Please help me help my friend
My friends husband cheated on her. She decided to stay married but is triggered everytime he does something she doesn't like (understandable, she is still healing) but she decided that she's not going to do anything for him anymore, like the biggest example I have is that she doesn't really cook for him anymore.
I feel like if you are married you do as you are biblically called to do as a husband and a wife Ephesians 5:21-33
Even when things are good between them she doesn't want to do as she was before. She feel highly unappreciated and disrespected by her husband and feels that he no longer deserves these things that a wife does.
It feels wrong to me. I feel like if you remain as husband and wife then you should do as husband and wife.
What do you think? Do you have any biblical wisdom that I can use to help my friend? Or maybe I'm the one that needs help, because maybe I'm in the wrong for the way that I'm thinking?
I really want to help my friend and her husband, they are like family to me.
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But trauma changes people.
Here's where I think it's important to have compassion for your friend.
Infidelity isn't simply "he hurt her feelings."
It shatters trust, safety, and often a person's identity within the marriage.
She may not be refusing to cook because she's being vindictive.
She may genuinely think:
"I spent years serving someone who betrayed me. Every time I do those things again, it reminds me of how I was taken for granted."
Those are wounds.
And wounds heal differently than disagreements.
If someone broke their leg, we wouldn't tell them to start running because healthy people run.
Healing comes first.
Forgiveness isn't pretending nothing happened.
One misconception many Christians have is that forgiveness means immediately returning to the same relationship dynamic.
The Bible doesn't teach that.
Forgiveness means releasing vengeance to God (Romans 12:19).
Reconciliation requires repentance, rebuilding trust, and time.
Trust is earned again.
If she has decided,
"He will never again receive my love, my service, or my respect,"
then I'd gently ask:
"If that's where your heart is…and it stays there….is remaining married really allowing the marriage to heal?"
Because marriage isn't merely sharing a house.
It's two people continually choosing one another.
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