New mom identity

I wish I had better advice. My guy is only 3 months but I’ve decided to lean into being mom. I love talking about my baby. Needing to vent about the struggles is human. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to lean into this chapter. As my son gets older I’ll get new parts of myself, reignite old parts, really reevaluate who I am next.

I don’t feel like I’ve had any identity other than “mom” for my sons entire life and he’s 4 and a half. I’m only just now finally starting up a hobby that I make time for weekly and it feels really good but I think there should be less pressure on moms to have their own identity outside of parenting, it just puts even more unnecessary guilt on us. The time will come when you’ll start to feel like yourself again and until then, it’s perfectly okay not to know who that person fully is other than a mom.

And I don’t empathize with this at all. While I know it’s normal and so true for so many women, I never felt this way. And I don’t think it’s a bad thing you talk about your kid, I try not to as that’s all anyone wants to talk about and I actually like talking about other things. You’re just in a different chapter of life than your friend. That’s all. And sometimes friendships grow apart because of it or can come closer together when in the same chapter.

Very well put into words above - there really should be less pressure to be someone besides a mum. In the first years it is so intense, you are needed constantly and can't be replaced easily even by your partner. It is biological and I am not fighting it. Deep down I know who I am and what I crave and how I will spend my me time when it comes, but right now they are little and I simply can't stretch myself enough to be other things but a mum.

I have a newborn and a 4.5 years old.

Thank you, and that’s exactly what I’m saying. It’s just something that is biological you’re right. How’s it going with the age difference between your kids?