Help from husband

Am feeling really overwhelmed and don't know whether I am expecting too much from my husband .. sorry it's long!

I'm on maternity leave and feel like I am literally doing everything. My husband is self employed and his work is demanding and he's pretty much working all the time.
Some days he works from home or comes home late 11/12am so I'm with baby 24/7.

Don't get me wrong I am lucky in the sense that he can work from home and will take us out during the day around his commitments. He provides for us and does a lot for us. I don't have a car so rely on him for everything so can't go to far on the bus. We have been planning to get a car as I'm getting frustrated having to wait on him and not being able to meet up with friends as I have to always wait on him. I constantly feel like I'm feeding, prepping food, cleaning, laundry ect. He doesn't help out unless I ask or get annoyed. He says that he works and that I see to much on social media about husbands helping out.

I am not even asking him to do much, it's simple things like cleaning up after himself, or emptying the bin putting the laundry away. The other day his laundry was sitting here for a whole week until I put it away. I get he works and it's demanding and he says if he has had a 9-5 it would be different but he has to make the money as I am not working.

He constantly on the phone, so loud even when baby is sleeping. I have to ask him to change his nappy or feed him breakfast without him thinking let me help out. He'll see the bottles that need to be washed and he will just leave them there until I ask. I breastfeed him throughout the day and night but have introduced a bottle for bedtime but even that he won't give him
Unless I really am tired? And then it's still me having to put him to sleep as he 'wants me'. And it's always not knowing when he's going to come home so 99.9% am doing bath and bedtime.

When we are out he is hands on and wants to hold him do everything but at home he will hand me him back as quick as possible as he needs to go or go toilet or something. I explained to him that I don't get that time and I just want some help without having to ask.

We had an argument today whilst talking our son to swimming, he didn't have his swimming shorts they were in the Landry and he said that I'm not doing anything why hasn't it been washed .. it really p'ed me off.

When baby is asleep I literally don't sit down, I'm doing laundry, cleaning prepping. Only this week I have told my self no when he's sleeping I'm going to sit and do something for myself.

He doesn't underhand that looking after baby is tiring and exhausting, and I would appreciate some help without having to ask or it being an inconvenience.

in our community

Burned out

I’m so burnt out and exhausted. I’m up before my partner with our 2 kids and he gets home 2 hours before their bedtime so I’m doing 100%. Even on the weekends he helps maybe 5%? I can’t remember the last time he got them dressed,made them food,gave them a bath,I always put them to bed as they only settle with me so he doesn’t even try. I just feel like I’m giving it my all while he’s not even helping a little. He goes away for a few months in a few weeks (I prepared for a year but it’s changed 5 times). I know I’ll be fine without him gone as again I do everything anyway but I’m just so tired,I can’t even go upstairs to change bedding without him falling asleep with them,I’ve told him he needs to get his bloods done as I don’t think it’s normal for him to constantly pass out when he has the kids for a few minutes,which also means I never get to relax. My jaw is constantly tense,I’m anxious and it’s not healthy. I had a shower the other day and I was gone for 6 minutes,I came back down and he was fast asleep whilst our kids played. I have brought this up to him but he just shrugs and says works tiring which I completely understand but I’m also tired,I sleep in our kids bed every night and they constantly crawl over me so I can’t even say the last time I had a decent night sleep whilst he gets an uninterrupted sleep and the days with them are beyond challenging at the moment 😩 his mum has said how lazy he is and even admits she’s mostly to blame but at one point is he going to step up?! He was great in the newborn stage for both of them but now even me asking for a nappy or an item of clothing is a chore for him 🙃

I couldn't make a playdate on time and another Mom is mad. Not sure if I handled it correctly.

This week another Mom who has kids in my children's kindergarten class reached out and asked if we wanted to get together yesterday at 3pm. I told her that it was not a good day because my son had an eye specialist appointment at 230pm at the hospital. She said just come after. I assumed that everyone understands that specialist appointments take several hours and maybe she meant we could do something after dinner instead. Figured since it's summer holidays people aren't as worried about early bedtime ect. Well at 3:10 pm I got a irritated text message saying they were waiting for us at the park and where were we. I responded immediately and explained that we had not seen the doctor yet and it could be a long time more of a wait and maybe we should reschedule for another day. I apologized for being late and said the doctor must be running behind. I didn't even think 40 mins was running behind because we see a lot of specialist for my son and it's a whole day thing typically. She just said fine and didn't respond further. Now I'm replaying it in my brain all evening on whether I should have mansplained that specialist appointments take hours and why I didn't think that it was a good idea to plan for a playdate on that day at all

Separation anxiety

My 8 month old has started experiencing separation anxiety but not with me or my husband, with her grandad. If he walks through the room she will cry until he picks her up. If he passes her to anyone (even me or her dad) she cries again until he gets her!
She doesn’t do this with me or her dad. I’m not sure why it’s just her grandad. She associates him quite strongly with play as that’s his main role with her. He doesn’t do nappies, sleep, or anything else with her.

I don’t mind it but I can’t help but think why isn’t she bothered why I walk out the room 😂

Cleaning is super hard

Does anyone find it hard to find the motivation to clean? I'm aware I'm a new mom so everything is hard currently, even going to the bathroom, but I just hate it so much. In pregnancy cleaning was my pride and joy because I could move and have a clean house, however its been so hard to clean especially because I refuse to let others in the house do what I do. For context, my family is disabled and very... Simple with how they clean and I prefer my methods.

Now, even if the baby is asleep, all my brain screams for is dopamine. Dishes? So hard to get my mind to it. Sweeping/mopping?? MY BACK HURTS? I'm 20...

Maybe it's just processing I'm a adult now with a baby? I don't know.

Getting a shower, brushing my teeth, my medicine? All out the window lately. I have to force myself even if I get multiple breaks a day (my parents help with the baby when I'm stressed)

And despite that being a good thing to do, I feel terrible for handing her off. I just can't stand to see her cry.

Maybe I'm just stressed? But I feel I have such a easier time in parenthood compared to others. So how am I stressed enough to not be able to get energy to clean- The way I destress?

Making friends in real life 😅

So I am an idiot. I just moved and across from my Cul-De-Sac is a couple with a child a little older and a child a little younger than ours. We had a dessert that we were not going to eat and I noticed the "wife" outside. I told myself I was going to go introduce myself and give our extra desert. Halfway over I notice the "husband" is standing over her. My assumption was a "conversation" they didn't want a neighbor over hearing- I heard nothing. I said excuse from 2 /3 feet away- I did a half turn around and decided I would go through with the quest. Ugh and then things spiraled.

Once I walked up Dude shook my hand but his eyes were glossy and wide. Female was avoidant and didn't stand to greet me. I stumbled on my words and over shared. I knelt down to ask her if she wanted to be my friend !! She obviously said no. No I don't want to be your friend and no I don't want your phone number. I feel like a social moron. I've been working from home since 2020 and I guess it shows. 🥺 Proud of myself for trying but damn rejection sucks. Dude at least accepted the dessert wifey who I was trying to be friends with said she's not into sweets. Girl I'm not into sweets that's why I'm giving you half of my dessert 😭🤣

Is a 2ed child worth it?

Guys I really need some serious advice!!! I have an almost 4 year old boy. I work full time and so does my husband (although his job isn't always secure) we are financially comfortable and we like to enjoy life. I dont have any family or friends or even a support network. We had to bounce of each other when I had my son and tbh it was really challenging. I was emotionally unstable for a long time and even held a lot of resentment towards my husband. But I am finally feeling myself again now that my son is a little older. However life is really exhausting between juggling a full time stressful job (i work in the legal field) and trying to be a good mother and wife. Sometimes I feel a deep sense of rage (I have PMDD). however I look at my son and my heart breaks. He goes to dat care 5 days a week but not the whole day. He starts late and his dad picks him up early but he plays with his friends during the day. My heart breaks because when he's home or I take him to the park or we're celebrating his birthday he looks so lonely. I feel so guilty it consumes me! I've been contemplating having a 2ed child just so he's not lonely and he has someone to grow up with. But im also not sure if I can handle a second. Life is already stressful. But people keep telling me to have another while he is young and its cruel to make him grow up alone. I just dont know what to do. Do I sacrifice my body and mental health all over again so my son has a sibling or should I just focus on him and raise him to be a good man and to attract good people? But the second option seems selfish?? I dont have any mum friends either. Sometimes I feel like people are a bit hard to talk to u I dont know why.

Can someone please shed some light on this? Did u regret having ur second? And the ones with one child, what has ur experience been so far? Please give me some honest brutal truths. Thank you!