Are we consenting violence?

Domestic violence is hard because leaving could mean death. You have to be able to leave with out them knowing and be able to stay gone. It means leaving everything behind and leaving with the bags on your back. For someone who was a sahm that also means no income. Abusers often isolate you so that means no friends or family. There's also trauma bonds. Every situation is unique. Domestic violence is such a hard topic because if you've never gone through it you will never know how it alters the brain. How tedious it is to get away. A lot of shelters are packed full. Leaving could mean being on the street

DV can be life or death and there’s no way for a 3rd party to know the full picture for someone in it.
So we must tread with care. Leaving could mean certain death for them so in reality why would they choose to leave when they’re still alive now.
We can say leave but how to do it safely is important, we don’t people to go from one bad situation into a potentially life ending or altering situation

Anytime someone is preparing for a major event to occur (like escaping a violently abusive partner), there are so many layers of preparation needed.
All the while, this person is still under the psychological control of the abuser (often necessary in order to survive).
They have been beaten down and made to feel so disoriented and conflicted (cognitive dissonance needed to survive) that it may seem like they are lashing out. They are scared, confused, and probably feeling completely helpless.
Before I left my abuser, I reached out to my city's DV shelter system, and was denied due to it being full. I called my local precinct and asked for help and was denied. I physically walked into my local precinct and asked to meet with the DV officer, who refused to meet with me but gave another officer an outdated pamphlet on DV services to hand me. I asked family for help and no one knew how to help me. It can take so much effort to finally get out and abused people are already so exhausted.

Ok I haven’t read the comments but this is something I feel very strongly about .i was a child that watched my mother get beaten multiple times a day for 7 years and now at 48 I’m still so effed up by the crap I saw.people say leaving can mean death but so can staying.im also a strong believer that if u don’t leave and u have children those children should be removed from ur care till its proven u wont go back.childrens safety is just as important.in Australia we need to bring back women’s shelters so women have a safe haven to escape to and all parties should recieve counselling.we as mothers also need to do better with our sons …..stop excusing bad behaviour as oh they’re just being a boy…..no Karen ur kid needs help .the things i see young teenage boys do to girls these days makes me fear for my children’s future.i have 6 daughters and i teach them that no one male or female ever has the right to lay a hand on u and my door is always open

Have you ever been in an intricate situation and someone gives you obvious surface level advice? It’s dismissive. It’s best to listen without judgement or offer practical solutions or resources.

I believe many factors come into play, including upbringing. When you’re used to abuse, you keep returning to it due to its familiarity until you decide enough is enough. Coming to that conclusion in itself can be tough when you’ve been beaten down & genuinely believe you deserve that treatment.

Sometimes, an outside perspective.. or 10 or even 100s! won’t get through to someone. One’s judgment can get very clouded when stuck in a deep abusive rut!

I’ve found out recently that a lot of people don’t know that there are local biker cliques over the states that will help you get out. They will help you with getting to your family or friends who can house you. Or sometime even house you til you get on your feet(especially if you have children). So if the shelters are full and churches turn you away,google or facebook messenger your local biker g.a.n.g.