Am I in the wrong?

I answered the question at the end of your post! So I clicked yes… but you ARE being reasonable. Definitely not in the wrong. Protect your peace

Yes, you 100% are being reasonable, that women is crazy, jealous, childish, and disrespectful towards you. She's not worth the energy, forget about her, and be happy with your family. You don't need that kind of negative energy. Congratulations on baby number 2 🥰

To be honest you’ve tolerated a hell of a lot more than you even should have had to. The moment she decided to announce she ‘didn’t like you as a person’ and blocked you, that would have been it for me. I have dealt with the most toxic of all MIL’s who my husband cut off shortly after we got married. The one thing I’m so very grateful for is not having to deal with her shit whilst post partum, caring for a newborn whilst recovering is hard enough without having to deal with volatile inconsistent family members, letting her back in just tells her that it’s okay to pick up and drop your family when it’s suits her, and that her treatment of you is acceptable when it’s absolutely not.
If you or your partner don’t feel like you’re at a point where you wish to cut her off, at the very least he needs to have a strong conversation one on one with her about her behaviour being unacceptable for a number of years and that you will no longer be tolerating it.

Thanks guys! Honestly I’m the quietest most anxious soul ever and have never done anything to her for her to treat me this way😩

My partner has decided to cut her off as I mean she’s effectively not been a great mother to him in all of this either and this his choice ❤️

I answered the poll wrong as I'm used to it being worded 'am I being unreasonable' sorry! She needs to grow up and stop being petty and realise how her actions and behaviour effect the people around her

You’ve worded the question badly so I clicked no “you’re not in the wrong” I think from the comments here you can see that actually it’s probably 100% of responses saying that you are right. You’ve tolerated a lot over the years, she isn’t a consistent or safe person to have in your children’s lives and she is a mental drain on you and your partner. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this but I’d stick to it and say she can’t see the children. If she’s genuine she would understand and slowly start to build your trust in other ways before asking to be back in your lives but 99% chance that she would just repeat the same thing and you’d end up picking up the pieces again in another year or so

I've read the post and answered the question at the bottom - so sorry as I meant NO you are NOT in the wrong and YES you are being reasonable. She sounds awful, and tbh I wonder who was the blame for the divorce. My partner's mum hates me as well- it started when we got together as they were living together and he was her financial support basically. It then got worse when I feel pregnant as he was then moving into my home. She made comments such as 'thats it now then' 'now I have nowhere to live' rather than congratulating us on our pregnancy. She's been very 'off' with me for years now but tolerates me just enough. She gets me a birthday card and gift/ she makes small talk when we see her (rarely) but she's not overly interested in our child and will often make excuses and is 'busy' whenever we suggested a meet up. As a result our child isn't fussed about her and isn't excited not sad if she does/ doesn't see her. Just any other person to her.

You definitely aren’t being unreasonable, you’ve dealt with a hell of a lot more than I would’ve. Completely get where you’re coming from, my mother is very similar to this, not as bad but every day I’m an edged closer to cutting contact. You need to protect your, your husbands, and your children’s safety and wellbeing. She is clearly not trying to do that. You’re doing amazing mama!

The question in the title and the question at the end of your post are contradictory! I clicked YES to the last question, not the title!!

No, you are not wrong.
Yes, you are being reasonable!

I also hit the wrong answer. I read it as “Am I being UNreasonable?”

I’m surprised you’ve both put up with her shit for this long tbh. She’s a selfish narcissist who needs to realise how much she’s pushed her own family away.

No, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. She’s had her chances and time and time again she’s proven she’s inconsistent. If she wants to be involved, she needs to suck it up with whatever beef she has with you for the sake of those kids. You can dislike someone and still be civil.

However, trying to think of the children in this scenario. Clearly she has some stuff going on, and her own issues here. But it is a shame for your kids to lose out on a relationship with their grandmother - IF (and this is a big if!) she can put aside her issues and act like a decent person. So that being said, I also don’t think it would be unreasonable to give her one last chance to make this right. But if you were to go down that road, your partner needs to have an honest conversation with her. She needs to understand what your expectations are, ie that she will be nothing but civil towards you, and anything else will mean those ties are cut for good.

And ultimately, only if you now want to.

Yes, you’re being completely reasonable. And honestly, you didn’t word the question wrong or badly — some people just didn’t read it carefully or rushed through it 🙄. Saying “I misunderstood because I can’t read and comprehend it properly” feels a bit manipulative to me. I understood exactly what you meant on the first read. Lol. I love how reasonable you’re being about it!

Stop associating with her and stop allowing her to be hot and cold with you, your husband and your children. That’s not fair to any one of you. What I see is jealously. Do not allow her to corrupt what you both are building! Keep people like that at an arms distance. You are doing great mama!

I answered the question as ‘no, youre not in the wrong’, inconsistency by choice is definitely not what your children need ❤️

Family is family... She sounds awful, but she's probably bipolar and suffers regularly with depression. Draw your boundaries as you see fit. Personally I would just accept that she's a seasonal grandparent and try not to allow her drama rub off on your family. If it was a parent - sure, you would demand consistency. But she's not a parent. She's somebody who should have limited access to your lives regardless of what season she's in. But unless she's abusive toward you or the kids when she is there, I'd let her know the door is open. Just don't ever depend on her for anything

MIL needs to fix her relationship with you first. She needs to respect that her son has chosen to have you has his family and create a family with. Its his life not hers. Once she starts respecting you has her son's wife and mother of her grandchildren than she can work on reestablishing a relationship with the her son's family and showing she can be consistent

Apologies all - sorry poll is confusing 🙈 I’m just going by all your comments ❤️

I wouldn't allow it. I've also cut my mother off for her inconsistency and just too toxic to be around a child. It's our job as parents to protect them at all costs. And if it means cutting off those toxic people then so be it. How the heck is she a grown woman but can't act like it. Smdh. 🤦‍♀️

You're feelings are reasonable. They say that you see which parents truly wanted to raise kids by how much they come around and care about their grandkids. I'm not saying your MIL didnt exactly want your husband, but maybe she wasn't prepared for being replaced, and still wants her baby, not yours.
When I first got with my now husband he was supporting his house and hers. A few years down the line he told her he can't do it anymore, and that she'd have to find work. We feel she blames me for taking away the freedom he gave her. She does well and owns her house and makes enough money to even fix it up occasionally (she just got it painted and reroofed on her own). That being said she only calls to complain about her workplace and never asks about me, or him, or our pregnancies/loss. Every time we see her she ignores me and talks directly to him. We've already had the discussion that she will not play a major roll in our kid's lives, because we aren't going to give her the option to treat them how she treats me