Advice please 👏🏻

Need some advice on how to go about this.

Let me first say before people read the whole story I respect this person boundaries I just am a bit taken back and want to know how to go about it in a loving and respectful way.

I have a son and we found out we’re pregnant with baby 2 and we are SO excited because we struggled with infertility for years and due to medical issues we were told we’d need to stop trying within the next year.

I have a friend who has 2 boys and unfortunately lost a little girl early in the pregnancy. They do have embryos left which are female and they want to do IVF again in the future when they have the financial means.

When I told her I was pregnant she said she can’t show up or support me if it a little girl because it’s too fresh and hurt. Which I can understand my husband and I has a loss of a little girl early on in our journey as well.

With that said I don’t want to have to be scared to post if we end up having a little girl or have to constantly worry about someone’s feelings. My last pregnancy we did not share because it was very high risk and my heart couldn’t handle it heaven forbid something went wrong. We also didn’t share much because I had other friends with fertility issues and I was trying hard to not be insensitive but all of them have been beyond supportive and loving! This pregnancy thankfully seems to be “high risk” due to age but overall very low actual risk. This will be our last child and I would love to be able to finally share our journey with excitement but I’m scared now.

Would I be in the wrong to let her know that I truly respect her boundary but I think right now I need to step away from the friendship so I can fully embrace our pregnancy or should I wait to see if it’s even a girl and if not just let it go?

Please no hateful comments I’ve been crying and anxious about this for days. I don’t want to be insensitive to her but also I want to be able to be excited if we do have a girl (we’d love a second boy just as much!) because when we lost our little girl I lost that dream I had of a mommy/daughter relationship.

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Your journey is yours, and hers is hers.
Don’t stress yourself out, you have every right to celebrate and be excited because you to suffered a loss. In my opinion that doesn’t make you insensitive, insensitive would be telling you keep it hush hush all to spare someone’s feelings. That’s not how friends should support, I agree with your idea. Clearly it’s still fresh understandably so, but you need to focus on you and baby and celebrating this in anyway you see fit

First of all, congratulations! It's OK to be happy and excited!

You've told your friend about the pregnancy and she's told you her feelings, she hasn't asked you not to post or not to be happy, just said she will take some distance? There will naturally be some distance on both sides if she's taking a step back so I don't know that anything more needs to be said. Just enjoy your pregnancy and don't worry about posting whatever you want to post. It's sad to have a friend who feels they're unable to put their feelings aside to support you but she's been honest at least so you haven't got any expectations of her. It sounds like you have other friends to be excited with you and be there for you which is great.

I understand how difficult fertility struggles can be but honestly your friend sounds a bit bitter and rude in my opinion, I think you’re right for stepping away from the friendship and I would encourage you to maybe reconsider how valuable of a friend they are to you in general. Feeling that way inside is one thing but to blatantly come out and say that without even trying to pretend to be excited or vocalize any support for you about this wonderful thing happening in your life, is wild to me

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