that you show up for other people and you show up when you say you’re going to, and that you take your commitments seriously.

I'd only consider that if they'd done something terribly wrong, usually only applicable to older kids who actually understand what they're missing. Though I'd explain to my preschooler that we'd have to leave if he didn't play nicely when we were there... Otherwise it's more of a punishment for the party organiser or the birthday child. If your child is under around 7/8 they'd likely not fully comprehend what they're missing.

Absolutely not. We made a commitment.

No. Maybe if they were over 13 because they are getting grounded, but by then surely other things have a better effect.

I think every kid has different learning styles and different types of punishment that are effective with them. If I thought it would truly teach my son a lesson about his behaviour, I’d cancel the rsvp. But it definitely depends on the behaviour and how important the party is to him

It depends if the behavior will also happen at the party. Some kids will keep it going and it’s not cute to ruin someone’s party. If you think the child will be cool at the party then they could go and then have another consequence.

As someone who comes from a family who would cancel everything for the smallest thing, no. We got stuff cancelled for not eating meals we were already know not to like. I don't feel like I learned anything positive from it.

not unless he would be making the birthday kids party miserable for them but that seems unlikely. i am not a fan of taking away scheduled plans (especially ones that only happen like once a year like birthdays) as a punishment.

We'd still go because it's not fair to the person who's throwing the party to say we'd be there and not show up. Id find an at home kind of punishment that only affects the kid that's in trouble

Apart from hurting the feelings of the birthday child who’s expecting your child to come to their party.. I believe you shouldn’t take away something the child can’t earn back, this typically means an event that was already promised. The child needs to learn of course, other things can be part of the lesson, but they cannot earn back the opportunity to go to the party, so I don’t feel that’s totally fair to take that away.

I don’t love the idea of taking away social time as a punishment because it’s literally human nature to be social. It’s part of who we are and it’s necessary and good for kids. I’d rather think of another appropriate punishment, but it wouldn’t be the birthday party.

Make him go onto timeout before the party. Trust me I get it my five year old is a gremlin lol.

If it was bad, I might not go - but it wouldn’t be a punishment. It’d be because I know she’s probably overwhelmed/tired and will probably struggle at the party

This was a debate in my local mom group on Facebook with most people saying it’s unfair to the birthday child and the other mom planning the party.

Another take would be, why would I want to punish myself by keeping my child away from an energy outlet?
Usually when my son is misbehaving it is because he's bored and has too much energy.

No because the birthday kid suffers. I’d make it clear what they were doing wrong, why they were still going, and that we would talk about it all after to sort things