healing trauma
have you forgiven your mom/dad for the trauma they may have caused? I forgave my mom, even tho she never asked for forgiveness and never has acknowledged what she did was abusive, but I'm having a hard time forgiving my dad. Now that I'm a mom it's almost harder, since I can't understand how he was capable of doing the things he did. He's an addict and an alcoholic, and during my pregnancy he wasn't VERY involved, but told me he was so excited and happy of being a grandpa. When my baby was born, he saw him like 10 min when we came back from the hospital, and one week later he literally disappeared, was a whole week on a bender, lost a lot of money and ruined his marriage. Now he's in therapy for the first time in his life, but he hasn't said a word to me. He talks and sees my two younger siblings, and yet it's like I don't exist. I'm so tired.
Sorry it was so long, but have you been in a similar situation?? How did you heal??
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No and I will never forgive them. And I’ve healed. Ignore the people who say you can’t heal without forgiving the bad people who caused you pain. You can get over the pain but it’s not necessary to forgive. Side note my parents were unbelievably bad so I’d go off of how bad they actually treated you.
I kind of forgave. Yet I m pissed that they didn't have their shit together now and I had to distance myself due to that. They are very immature and stopped to be models to me. That's disappointing
Forgiveness isn't for the person who hurt you, it's for your own heart so you can heal and move forward with no bitterness in your heart. Forgiveness isn't a justification for what they did or acceptance of what happened. It is a recognition that they are not a perfect person and made mistakes and if I want to live a good life I need to be able to do so without any heaviness or carrying that burden and letting it cloud my judgement or stop me from doing what I need because that holds me back.
It doesn't mean free access to that person. It means they owe me no debt and I won't keep looking to them to fix anything in myself, only I have that power over myself not the person who hurt me.
It's not easy. But it's necessary.
I forgave my father almost too late and had a year before he suddenly passed. My mom and I have come so far despite our circumstances and trauma. God can and does make a way forward, it's my choice to stagnate or forgive and move forward. I choose to try even though it hurts sometimes.
Take your time. There is no pressure to forgive. You don't owe anyone anything. If forgiveness feels right at some point for you, then that may be an option and you can make that choice for yourself.
It should NEVER be something you do because you feel pressured or guilted into doing it, by anyone. Don't let anyone convince you it's "for you". They are not you. They haven't been where you've been. They don't know your story.
Only you will know if making that choice someday will benefit you. Don't let anyone tell you what's best for you. Trust that you're on the right journey of healing for you, and at some point you'll know what's right for you.
It's absolutely not necessary to forgive for healing. It's a personal choice. Only you get to decide how your healing journey works. 💕
Can’t forgive if it’s still being dished out
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