Is this a normal thing?

I gave birth yesterday and had a second degree tear pretty much in a straight line downwards but not too close to my butt hole.
The midwife however had to put her finger up my butt twice when stitching me back together. It was traumatising on top of literally giving birth minutes beforehand 😭 Has anyone else had this happen?? She only explained the second time that she was checking she hadn't stitch into my anus which is OK but I'd rather have been told beforehand, also I don't understand why she'd need to check when she had just explained to me (and the student midwife) that the tear didn't go to the anus. Is this a normal check that they do?

I had a 2nd degree tear with my first baby but I'd had an epidural and was completely out of my face on other medications, mixed with just a terrible birth experience I didn't even take in when the doctor sewed me up, but they never mentioned abing yo put their fingers up there 😬

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Standard but would have been nicer to warn you before hand since its pretty invasive after already being on show more and vunrable more then most like

Yes standard but they should have informed you and check if you are ok with it

100% should have informed you, I’d have made a complaint
Any other time someone sticking a finger up your bum unannounced would be sexual assault, just because you’ve just given birth doesn’t mean you don’t need to consent, especially when it wasn’t an emergency situation and she had the time that she could have checked with you. I’d definitely be putting a complaint in
We put up with way too much as mothers and just get told it’s “normal” because other mothers have put up with it

With what your midwife said, she did tell you, you just didn’t hear it! It’s normal after you give birth to ignore all that.. you have bloopers and that’s me because I don’t remember nothing. I remember I was being stitched.. I remember feeling the needle go in and it wasn’t bad..but I don’t remember nothing else.. everything else is a blur after giving birth and most times you are not aware because you just had a baby and that’s your only focus. The only child I didn’t tear with was when I giving birth upwards with gravity. You had bloopers. She wouldn’t tell you about the tear for nothing and or she would just keep it as you had a tear and that’s it if it’s not needed to be stitched or anything since it can heal on its own if it’s a small size ok to heal on its own

Not standard practice

Both options are true. It is standard to check and make sure there isn't more tearing than is visible, ALSO she should have informed you.

Definitely standard but could have given you a heads up

Yes. I can't remember with my 1st as I was concentrating on me telling them I could feel it, the doctor telling me no I couldn't , then her cutting an artery while stitching.

My 2nd she said before checking they wsmted to see if it was 2nd or 3rd degree tear

I had a section so very different but even though I was numb to everything and they could have gone to town down there and I would’ve been none the wiser, they still told me they were giving me a suppository. Your midwife should have told you for sure.

They needed to tell you before doing that (not "should have", they failed to do a necessary first step). Consent is also part of standard practice. I'm sorry that you had that experience.

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Did anyone like this pram ? X

I’m not very happy with the nursery.

My baby is 11 months old and has just started settling-in sessions this week. Some sessions have gone okay—she even managed to nap—but others have been much worse, with her crying for up to an hour.

The last session (4 hours) is what made me feel most uncomfortable about the nursery.

1. The staff seem extremely strict, and the way they speak to parents can feel quite harsh.
2. My baby drinks pumped breast milk. The staff said I could bring breast milk but didn’t clearly explain in what form. Apparently, they only accept it in pouches and not in bottles. When I brought it in a bottle, they spoke to me harshly and said they “don’t know what I’ve put in it,” which felt unfair—it’s the same milk whether it’s in a bottle or pouch. It came across as if they were accusing me of tampering with it.
3. If I forget something or do something wrong (like the milk issue), they overreact and speak in a very telling, almost mean way.
4. They don’t provide regular updates on the family app, so I have to contact them myself to find out how my child is doing. Sometimes they do and sometimes they’re don’t. The communication is not clear and they simply tell me off that it’s written in the policy, I mean they can remind me. The woke with parents on the daily basis and I was expecting them to be more understanding.
5. During the last session, I brought breast milk in a bottle and was told off. I even offered to go home and bring it in a pouch, but they said no. Four hours later, they asked me to pick her up because she couldn’t sleep—and they hadn’t given her any milk because it was in a bottle. They also said she didn’t want to eat the food provided (pizza and oat milk). When I got home, she was clearly starving and drank two bottles of milk. I’m upset that they didn’t offer alternatives like toast or fruit or ask me what she might eat.
6. The staff wear strong perfume, and my child comes home smelling of it, which bothers me.
7. The nursery is nut-free because one staff member has an allergy. I try my best to avoid nuts, but if I accidentally include something, they say they will call me to pick my child up because they cannot care for her. I find this difficult as I am working and paying for childcare?
Is this a regular thing with nurseries? Would it be unreasonable to ask them not to wear perfume when carrying for my child as she has eczema and it’s unpleasant to have her face smelling of perfume? Anyone else had problems like this?

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