MIL affecting our relationship

I’ve been with my husband for 11 years. For the first 8 I genuinely felt like I had lucked out with my future in-laws, specifically my MIL. The last 3 years have been difficult but especially pregnancy and the first year PP.

I’m lucky in that my MIL wants to be really involved with our daughter but I often find help is offered if it’s to her own agenda? She wants to be involved with our daughter so will look after her all the time (very lucky) sometimes will jump at the opportunity before I can even ask my own mother (which separately has been hard to juggle) but if we ask for something that doesn’t involve our child, she won’t want to do it.

It’s also small things, if my husband comes home before me and my daughter is being looked after, the house will be clean, food will be cooked for us (let’s face it, him) and she’ll even put the baby to bed if he asks but if I come back she’ll leave the house in a bit of a mess, my daughters food on the table, cups lying around, washing up in the sink etc …the house in a mess doesn’t bother me in itself, she’s looking after our child not a cleaner but it’s the fact that I feel that it’s not mutual support? It feels very much like she’s here to help my husband not “us”.

I can’t talk to my husband about this, I raised an issue when I was about 20 weeks pregnant and he said I had a “vendetta against her”. I don’t know what to do, when she’s here I’m quiet and miserable and when she’s gone I’m super happy, I really don’t want to affect their relationship but I think she’s manipulative and it pisses me off. How do I learn to let go or even better, to not care?

in our community

Go or not?

So me and my husband got into a big argument on Wednesday. He chose to sleep in a separate room and not talk to me for 2 days. Today I approached him to make it good and he went off again yelling. Yes I was wrong and I took accountability for my actions and apologized, but he haven't and won't. Anyway. On Saturday we have a 7 day cruise. Me, him, baby, and him mom. We are all staying in 1 room. It's all paid for and excursions paid also. Now, if this is how it is now, do I go? He doesn't speak to me, like how do I go and enjoy this? Like if don't go I would cost him 3,500$ since the baby will not be going either. Like I'm so torn. I don't want to make this worse, but at the same time I don't know if he's willing to make it good. Help! What should I do

Fines for holidays

I don't understand. Why are parents not collectively kicking off about this ? Striking ? Refusing?

Maybe controversially, but I'm a teacher myself.

Yes, it is super annoying when a child takes off 2 weeks for hol. But, will they make some awesome memories and have precious family downtime? Very likely.

All the fines do (which were introduced by government) is drive a wedge between usually families that are on board with school policies.

It increases lies. Why tell school your child will be off for 2 days and just say they're unwell?

Then, I see absurd comments like 'well techers strike' or 'well teachers have INSET days'. What? We can't train and teach a class simultaneously. A lot of the strikes have for 10+ years not only been about pay freezes but also cuts to funding!! Which some parents are only realising now! Like the fines are even our choice 🤣🤣. 99% of teachers have nothing to do with attendance - we just say if someone is in or not. Even headteachers, who previously had more power, can't really say much over authorised or unauthorised now.

Yes, there are families and safeguarding issues that these fining policies are meant to prevent/protect but it doesn't always do that!!!!

It feelslike the easiest thing to do is bash teachers on social media rather than doing anything about it 🤷‍♀️

Also, don't forget some of us are parents and teachers and these issues do also affect us and our familes!!

Moral dilemma

If a family member's partner was going through a hard time and went to kiss you, you moved and they immediately apologised and seemed very remorseful, would you tell their wife? Their wife has commented that her life would end if they weren't together, he otherwise treats her really well and they have children together.

Really struggling

I have no one I can talk to about this so just gonna post here. I’m really struggling atm mainly financially as in I have £0 and I’m running low on food in the house and I can’t find any help and I’ve asked my family but they’re all too busy eating out and telling me they’re skint to help me. I don’t expect help but it just hurts to see it. I just feel awful for my kids because they don’t know how bad things are and my local food bank is shut atm and there’s nothing I can do. Just want to cry. I’m just making sure the kids eat and I don’t care about myself at this point.

Am I the Ahole?

Husband was in the bathroom and his phone was vibrating, went to check it and something said go through his texts & lo and behold this man is cheating on me! I look the #s on cash app and they all ugly! So now I feel unwanted and am I ugly to him? I know I fell off but I’m stuck in a house with 6 children, just had a baby last October and now I’m 9 weeks pregnant now. He says it’s nothing but these texts says otherwise! You supposed to be fixing cars and you out here servicing females in another way…no wonder he never have money!

How do I handle this?

Husband and I are supposed to be staying overnight with friends 2hrs away tomorrow. My mom will have our toddler.

We got into an argument the night before last. He’s been at work (works 24h shifts) so we haven’t had time to talk everything out. I was VERY upset and even told my mom I just want to take my daughter and leave. Things don’t feel resolved. Should we still try to salvage it and go?