We’re trying to choose a middle name for baby number two and I’d really appreciate some outside perspective.
Our first child has my dad’s name as a middle name, so it feels right for this baby to have a middle name from my husband’s side of the family. The dilemma is, if this baby is a girl, I’m worried about potential hurt feelings on my side if we choose his mum’s name and not my mum’s.
We’re torn between using both family names, choosing another relative entirely, or finding a different approach. I’m not keen on using a name just for the sake of it, and my husband feels strongly that both children should have middle names, as that’s something we all have.
Has anyone been in a similar situation or have any thoughts on how to navigate this fairly?
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
Telling my mum to suck it up is not an option, and it’s something she would be bitter about forever. She has already been suggesting lots of names with hers as the middle ….
Is there another important woman from your husband’s family name that you can use? Like one of his grandmothers or sister?
Or could you use both their names as the middle name if it is a girl?
I would pick a name you love, not a name because you feel like you need to honour a family member.
Dealing with a grandmother’s disappointment is a real thing though. Gotta weigh up if it’s worth offending someone and having them salty about it forever.
Theres a lot to take into consideration here but the most important thing is finding a name that you and your partner are fully comfortable with and excited to use. Here’s some questions that I have: has either of your husbands parents expressed that they’ve wanted someone to be named after them? Do they seem to like their own name?
Taking your mom’s personality into consideration, would she feel some type of way about a granddaughter having both hers & your mother in laws names as a middle name instead of it solely being hers? Will she feel some type of way if you guys decide on a different female relative entirely?
Personally, my dad has always told me (and literally everyone) they should name their child Henry. My dad’s always loved his name. My mom on the other hand has never really liked her name. If I named a child and used her name she would ask me why with an inquisitive & judgy look. She has never wanted a child named after her.
Download the Peanut App
