Struggling with my thoughts/feelings

I’m dreading moving in with my in laws, since have the baby (we stayed with my parents for 6 weeks) the cultural/age differences between us and his parents have become more and more evident.
I’m tired the ignoring boundaries, (I.e - don’t kiss the baby) I’m tired of being told not to hold my baby too much, she needs to learn to be away from me and with other people, let her cry she’ll be fine.
Then there’s them taking her off me and walking into another room and putting her down and coming back saying “I’ve put my baby down she’s asleep”, they’re also already speaking to her in another language when I’m around and not translating and I once heard my partner reply saying “no she’s not cold”
They won’t let us use one of the spare rooms as her room but have now started talking about buying a cot and wardrobe for the room for her and taking over.
They’re judging us for using a dummy on the rare times she’s extremely difficult to soothe and nothing else works. They’ve continuously made comments that make me feel like a shitty mum and incapable.
it’s brought up so many fears and reservations, I get they’re excited it’s their first grandchild but it’s also my first child. My first time as a mum and I have done nothing but doubt myself, walk around in fear of fucking up and such intense dread. I’ve found myself sitting here thinking it’ll be easier if I just let my husband take her and let the 3 of them raise her and just let him bring her over for visits because I truly don’t know how I’ll cope.

I’ve spoken to my husband about things and he reassures me he will back me and I have nothing to worry about & they’re just excited and it’ll be different when we live there but I don’t think it will and also I get it, it’s his family so I don’t want to make him feel like I’m bad mouthing his family loads because he’s already made a couple comments about it

Idk what to do, I guess I just need to vent somewhere and find a way to manage my thoughts and just manage life postpartum

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My child’s dad family is exactly the same! They tried to kiss my baby the same day he was born in the hospital so I had to ask them not to and then repeatedly did it after we got home anyways, they also took my babies dummy and left him to cry and tell me to not hold him so much because he’ll get clingy, they had their time to parent (and with the way my child’s father acts they did an awful job) now it’s my time to parent, my midwife gave me some good advice though she said if it’s in the best interest of you and your child then set boundaries or explain they won’t be allowed near the baby! Also the speaking in another language is very disrespectful if you don’t know what they’re saying I would bring that up to, they judged me for bottle feeding and not breastfeeding and then they judged for the dummy, I got tired of it and now they’re only allowed over once a week and if they say something they can leave, you got this girl I believe in you! X

Thank you! Honestly I’m very much ready to give up on everything because I can’t cope already. It’s appreciate you sharing your story too, I definitely need to work on setting boundaries! They refused to wash their hands in the hospital and my partner wasnt there because we were only allowed 2 people at a time which included partners. I struggle enforcing boundaries with them 😩

Stay strong,mummy.You got this.Set up the boundaries you think are right and enforce them,stick to them & put them in their place.You're the mother,so you know what's best for your LO.Don't let them tell you otherwise.If they don't respect you or your boundaries,they have to lose out.If they tell you to not use the dummy,to put her down because you carry her too much, etc. Ignore them. Take your daughter and walk out of the room. If they try to take her off you and take her away from you, don't let them. Take her back and walk off. Make clear that they have to respect you or they can fuck off!!
A good way is to use a baby wrap, like that you can carry her all the time and they can't take her off you. You can even breastfeed her in a wrap (need some practice though). I don't think it's always a good idea to move in with family. Yes, it can be great to have the support but it can also go so wrong if they don't respect boundaries.
But you need to bring your partner on board 100%, otherwise they'll play you both

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I’m not very happy with the nursery.

My baby is 11 months old and has just started settling-in sessions this week. Some sessions have gone okay—she even managed to nap—but others have been much worse, with her crying for up to an hour.

The last session (4 hours) is what made me feel most uncomfortable about the nursery.

1. The staff seem extremely strict, and the way they speak to parents can feel quite harsh.
2. My baby drinks pumped breast milk. The staff said I could bring breast milk but didn’t clearly explain in what form. Apparently, they only accept it in pouches and not in bottles. When I brought it in a bottle, they spoke to me harshly and said they “don’t know what I’ve put in it,” which felt unfair—it’s the same milk whether it’s in a bottle or pouch. It came across as if they were accusing me of tampering with it.
3. If I forget something or do something wrong (like the milk issue), they overreact and speak in a very telling, almost mean way.
4. They don’t provide regular updates on the family app, so I have to contact them myself to find out how my child is doing. Sometimes they do and sometimes they’re don’t. The communication is not clear and they simply tell me off that it’s written in the policy, I mean they can remind me. The woke with parents on the daily basis and I was expecting them to be more understanding.
5. During the last session, I brought breast milk in a bottle and was told off. I even offered to go home and bring it in a pouch, but they said no. Four hours later, they asked me to pick her up because she couldn’t sleep—and they hadn’t given her any milk because it was in a bottle. They also said she didn’t want to eat the food provided (pizza and oat milk). When I got home, she was clearly starving and drank two bottles of milk. I’m upset that they didn’t offer alternatives like toast or fruit or ask me what she might eat.
6. The staff wear strong perfume, and my child comes home smelling of it, which bothers me.
7. The nursery is nut-free because one staff member has an allergy. I try my best to avoid nuts, but if I accidentally include something, they say they will call me to pick my child up because they cannot care for her. I find this difficult as I am working and paying for childcare?
Is this a regular thing with nurseries? Would it be unreasonable to ask them not to wear perfume when carrying for my child as she has eczema and it’s unpleasant to have her face smelling of perfume? Anyone else had problems like this?

Is this a normal thing?

I gave birth yesterday and had a second degree tear pretty much in a straight line downwards but not too close to my butt hole.
The midwife however had to put her finger up my butt twice when stitching me back together. It was traumatising on top of literally giving birth minutes beforehand 😭 Has anyone else had this happen?? She only explained the second time that she was checking she hadn't stitch into my anus which is OK but I'd rather have been told beforehand, also I don't understand why she'd need to check when she had just explained to me (and the student midwife) that the tear didn't go to the anus. Is this a normal check that they do?

I had a 2nd degree tear with my first baby but I'd had an epidural and was completely out of my face on other medications, mixed with just a terrible birth experience I didn't even take in when the doctor sewed me up, but they never mentioned abing yo put their fingers up there 😬

Struggling with my thoughts/feelings

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Struggling with my thoughts/feelings