Was this unethical? Therapist edition lol
I had a therapist 6 years ago who was great. We did a lot of good work together and it was always professional. Emotional, of course I mean obviously, but no lines were ever crossed. We ended our therapeutic journey and then had check ins about every 3 months or so. The check ins were brief interactions- how are the babies, spouses, what’s new, so good hearing from you bye.
A few weeks ago he texted me about his wife leaving him and he found messages btwn her and an older man. (Emotional not physical cheating) He knows that my partner cheated a long time ago so I’m kind of experienced with this and he was asking me what tools I used to help heal from the trauma. I told him and from that point on we were texting every day. He would vent and ask for advice, disclose thoughts and feelings and then other times it was just casual chatter about favorite drinks and what we like to do with our babies for fun. He called me his friend.
Then today he tells me his wife wants to come back and that means he can’t talk to me anymore. He’ll check in every few months and that’s it.
I guess I’m sad. I’m not attracted to him in any way, to be clear. I was hoping she would come back to him and commit to trying again. I want good things for them but damn this just hurt. I guess maybe I’m dumb for believing that we were actually friends.
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Are you sure you don’t like him?
So this is a bit grey. Technically it depends on his license type and who provides ethical rules if a friendship is unethical. My understanding is that if hes a social worker in the US then yes this violates their ethics code. I know for counselors in the US the rule is 5 years after last profesional contact before you can be friends with them. Not sure for other licenses her or abroad. So if it was just friendship then its not necessarily unethical but for sure rides a line if you were checking in.
Him reaching out to you is what feels more like a potential ethical concern to me. He only did that because of what he knows about you from a privileged position. If you had run into each other randomly and he mentioned it and then yall started talking less concerning. But personally it wouldn't sit right with me to reach out to a former client in this way out of the blue.
I wouldn’t say it was unethical bc you weren’t his client at the time so it was no longer a professional relationship. Once you’re done doing business, you’re just two people and he reached out bc he knew it was an experience you were familiar with and was seeking input.
The fact that since his wife decided to come back meant he couldn’t talk to you, to me, made it seem like he was hoping it would lead to more. I feel like if his intent was purely platonic, then his wife coming back to him wouldn’t make a difference in your friendship, in my opinion.
I got therapy tomorrow I can ask my therapist but i already know she’s gonna say it’s unethical! And let’s be so for real!! He is a professional!!! Has a whole ass degree in the human brain and behaviors and what relationships and he’s asking you- a non-professional for advice?! He is lying through his teeth! There is no way he needed to go to an ex client and ask that of them!! That is wild!! Especially since he can’t talk to you since he’s going back to his ex!! That says he had no intentions on just being friends cuz otherwise it wouldn’t have mattered! This man is a red flag and honestly I think should be reported- but I might just ask my therapist about this cuz this is nuts!
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