Resentment and placing blame on partner
Firstly, please don’t judge me - I’m aware all my thoughts aren’t rational and I do already feel badly about them
I’m finding myself becoming easily frustrated, annoyed, and placing a lot of blame on my partner for many things. Now I’d get it if he was rubbish but he’s not - he has the baby straight away when he gets home from work, he lets me get ready and shower before he goes to work, he pitches in with the chores and gives me any time I ask for off. He doesn’t go out loads either.
I do a lot of the mental labour - realising we need more of and purchasing clothes, milk, groceries, deciding dinner, cooking, cleaning, thinking about what baby needs, etc.
However I just find myself annoyed and blaming him for so many things I find difficult. I know this isn’t fair, but it’s almost like I’m angry that he’s finding it easy and I’m not. Angry if I’ve just got the baby to sleep and he doesn’t think and closes doors to loudly. Angry when he doesn’t dress baby warm enough, or when he puts him in a car seat with a coat on. When he forgets a blanket or doesn’t wash his hands and plays with him. When hes snoring and I’ve just got the baby to drift off.
We have had many conversations and he has tried to take loads off me but it never feels like enough for me to stop being annoyed with him.
Am I experiencing some sort of post partum mental health issues? I find myself upset and crying a lot. any advice would help.
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Oh girl 🥺❤️ I relate to this so much. My partner truly couldn’t have done more for me, yet I still found myself feeling resentment towards him. I think it came from how, from the outside, it looked like his life stayed relatively the same after the baby. Meanwhile, I was the one going through pregnancy, birth, postpartum hormones, and the isolation of maternity leave, even though he supported me through it all.
He was going out to work, speaking to other adults, having normal conversations… and I was at home, thinking about the baby 24/7. It felt like I had completely lost myself in motherhood, while he still had his sense of identity. I just missed feeling like me again and wanted some sense of normality back.
Things started to improve once I opened up to him about how I was feeling, I just needed to say it out loud. Going back to work part-time helped me, giving me a bit of my old routine and identity back. And as my baby’s gotten older, I’ve slowly started to find myself again too 🤍
I did a 10-week perinatal group therapy programme run by Mind, which I found helpful and would recommend.
I also made an effort to prioritise self-care. Eating well, staying hydrated (with added electrolytes), movement when I could. Took my vitamins daily, arranged blood tests to identify any issues, B12 booster injections. Having a simple routine for myself, making my bed every morning, showering, and doing things I enjoy, like watching series, listening to music, reading, going to church, and spending time with my partner. Also rest !
Creating a consistent routine for my baby was beneficial. From early on, she settled into a pattern, with a bath at 7pm then bedtime. I balanced contact naps with putting her down to sleep independently, as I didn’t want her to rely on contact sleeping. As she got older, I began placing her down drowsy, with a dummy, which helped her learn to self-settle.
All of these small steps helped improve her sleep, which has allowed me to rest better.
Ahhh you are not alone! Could have written this myself
Something Im working on and hoping the more I find my feet again, the less I'll feel this way
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