Decisions…

So I need ADVICE. I’m not going to give much away but I do need some solid mama advice.
Firstly, I’m going through a trying time in my marriage. Moved here to Tennessee from Florida 3yrs ago and contemplated divorce from the start when we moved here. I have no insight to our finances, I get a “set” allowance of $200/week, I am the sole caretaker of the home, kids and animals and I’m a stay at home mama. I never have to worry about finances but I’d like to (it’s been talked about multiple times to include me but it never happens) husband isn’t very loving but only when he wants.. ya know.. he doesn’t help do anything with the kids, doesn’t do any chores around the home he basically goes to work, makes the money and pays the bills but doesn’t offer any help within the home, kids or animals. Recently brought up divorce, agreed to it, got a job because he wouldn’t sign on to any home with me if I didn’t have a job, got one like I said and showed that I had independence and then the night before I was going to go to the lawyer to get paperwork for an uncontested divorce, he argued with me because like anyone who is lonely in a marriage, you find solace in talking with someone who gives you attention (I know, I shouldn’t have) but it was only communication never physical.. well brought that up into the argument and it went straight down the hatches. Calling me all kinds of names, telling me he was going to not help me with anything, threatened to take my kids from me. When he threatened the kid thing, I slapped him. First time I ever did something like that to him or anyone genuinely speaking.. so it’s not like me to do that. Well I got arrested for that. NEVER been in trouble with the law at all. Went to court, charges got dismissed pending review in 4months (it’s going to be expunged) my thought now is he wants to move states because he doesn’t want to live in the state where I talked to another man at. He’s making active steps to move us away. While I’ve expressed that I don’t want to move, he says he will move regardless of what my decision is with or without me. Which is fine BUT my thought is, I’ll have to find another job, find housing, live here with no family (I do have friends) but it would just be me and the kids and we’d split custody 50/50 IF I go through with a divorce. He wants to make it work but I’m not allowed to have social media, I changed my number and he doesn’t want me volunteering at my child’s school because the other man’s child goes to the same school. Should I stay with him and make it work or should I file? I’m so conflicted. Like I said, I’m not saying everything and I’m willing to talk more about it if questions are asked but that’s the short version. Thank you for your advice if you have any. I really need it right now. First and foremost, my children are my entire heart. I know I’m a good mom. No one could ever take that from me if anything.

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I'm sorry you are going through this. I wouldn't stay with him. Get financially independent and go from there xx

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Please don't stay together "for the kids." They will resent you and they are learning what a "normal" relationship looks like when they are married. You wouldn't want your kids in a relationship like this, right?

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File for that divorce let him leave you get somewhere where you and kids can be and worry about them and you that’s want most important if he wanna leave let him

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I say if you still love him or think there’s a chance, stay. We don’t always like our husbands and marriages go through different phases. But if he’s committed and provides you and your kids with stability AND an allowance?? Girl keep him he sounds like a good man. Women out here will tell you to leave a man like that because they don’t/ can’t get that. It’s HARD being a single mom and it’s HARD dating out here. Actually the dating pool sucks. If you can salvage what you have I say do it. It’s so easy to walk away but sometimes it’s worth the fight.

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Is this rude or correct

So I had a problem I am due an operation on Thursday and will leave my baby with my MIL, should I leave a list telling her how much milk she takes, thats it's every three to four hours and how to wash the bottles, I got eight bottles, I am having my tonsils out as for nearly two years, it took the doctors a year to refer me to a specialist and another year to see one by that point I was twenty weeks pregnant and I went into the appointment and told them this and I didn't want to go through the hassle of waiting, they looked at the problem and actually said if I wasn't pregnant they would've of taken them out at the weekend, well they know I had my baby and I am due to go in this Thursday for the operation, I am nervous. However I have to leave my baby with my mother law, I have no problem with this, three children herself and seven grandchildren, she's wonderful and my daughter loves her but obviously I do everything for my baby, feeding, washing etc while my husband works, well she looks after my baby while I have the operation and then she comes home to me and my husband, my husband knows he has to look after the baby but he's never made a bottle or washed them and the baby is struggling to settle with him at the moment wants mum, I was going to wear a really big t shirt on the run up so my husband can wear that to help and is it worth getting the bottles with the teats attached to help my husband or just give him the same list as my MIL, any other suggestions.
Don't worry I have a brilliant relationship with my husband mother and I am quite happy for her to have my daughter.

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Am I a bad mom?

My partner and I have 2 children together (aged 3 and 1). He barely contributes to our household financially, leaving me to bear the financial stress alone. I have taken out 3 loans within the 5 years of being with him to help us get by. After our first child was born he quit his job to start his own dj business 🙄. So instead of working every day he now only works a few days a week at night and on occasion he does extra gigs for weddings, etc. On average he contributes $200-$300 each month. Mind you, daycare for 2 kids with subsidy is $950. We have rent, bills, debt, EVERYTHING. It's too much on my own and I'm drowning. He refuses to get an additional part time job, even a work from home position.
I don't want to break up our family but I've allowed him to ruin me financially. Now I can't even support myself and my kids. Am I a bad mom if I stay in this?

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The Default Parent

How crazy it must be to wake up, shower, get ready for work, and just have your baby fed, dressed, and packed for daycare.

Or not know the last time they ate, or worry that they are getting enough vegetables and home cooked food (along side canned/prepped stuff, we are human).
Or not know what clothes fits them and what needs to be donated. Or not know their shoe size.

Don’t get me wrong. My husband is amazing and does way more than the average man (I think). He is in charge of bedtime, plays with her a ton, and talks to/teaches her about everyday things (like she is a little adult already). It’s just wild being the default parent sometimes.

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10

Nursery

My little girl starts nursery in September and I’m on UC and they can’t help me out with the fruding 😞

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Nursery cost - how are you splitting?

How are you and your partner splitting nursery costs? 50/50? Or based upon earnings?

Comments very welcome!

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3

Feeling frustrated !

So me and my partner are buying our first home. It’s an exciting and stressful time and process. We have viewed a few properties lately and had one viewing booked today (in a different area than the previous ones we have viewed).

It’s been booked in since last week (he booked it), and I confirmed with him Saturday if we were still going and all was fine. He hasn’t mentioned anything today about it, and we were supposed to go at 4pm. So I text to ask him if we are still going and he responded that it’s been cancelled.

I asked him why/what’s the reason and he responded ‘not feeling it’. At that point I got frustrated and text him that I think we need to have a discussion about this, that I don’t think it’s fair he’s making decisions without communicating with me first.

He responded calling me a stupid idiot. Needless to say I am FUMING and so frustrated! I was looking forward to viewing this property as it’s in a different location, and I feel like we need to physically go to these towns and areas to get an idea of the vibe, I don’t think it’s fair he’s cancelling without letting me know and this is the 2nd time this has happened.

I’m even more angry at his childish rude response to me.

Would you be mad?

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