in

New York City

Were any of you able to successfully leave a relationship where you were stay at home mom keeping full custody of your toddler when the abuse (only of you) became too much despite him not hitting you .

I know New York favours dads a lot more than other states - our son is 18m we are not married but he is on the birth certificate- he argues over everything insults me breaks and throws things and screams at me so much I haven’t been able to sleep for over a yr strictly bc of the our relationship- he pays for everything and does most of the things I ask. My family is not in the state plus we are mostly estranged & they have pretty much told me it’s my mess to deal with alone . and I’ve been completely isolated from friends since i was pregnant. Child support would not be much bc he’s paid more than 1/2 under the table so we have insurance. I have health issues and now mental ones probably from this relationship and the sleep deprivation from constant screaming fights etc has driven me over the edge and he could probably spin something that I was unfit for full custody. He’s almost 19m but primarily still breast fed esp in this heat.. we also just moved to a new apt and in the last week he started to occasional more successfully drink out of cups . He has kept demanding I stop breastfeeding basically from the beginning which is also when the personality switch happened literally from the fist night home less than 24 hrs after birth . I’ve been trying to make it work at least for long enough to create a better footing for myself but I can’t do that if the problems that I have bc of his are only compounding my health problems that I have had since we got together (I wish so much I had just ran I was even in an abusive marriage at 20 (I’m now 36) and that seems like heaven compared to this. It’s the only time I’ve ever wanted to die. His family is in our neighbourhood and he’s close with our old neighbours who heard everything so I’m sure if they were asked for collaboration would side with him and just say I’m crazy. The state of my health there is no way I could work even if he was put into daycare. I hate myself for creating this situation that our son has to live with and he likes his dad a lot bc he dotes on him and they aren’t around very much. Does anyone have any steps for me to take I’ve been scared to take any steps in terms of even my own health bc how do I explain anything that’s going on with me without the mentioning the abuse and how violent it has been (I told him I wasn’t going to doctors bc of this and he switched from every few days blowing up to literally every few hours he’s home some kind of fight ) — I was trying to set up a few things so that I would be able to sleep because it’s been the past three days. I’ve only got two hours of sleep total and I’ve been passing out a lot today so I was trying to get everything ready so that I could feed him and we would fall asleep together but right before and now son is asleep but of course I can’t bc he blew up right before we were supposed to sleep, which is something he likes to do and this time it was completely 100% on purpose.