I’m not very happy with the nursery.
My baby is 11 months old and has just started settling-in sessions this week. Some sessions have gone okay—she even managed to nap—but others have been much worse, with her crying for up to an hour.
The last session (4 hours) is what made me feel most uncomfortable about the nursery.
1. The staff seem extremely strict, and the way they speak to parents can feel quite harsh.
2. My baby drinks pumped breast milk. The staff said I could bring breast milk but didn’t clearly explain in what form. Apparently, they only accept it in pouches and not in bottles. When I brought it in a bottle, they spoke to me harshly and said they “don’t know what I’ve put in it,” which felt unfair—it’s the same milk whether it’s in a bottle or pouch. It came across as if they were accusing me of tampering with it.
3. If I forget something or do something wrong (like the milk issue), they overreact and speak in a very telling, almost mean way.
4. They don’t provide regular updates on the family app, so I have to contact them myself to find out how my child is doing. Sometimes they do and sometimes they’re don’t. The communication is not clear and they simply tell me off that it’s written in the policy, I mean they can remind me. The woke with parents on the daily basis and I was expecting them to be more understanding.
5. During the last session, I brought breast milk in a bottle and was told off. I even offered to go home and bring it in a pouch, but they said no. Four hours later, they asked me to pick her up because she couldn’t sleep—and they hadn’t given her any milk because it was in a bottle. They also said she didn’t want to eat the food provided (pizza and oat milk). When I got home, she was clearly starving and drank two bottles of milk. I’m upset that they didn’t offer alternatives like toast or fruit or ask me what she might eat.
6. The staff wear strong perfume, and my child comes home smelling of it, which bothers me.
7. The nursery is nut-free because one staff member has an allergy. I try my best to avoid nuts, but if I accidentally include something, they say they will call me to pick my child up because they cannot care for her. I find this difficult as I am working and paying for childcare?
Is this a regular thing with nurseries? Would it be unreasonable to ask them not to wear perfume when carrying for my child as she has eczema and it’s unpleasant to have her face smelling of perfume? Anyone else had problems like this?
Struggling with my thoughts/feelings
I’m dreading moving in with my in laws, since have the baby (we stayed with my parents for 6 weeks) the cultural/age differences between us and his parents have become more and more evident.
I’m tired the ignoring boundaries, (I.e - don’t kiss the baby) I’m tired of being told not to hold my baby too much, she needs to learn to be away from me and with other people, let her cry she’ll be fine.
Then there’s them taking her off me and walking into another room and putting her down and coming back saying “I’ve put my baby down she’s asleep”, they’re also already speaking to her in another language when I’m around and not translating and I once heard my partner reply saying “no she’s not cold”
They won’t let us use one of the spare rooms as her room but have now started talking about buying a cot and wardrobe for the room for her and taking over.
They’re judging us for using a dummy on the rare times she’s extremely difficult to soothe and nothing else works. They’ve continuously made comments that make me feel like a shitty mum and incapable.
it’s brought up so many fears and reservations, I get they’re excited it’s their first grandchild but it’s also my first child. My first time as a mum and I have done nothing but doubt myself, walk around in fear of fucking up and such intense dread. I’ve found myself sitting here thinking it’ll be easier if I just let my husband take her and let the 3 of them raise her and just let him bring her over for visits because I truly don’t know how I’ll cope.
I’ve spoken to my husband about things and he reassures me he will back me and I have nothing to worry about & they’re just excited and it’ll be different when we live there but I don’t think it will and also I get it, it’s his family so I don’t want to make him feel like I’m bad mouthing his family loads because he’s already made a couple comments about it
Idk what to do, I guess I just need to vent somewhere and find a way to manage my thoughts and just manage life postpartum
