Feeling like a failure

My baby is 10 months old and has slept through the night, maybe twice. Now she wakes around 5 times a night, sometimes more. I dont remember what it was like to have a continuous full night's sleep. We cosleep as a result because I just couldn't survive. I was falling asleep holding her at 4 months old and knew things were becoming dangerous.

Food was a long and slow journey. I started at 5.5 months old, and she honestly barely ate anything until she hit 8.5 months old around the time she began crawling. Some days she still doesn't eat much and other days she will explore food more. My biggest advice is this. Keep going! Offer food when you're eating and let him explore it. Take away the plate and put a small amount in front of him at a time. Add some flavour. My daughter loves garlic of all things. Practice with a spoon, baby led weaning and purees. I do a whole mixture. If it goes on the floor, it goes on the floor, but I assure you eventually it will go in the mouth.

Most importantly, keep meal time fun!

Babies are very cautious with food. Its funny they stick everything else in their mouth but food is where they draw the line. Eat the food, show him how its done. Play with the food. Exaggerated eating and sounds. Sing, let him play with the spoon and explore texture. Dont get stressed. They know it when you're stressed and it'll make them less likely to eat. Go with the flow, embrace the mess and remember no matter whether it ends up on the floor, all over his hands, face and everywhere but in his mouth its still a success and a step in the right direction. Also babies need to try foods several times before they determine if they like it or not.

I could have written this - same on the sleep, same on the food, same on trying a sleep consultant to no avail. I feel the same way you do, like I’ve failed. I think it’s normal we feel this way; when everything seems to be a struggle. No advice just wanted to say you aren’t alone

I found this age the toughest stage to be honest ! It feels like there are more expectations around food and sleep etc but you still feel very in the thick of it. Not to mention they’re starting to get on the move !
My baby never slept through the night til 18mo and a normal night would be 5+ wakeups. That doesn’t make it any easier to hear I’m sure but know you’re not alone and maybe it’s more normal than people like to make us think!
We coslept too just because it was the more peaceful option and I followed the ‘safe sleep 7 rules’.

With regard to food, I notice my LO gets fussy any time I intervene, such as offering foods, loading her spoon or make any type of fuss around what’s on her plate. Even now!
So I would leave her to explore while I kept a watchful eye on her and we got there eventually.
You’re doing your best and if baby is happy - that is enough ❤️

Hi , when my boy was 9 months old he hadnt slept through once and was up for milk hourly. Some babies are like that. I understand your pain, as I also felt like a bad mum because he wasnt doing all the things that society expect babies to do. However, society puts unnecessary pressure on us to have them sleep through and eat X Y Z whereas really all your baby needs is a responsive parent which it sounds like you are. I wish i knew back then that just going along with his needs was always the best thing to do and that as he got older, I woulx heavily regret not just leaning into it and giving myself a hard time. Theres absolutely nothing wrong with going to sleep on the bottle ( my three year old does this still) and haing multiple bottles a day. I just give him whatever milk he needs and let him sleep in my bed when he wont settle. I am so sorry for us mums that all the outside noise and the opinions of society make us feel like we are doing it wrong. Youre not doing it wrong.

Continued… do whatever feels right in that moment for you and your baby. At 9 months old your baby should have milk as a main food source, theres nothing wrong with anything you are doing. Please try to turn off the outside noise from instagram, older generations, media etc. trust what feels right in that moment. Youre doing amazing! Humans are carrying mammals, babies are meant to sleep with parents and on parents , think back to our ancestors and other carrying mammals. It’s biologically normal x

My baby is 8 months old and she is still up between 2 and 5 times a night to feed, we co sleep because otherwise nobody would get any sleep and we started co sleeping when she was 4 weeks old because she would only do 40 mins to an hour in the cot and was really hard to settle! Still now she can have split nights or nights where I need to hold her a couple of hours as she won’t sleep if I put her next to me. She has only really started to eat two proper meals a day since hitting the 8 months mark and we started solids around 6 months. She still won’t always eat what’s in her plate depending on whether she’s hungry, tired or just up for it. And she has finished what was in the plate maybe 3 times ! I have no advice but just to say that you’re not alone, many mums I know are still struggling with sleep. For the food like someone else said it might help to try a mix of purées BLW and add some spices or garlic as it might make it more tasty. Also what helped us was to eat with her as she

… continued
Was interested in what we were doing. Also again like someone said it is normal for them to still want lots of milk as that’s the main source of nutrients until 1. As to sleep I’m reading ‘how babies sleep’ by Helen Ball and it has made me feel much better about what’s expected and what’s actually natural, including waking up during the night ! I would recommend it especially if you think you’re doing everything wrong in terms of sleep

My son only started to sleep through the night properly when he hit 18 months old - before that he’d wake up anywhere between 2-5 times a night. Even now at 19 months he will sometimes wake up once. You’re honestly doing nothing wrong at all! I also didn’t sleep until I was 18 months old and some kids are just like that. I remember thinking I was failing as well and it was so incredibly difficult to handle daily life when you’re so sleep deprived, but it will get better. You’re doing an amazing job!!

Forgot to also mention - so many growth spurts / regressions around this age too!
I honestly felt like a walking zombie but it does get better. Trust the process, trust your baby and trust your gut 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

You’re not failing him I promise. Honestly I could have written this myself.
8 months old - sleeps in our bed 100% of the time, wakes in two seconds his cot, wakes 5-10 times a night, feeds to sleep only (except on the car), wouldn’t open his mouth for any food, he’s not yet rolling and seems so behind. I spoke to my health visitor about it at 7 months and they weren’t concerned. They are coming out again next week though to see how he’s doing.
The last three days he’s suddenly turned a corner with weaning and is now feeding him self, reaching for it etc. not much gets swallowed but he’s trying it!
Comparison is the theif of joy. People don’t always tell the truth on how things are going and everyone always seem to be managing better. It feels real but often isn’t true.
I found doing messy play helped, eat with him and over exaggerate what you do when eating. That massively helped my boy. Feed him what you eat. Mine loves curry haha
Reach out to your heath visitor for some advice x

You are definitely not a failure and the fact that you are so worried and upset about it says that you're an amazing mummy who just wants her baby to thrive. Try not to be so hard on yourself, I know it's easier said than done.

My little boy wouldn't even reach for food at 8 months he wouldn't grab anything and I used to think he would never eat but he does now.

My only advice would be to stop putting so much pressure on them and yourself as they can sense tension and stress so just put the food in front of them and eat yours, say it's yummy and just continue as normal without asking them to try it. Maybe try putting a snack on a plate near them when they are playing without saying anything to see if it interests them and eventually they might become curious and just try it. If it is still a concern at 1 then the HV should offer you some support with it.

I literally could have wrote this myself 😢