Need honest advice - finances and husband
Since I started maternity leave not once has my husband asked me if I need any money or anything to help cover my bills. Everytime I go out on my own and buy my son stuff I pay for it and he doenst give me any money. I don't have any saving left and my last SMP is this month and I will be taking additional 3 months off.
Dont get me wrong when we go out together he pays for groceries etc. sometimes his phone dies so I end up paying and even with that he never asks do I need the money considering I am on SMP. We live with inLws and I want to move out by next year - Again to this he is so uptight and says I need to have money towards it. So I sad fine I will go back to work sooner than I expected and put him into nursery (which he doenst like but I have not option, don't want grandparents to look after him)
He is self employed and ceo of limited companies, he's hardly around always coming home late so I'm pretty much looking after our son myself. Everytime I bring up the topic finances he gets so defensive and keeps bringing up my debt - which yes I know he should not have to be responsible for but I can't rewind time and change my spending habits.
He took money out our savings saying that he will give £1000 a month to pay my credit card off which has not happened .
From our wedding 2 years ago we Received about 12k from gifts which he took 90% for his business. Whilst I was pregnant I said let's put money in a savings account, but he doesn't like doing that, he doesn't like having these conversations and it's so annoying to speak to him about this as all he
Keeps bringing up his my debts. But there's no responsibility of even asking my if I need anything. He hardly helps with household chores. He's always in and out and I'm getting so tired of it. I have voiced so many times I don't want to live here anymore and he says then I need to bring the money. I completely get his work is demanding and he needs to cover all expenses and cost, but he has no 'family commitments' in the sense of a mortgage or bills. Only groceries and baby stuff.
I am now considering to apply for UC as I cannot keep worrying about this for the next 3 months as I clearly cannot rely on him and I'm not at th point that I don't care if it affects him. I know if you make over a threshold you are not eligible but I'm not sure how much he makes money is always going in and out. Don't get me wrong he does buy us stuff when we need and take us out but always will comment on my spending habits even if I sn buying it with my money. He doesn't ask if baby needs anytime becuse he's so occupied with work. For example if we have an event of course I have to buy stuff to give and he starts having a go about that I mean you want me to go empty handed?
When we do go out with my family, he always pays and I do feel bad but that is also because he fights to pay for it and then will bring this up later in an argument.
I'm just so fed up and really starting to resent him, I can't have a conversation with him he always gets annoyed and I also find myself getting annoyed at everything but it's constantly he's on the phone chatting away walking in And out doesn't spend any real quality time with us.
I'm just frustrated and had to rant. . Not sure if anyone else going through the same thing and can relate??
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
It's a real shame how often I see posts like this on here. Particularly when a couple is living together/married. Before maternity leave started you should have sat down together and made a plan for finances, joint expenses, individual expenses, how everything would be paid for during maternity leave and what would happen about you returning to work. Honestly it sounds like you're being financially abused. It may not be a purposeful thing but you have given up your income in order to care for the child that you BOTH made and have responsibility for. Do you have any idea what his income is? Any idea what savings/expenses he has? I can see he makes you feel bad for money he spends on joint things- blames you for money he's willingly spent. He's making you and your needs secondary to his. He does whatever he wants and leaves you in the dark. This is not a partnership. If money is tight that's one thing, but you should be aware how tight so you can both budget/make changes/make sacrifices together.
Honey. This is financial abuse.
This is not normal. This is not okay. This is actually a form of domestic violence.
I think you should make a plan of how you would get out of this relationship. I'm not saying decide to leave immediately (although that would be valid). But you need a plan.
Download the Peanut App
