Husbands comments cut deep
I'm really hurt by something that happened tonight and need your opinions.
My husband told me that I need to do more for our baby because he put him to sleep tonight and then I asked him to handle one overnight shift of burping and soothing him back to sleep. He told me I’m not grateful for my child and that I don’t do enough. Hearing that was upsetting because I feel like I'm already carrying the majority of the childcare and household responsibilities. I had wanted this at so badly for so long, and every second of my life revolves around him. Starting from when I got pregnant.
I'm currently on maternity leave and am with our baby all day, every day. I exclusively breastfeed, feeding him every two hours during the day and every three to four hours at night. Most of the time, I'm the one who puts him to sleep and also the one who burps him, soothes him, and puts him back down after feedings (which we all know can take a few transfers to stick). I've researched and purchased everything we own for the baby, created his nap schedule and bedtime routine, and spend my days doing activities with him to support his development. He has no idea how many hours of sleep he even needs during the day or night or how many naps it should be split into, let alone what milestones he should be hitting or what activities promote his development towards those milestones. I also handle the bedtime routine, including bathing, massage, and singing to him.
On top of that, I do essentially all of the household chores, cleaning, laundry, cooking, taking care of our dogs. My husband's regular responsibilities are mowing the lawn and taking out the trash, and recently he started helping with bath time after I specifically asked him to because I want him to have bonding time with his son.
What hurts most is that his comments make me feel like all of the things I do every day aren't being seen or valued. I don't expect parenting to be perfectly equal, but being told I need to do more when I already feel stretched thin left me feeling unappreciated, frustrated, and honestly a little defeated.
Am I really not doing enough?
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I feel like he must have no idea how exhausting breastfeeding alone can be.
Girl he was just mad he had to take care of the baby! Don’t listen to him!!
I agree with , I think he was mad that he had to help when he didn't want to and took it out on you. I also don't think people understand how much work goes into taking care of children AND a home until it is up to them to do it. Especially if they aren't there to see everything getting done. Maybe have him walk in your shoes for a day or two so he can really see how much you get done.
Your husband sounds like a jack ass from the 1950s
Who are the sick people that voted you need to do more!!!
Respectfully, your husband and many husband are ill informed. He has not done what you are doing and therefore has no idea. Let him keep baby on his off day and give him the same tasks u do. And remember you are in charge of your emotions. And you can ask yourself if the statement is indeed true or misaligned. His is misaligned and therefore shouldnt carry any weight or be able to penetrate how you feel.
I would be livid.
Who is he to say that?? Is he the expert, as the parent spending much less time with the baby? People without perspective are the worst to deal with.
I honestly feel like he said those things so that I wouldn’t ask for his help anymore. He knows how much my baby means to me and he knows how much pride I take in all I do for my baby and for the house. If he can make me feel like I’m not doing enough or that I’m ungrateful for my child, he knows that I’ll start doing everything on my own and not communicate any needs to him. Seems like he wanted to guilt me into not having to take care of the baby and putting it all on me.
Have you expressed to your husband all of the things you do, for the baby and around the house, the way you have here? The fact is that putting baby to bed and getting up for one night waking is the bare minimum of what a parent should do and he needs to get over it. Mine puts our daughter to bed almost every night and has since she was a newborn. He'll get up for night wakings if he's available / if he wakes up. And he works two jobs. If your husband doesn't think you do enough, let him take over even half of what you do and see how much work it is. If it's nothing it should be easy for him, right?
You’re doing extremely well mama!
Express to him how you feel in the details you posted. Or better yet take a screenshot of this post and text it to him without saying anything else.
If he complains again find a nice Saturday, leave for the day. Go get your hair and or nails done, go out and get yourself some good food. Relax for a few hours and come back home in the evening. He’ll appreciate you more and even if he says anything don’t let it get to you.😊
I read like the first 3 lines and nothing else because this sounds like some bs 😂 He needs to get over himself
It sounds like he was talking about himself. He should do more and you do less. I feel taking care of the kids is more draining than a lot of other things.
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