Are we consenting violence?
I dont mean to be rude and i do understand how hard can be to move or leave an abuse relationship when you have nobody to help. BUT if seen several post where people are asking for support and when you tell them they need to get out of that place (when they specify there has being physical violence) and then ive notice how it become to come at the comments trying to help to leave the situation. Like is it support to consent the violence or is it support on how to get out of it?
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Domestic violence is hard because leaving could mean death. You have to be able to leave with out them knowing and be able to stay gone. It means leaving everything behind and leaving with the bags on your back. For someone who was a sahm that also means no income. Abusers often isolate you so that means no friends or family. There's also trauma bonds. Every situation is unique. Domestic violence is such a hard topic because if you've never gone through it you will never know how it alters the brain. How tedious it is to get away. A lot of shelters are packed full. Leaving could mean being on the street
DV can be life or death and there’s no way for a 3rd party to know the full picture for someone in it.
So we must tread with care. Leaving could mean certain death for them so in reality why would they choose to leave when they’re still alive now.
We can say leave but how to do it safely is important, we don’t people to go from one bad situation into a potentially life ending or altering situation
Anytime someone is preparing for a major event to occur (like escaping a violently abusive partner), there are so many layers of preparation needed.
All the while, this person is still under the psychological control of the abuser (often necessary in order to survive).
They have been beaten down and made to feel so disoriented and conflicted (cognitive dissonance needed to survive) that it may seem like they are lashing out. They are scared, confused, and probably feeling completely helpless.
Before I left my abuser, I reached out to my city's DV shelter system, and was denied due to it being full. I called my local precinct and asked for help and was denied. I physically walked into my local precinct and asked to meet with the DV officer, who refused to meet with me but gave another officer an outdated pamphlet on DV services to hand me. I asked family for help and no one knew how to help me. It can take so much effort to finally get out and abused people are already so exhausted.
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