Guilt all the time

Both my husband and I are struggling with this horrible guilty feeling about our 3 year old son and its difficult to understand why.
We do a good job at parenting him, generally we rarely get frustrated, we never yell, we always try to be gentle and reassure him, we handle tantrums well I think. Our son is a kind boy, he's sweet and funny and chaotic, but also shy and cautious sometimes. However I think we're doing a good job raising him.

But every night we sit together after putting him to bed and think of all the little moments we lost patience, or didn't play with him because we were too busy (we also have a baby so it's not always easy), we both feel so guilty about any screentime (he only gets to watch certain TV programs, he doesn't have a tablet), or we'll feel guilty if we didn't do anything that day or stayed in most of the day.

Are these feelings normal? I feel like a total failure every night and I don't know why because I know on paper we are good, loving parents. I just wish I could do more, offer him more time, better food (I'm a terrible cook but I try my best), better days out, better activities in the house, it all just feels overwhelming and like he's not happy. I know he is happy most of the time though, he just has his moments like every other 3 year old and is starting to have some really big feelings.

Does anyone else feel guilt like this every night even though you know you're doing a good job??

in our community

Preparing to leave

Hey I’ve just joined this group for a little bit of advice and chat if anyone has been in the same position.

I’m preparing to leave my marriage I have a nearly 2 year old and four month old we recently split but came back together but I’m still met with rudeness, energy is flat and just unhappy I know I went back for help with my kids.

When I say planning to leave I plan to leave when my daughter is two I know this is two years away but has anyone else been in this situation where you’ve stayed to have help with the kids? When does it get easier. Do I leave sooner?

I’m not financially linked to him I have my own money, tenancy is in my own only so I’m quite stable it’s just help with kids.

Any advice appreciated thanks. X x

WFH Balance?

Bear with me here, I'm kinda just getting my thoughts out and hoping some of you have advice or encouragement if you've been in a similar situation ❤️

I've been a sahm for a little over a year, largely because we just couldn't afford daycare with what I was making.
My husband is a self-employed contractor, focusing on tile installation. Recently, his business has grown enough that he's having a hard time managing it, so he's asked me to step in and help. I'll be learning and taking over his books, and most of the back-end office work.
It'll be a pretty steep learning curve, with a bit of a mess to clean up, but I'm fairly confident that I can manage it much better than he has once I get going lol, I'm generally better with numbers and organization.

I'm having a hard time figuring out how to fit it into my schedule, though. I have a 7yo and a 2yo and they are... wild. Up to now, I've had us spending as much of our day outside as possible, and I've been looking for ways to get us out of the house more while still getting my housework done. I'm not entirely sure how to juggle that with making sure I have time to get my work done too, especially if he also wants me to take over some of the customer-contact like setting appointments.

I'm also not sure where to set up a work station. Hubby has a spot at the kitchen table where he tries to do this work. If I worked there, I could keep an eye on the kids, but I'd be interrupted constantly. If I set up at the desk upstairs, I'd be able to actually focus, but I wouldn't be able to watch the kids. My oldest is home from school for the summer and just barely responsible enough that I can leave them semi-unattended together for short bursts as long as I'm available if they need me, but not for long periods. They're obsessed with each other, but they wind each other up like crazy, and if they get too wild someone inevitably winds up getting hurt. The eldest also knows how to operate the TV, and I don't want them to have too much screen time. They are not able to go outside unsupervised at all. We have some small wyze cameras that we've used before when my eldest was *not* as responsible, but we don't currently have enough outlets available.
My youngest is hit-or-miss with naps lately, but she's usually happy to take some "quiet" time in her crib on days she decides not to nap; she just sings gibberish, plays with her plushies, and looks out the window until she'd usually wake up. I'm hoping that by the time she drops the nap entirely, we'll be able to afford part-time daycare/preschool again.

I think my best case scenario is being able to do most of my work during nap time and getting better at doing my housework throughout the day? That will depend on how much work ends up on my plate, though. Most likely, I'll have to figure out how to juggle work and kids.

This was longer than I planned, but I wanted to be thorough.
Any tips and advice are very welcome!
Emotional support and validation are also welcome lol. I'm sure I'll find a way to muddle through, I'm just trying to sort out how to balance things ❤️

AIBU

Am I being unreasonable. My partner works full time and I’m on maternity leave. My partner goes away weekends on golf tournaments, gets out for his runs and has his recreational time without question. I obviously don’t have that luxury, I literally do everything (cooking, cleaning, childcare) from dawn till dusk. My partners way of looking after the baby is sticking him in the bouncer in front of the tv which I hate. Recently he’s started developing an app and wants to put all hours into it which I get but I simply asked for an hour when he gets home before we put baby to sleep so that we can eat together, he can spend time with baby and I can just have time to shower and decompress. Once baby’s asleep I’m then cleaning and doing everything in readiness for the next day. I’ve now been told I’m not a supportive partner and as “supportive as a blade”. (Yeah I’m unsure of the analogy to but whatever haha) Really just don’t know how to feel and feel as though I’m looked upon as staff in our house at the moment.

Should I have a 3rd?…

Feeling mentally exhausted and I already get overwhelmed at home with my 2 boys.. husband really wants a 3rd but I’m just not sure and really struggling as a parent. We’re also getting couples counselling at the moment too as things have been rocky since having the conversation about a 3rd child. I’m thinking about it every day. Whether I should or not and it’s affecting my mental health. Any advice welcome x

DENTISTS

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND A DENTIST?!
My son is 15 months old and has never been to a dentist because I can’t find one that will take on new patients. I also need to get registered with a dentist but my main concern is my son. I started looking for a dentist when my son was 9 months old and still can’t find one. I’ve phoned 8 today alone and every single one has said no.
Has anyone else had this problem? Did you manage to find a dentist in the end? If so, HOW?!

Would you be upset? And would you say something?

My boyfriend and I clean together for a company he got me into. He recently lost a friend and there was a memorial for it that he wanted to go to but he has an apartment to clean. He calls me at 2pm and I'm just heading home, telling him I need to eat and don't feel well. He immediately says 'can I send you on a mission?' And I knew whatever it was it was gonna serve him and had nothing to do with how I felt. And maybe I was emotionally tired too before he called but that's not something he'll understand.
So first he says can I go to the apartment and organize the cleaning bag. And then he says if you want to clean it too you can.
It's 2pm and I have 3 hours before I have to get my daughter from camp and I didn't even eat anything for the day.
Fast forward. I start cleaning and then I have to leave to pick her up, feed her, and then bring her back while she sits in a corner while I finish my job.
He calls me when I'm almost done and says he just woke up. First thing that pissed me off. I'm like ok it's 9pm so maybe he took a nap after the memorial or something. I call him when I heading home at 11 and he's in the bed still!!! So what the actual F did you even do?! I didn't even ask if he went or what and I haven't even spoken to him today.
I had to carry my daughter to work a job he was supposed to and chose not to do and then didn't even want to be direct and ask me. I am so over being with him because he just takes advantage of me wanting to help or be accommodating and I need him to accommodate me!! If you knew you weren't going out, why not watch her? I'd feel better about doing it then but no you wanted to have the bed to yourself or something. I'm so upset and I know I asked for opinions but I don't see how this isn't upsetting