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First time mums

Fed up

Anyone else just feel fed up? My little one is 4 weeks old and is pretty intense (not her fault!) but she hates sleep, it’s a battle to get her to nap or sleep at night. Once she’s down she sleeps well, she is just very alert.

She seems to struggle with a bit of colic and potential silent reflux, so can cry quite a lot bless her. I’m alone with her 8am-6:30pm everyday and it’s just a lot. I can put her in her next to me for naps, but if I walk away for a second, she senses it and wakes up crying. It’s gotten to the point where I’m barely eating or drinking and can’t even go to the toilet to pee and given myself what I think is a UTI. I can’t bare it when she cries.

I also cannot stand the way my body looks now, I don’t recognise myself at all. I don’t even have time to brush my hair, I feel a mess. I feel like an imposter in my own body.

Then tonight, I had the first shower I’ve had in days and felt good, after spending an hour running around tidying the house quickly. Until my partner handed the baby back to me so he can sleep for work and she started screaming. I didn’t shout, but I spoke louder than usual (I’m usually very softly spoken) and said “please baby girl, that’s enough now, please” in desperation, she cried for 2 hours straight today and then on and off for the rest of the day. My partner snapped at me a little and said “shouting won’t help.”. He doesn’t have to deal with it day in and day out, but I get he’s protective over her. I didn’t even think I was shouting at all! I’m now sat here, trying to settle her, crying my eyes out feeling so awful. I feel like a terrible mum.

I’m sorry for the rant, I’m just grasping at straws and feel so alone and so guilty like I’m failing her. Please don’t tell me I’m alone in this 💔 I hope it gets easier for her and for me 🩷