Birth guilt

Does anyone else feel a sense of birth guilt for their baby on how their baby was bought into the world? I planned on having a “natural” birth and ended up with an emergency c section but looking back 4 weeks later at how it all happened, I feel like my autonomy was taken away and maybe I felt slightly pressured into interventions by my partner and the midwifery team that ended up with the c section happening. After a slow labour, my progress stalled and the hormone drop was recommended - we didn’t get to this stage because after the epidural was put in, babies heart rate plummeted and I spiked a temperature. I just can’t help but wonder if I just trusted my body a bit more would it all have been ok?! It’s so annoying thinking like this as I know I can’t change it, I just keep looking at my baby and feeling so sad and hoping the way he was birthed won’t affect him. For context he wasn’t breathing when he was born as he was in shock and swallowed loads of Meconium so had to be resuscitated (it wasn’t long enough for any further care, they seemed happy with his scores after 5 mins but it still makes me sad). For the first couple of weeks I was making peace with the fact it didn’t go to plan as he is with us and seemingly ok, but as time is going on I find myself feeling worse and feeling so anxious about his development and brain and health and I know it’s all overthinking but it’s hard. Anyone else have similar feelings/experiences? Or anyone else have a traumatic birth for the baby and have positive stories on how they are now thriving? Sorry for the essay just wanted to put my feelings out somewhere x

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Hi 👋
My baby had similar issue (meconium aspiration), ours went a little differently after csection my baby taken away to higher tier NICU (another hospital altogether!) ,was there for 16 days.
Those 16 days were grueling, I was dragging my body with the raw stitches to another hospital which was 20 miles away.
I am super grateful to csection as a procedure that helped me meet my baby. Even I hoped to have my baby naturally but god had other plans.
My baby is meeting milestones well.
Hopefully this will help you as you had slightly better experience

So I was 2 weeks overdue with my daughter and had to be induced. My midwifery team spent multiple days trying to induce a vaginal birth - I came in on a Saturday and by Tuesday the chances of a vaginal birth looked pretty slim. We'd tried multiple induction methods and I just wasn't contracting the way I needed to be. Tuesday afternoon they finally told me that a C Section was my best bet before things got too stressful for either the baby or me. The C-Section went well, but they did tell me that she had the cord wrapped around her neck when they pulled her out, which could have made the delivery even trickier for both of us. I also initially felt like I had failed - but a vaginal birth could have increased the risk of complications for both me and my daughter, and that's enough for me to make peace with my C-Section. Also, there's been no data or research showing that C-Sections impact a child ' and trust me, I did ALL the reading while I was pregnant. Born alive and well is all that matters at the end :)

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