Pregnancy loss, stillbirth and infant loss 👼

Going through my second loss after years of trying. I feel completely broken, angry, and hopeless

I am sitting here crying uncontrollably, and I just don’t know how to proceed anymore. I recently found out I am experiencing my second pregnancy loss (another Ectopic). The first resulting in me having emergency surgery and losing my left tube.

After years of trying to conceive, I have only ever managed to get pregnant twice.. Both have now ended in devastating losses. This second loss hurts even worse than the first one. The pain cuts so deep that I feel like I will never be the same person again. I find myself slipping right back into a severe depressive state, and it feels impossible to pull myself out.

I am so incredibly mad at my body. I feel like it completely failed me, and I feel failed by my own womb. I have literally found myself screaming trying to wake up from this bad dream that seems to won't leave. I feel like I’m losing it.

I even find myself feeling so mad at God. I know I shouldn't direct my anger toward Him, but all of this feels like a cruel joke. Why give me those positive tests? Why give me a pregnancy and let me think that everything is finally going to be okay? You start planning your entire future and getting so excited, just for it to be ripped away from you shortly after you find out.

I keep asking myself what I did so bad in life to deserve this. Why is this happening to me? All I have ever wanted in life is to be a mother.

Everywhere I look, I see babies and pregnancy announcements. It feels like a slap in the face. It feels like a cruel reminder of what I loss. It is so hard to watch people who didn’t even want their babies, or people struggling with severe addiction, go on to have perfectly healthy pregnancies while I am left with empty arms. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to be around anyone.

At this rate, it feels like IVF might be my only option left to have a family, but I can't even afford it. I am completely overwhelmed, my emotions are everywhere, and I just feel so incredibly hopeless.

in our community

Driving alone with baby?

When did you first drive with just your baby in the back? I've got the full safe setup installed but I am still nervous to drive anywhere alone yet. My baby is 5 weeks old on Friday and there's a bf support group I want to attend but it's too far to walk there :(

When my husband drives I am in the back with my son, holding his head when there are sharp turns and potholes because he is still a bit too small for the car seat to be holding his head in place (apparently this is normal and still fine but it worries me!)

How long did you wait?

Obviously you’re meant to wait at least 6 weeks after giving birth but is it still safe to do it before the 6 weeks?

Need advice!!

Posting as incognito as I don’t want to feel judged! I’ve tried getting hold of my health visitor but she never answers the phone.

My little boy is 13 weeks old and is breast fed, he won’t take to dummies or anything like that.

Since around maybe 11 weeks he has point blank refused to sleep in his next to me (he’s not been too much of a fan sleeping by himself in his own bed since birth but would sleep in there for a good 5 hours) at night time so for 2 weeks I’ve only been able to get him to sleep in bed next to me on the boob, now he also has not been able to sleep without boob in his mouth and if I move an inch or even go for a wee he kicks off immediately (he just wants to be on my boob throughout the whole night) nothing myself or my partner has tried has worked, I’ve tried pumping and giving him a bottle before bed but that made everything 10x worse to the point he refused to sleep for 4 hours. I’ve even tried leaving the room so my partner can try patting him off/ cuddling him but my boy screams to the top of his lungs until I come back and then he’s fine. He also sleeps absolutely fine during his naps too with the occasional fighting his nap time.

He’s had a sleep regression at 12 weeks and is now out of that sleep regression and is also teething but I just genuinely don’t understand why he’s is like this now! I honestly feel like a prisoner in/ tied down to my own bed at night and I’m also starting to dread bed time as I’m not getting a full nights sleep from where he’s stirring looking for my boob constantly/ looking to make sure I’m still there and where my body won’t let me be in a deep sleep where he’s sleeping next to me.

It’s genuinely getting to the point where I’m feeling down and emotional all the time and where I’m not sleeping properly I’m a lot more snappy with my partner/ others than usual.

Cycle after birth?

When did your cycle come back after giving birth? I just made it to 6 week postpartum and I’m a breast feeding mom. I heard breast feeding stops your cycle from coming is that true?

Milk coming in 27 weeks!

Hey just wanted to check if it’s normal to be leaking a small amount of milk at 27 weeks? This is my second baby and my milk didn’t come in with my first until around 36 weeks🫣

Baby won’t sleep after 3am feed

My baby is 11 weeks old. He sleeps quite well initially from 9pm to 3am. After he wakes up for a feed I can get him back to sleep but without fail he wakes up 30 minutes later grunting and wriggling. He does this so much he wakes himself up. I’m struggling with my days starting at 3am. Any advice on how to deal with this?