Please check this message for me.

Without providing any context I know it's hard, but my husband and I are in a bad place. I want to repair things. Please just check this and see if it's fair/makes sense/is clear about my intention?

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My intention is never to hurt you, I don't want to make your life harder or make you sad, so I am sorry for hurting your feelings.

I think we have a problem where neither one of us can ever raise anything because it leads to the other feeling criticised and getting defensive, and for me that probably manifests in a louder/argumentative state and for you in a very sad/retreating state.

I want us to be able to bring something to the table without it descending in the same argument again and again. I want to implement a safe word/phrase/moment where if you want to say something like yesterday morning, the other person just has to take it on board and listen. Like no response other than "thank you for bringing that to my attention", and then you have to just leave it there for a moment. This is an idea I initially came up with in therapy.

I see this as the only way for us to communicate our issues right now. It allows us to say what is bothering us, without the fear of retaliation.
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I'm committed to doing this in the hopes it makes you feel more secure and forces me to take a step back from the situation and not get defensive so that I can be empathetic and apologetic.

I hope that you can commit to doing this too so that you can separate my communications about struggling or feeling overloaded from the idea that I hate you or am being mean.

This is important to me because I dislike the notion that I am the only person that needs to alter my behaviour. We have to _both_ be active in this change in order to feel like we are moving forward and coming to a solution as a team.

I want to be your team mate, I chose you to spend a life with because I love you and I hate the way things are now. I want to feel equal and supported and loved, and I know I haven't shown that to you either recently. So I am sorry for that too.

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