Why do you think this is?
A while back, I did a couple polls and the conclusions were that we (broadly) can’t stand our MILs and (generally) struggle with our own mothers visiting as well.
These are the women that are supposed to be giving us the wisdom of the “village”. They’re supposed to be our intimate support system but most of us feel far from supported by them.
Why? 🤔
A) You think people in general are more prone to personality disorders which make mils and moms more narcissistic/toxic generally than maybe they were in the past. They’re less helpful and more stressful as a result.
B) People have less kids recently (historically speaking) so by the time they’re grandparents they’ve forgotten what it’s like, what moms need, etc. Their help is outdated/out of touch and lack perspective bc they have less experience. Even though they may be well-meaning, our villages have less kids so there’s less wealth of knowledge to learn from.
C) It may be a me problem. We as a society are more selfish/particular and feel more entitled to our “ideal” help. Or have more choices of who can be our “village”. So we’re less likely to tolerate unhelpful parents.
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My mom is super unhelpful and I can’t stand her. I’m SO grateful my MIL and I get along, but I think the core of why I tolerate the lingering discomfort/formality is that she’s had 10 kids. She GETS it, and has so much experience. I ask her advice bc I trust it. Her last toddler was only 6-7 years ago… I literally would never ask my mom. Her last toddler was 27 years ago, so shes toxic af AND doesn’t have helpful or relevant experience
I love my mom and she has been super helpful with my son! Somethings she can work on but it's nothing major. I trust her caring for my son. My MIL on the other hand absolutely not. She is just disrespectful to me and then expects to have a relationship with my son. No not how that works...
TLDR I think it comes down to people having less experience with kids.
(You def don’t *need* to have a ton of kids to continue to have experience helping other moms with kids as you get older.)
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