Life advice, TW Mentions of Miscarriage
Can someone please give me some advice on what to do - wrote I get started I am pregnant and already very stressed out I don’t want anyone telling me I’m being love bombed ,
I met my bf In January 2025 , I had just turned 23 and he 25, in the April he took me to Portugal and asked me to marry him , we got on like a house on fire and he treated me like the most beautiful girl in the world , so I said yes , I had always lived with my mom and dad but when we got back from holiday we moved in together in the same town I already lived In , we argued a few times but it never got violent or out of hand just regular couple problems you know , it’s worth mentioning that he is from Brazil , he came to the uk in 2018 with absolutely no family bar a cousin who was born here and lived around 2 hours away , he was raised by his grandmother who is now in her late 70s and he has not been back home since 2022, to be fair he has always made me aware that some day he will be going back to live in Brazil .
Anyway fast forward to now we have moved to Manchester, in this time frame I’ve quit three different jobs , misscarried , got pregnant again , planned a wedding , had to cancel it , been away from my mum and dad longer than I ever have before , I knew I always wanted a baby but he had previously told me that due to some issues with his hormones he would likely never give me children , and honestly being so young it didn’t bother me as I was happy to take our time and see what the future held , if that ment trying ivf or adopting I would be open when the time was right .
After changing medication in November the doctor advised him that after consistent use of this drug that the possibility of him being able to give me a child would be higher but would take around 5-10 years , you can imagine my shock on Boxing Day I found out we got pregnant, I was scared but it felt right , on my birthday this year I lost the baby , it happened so quick I couldn’t process it , and between getting engaged, moving , changing jobs and now this I was starting to become very stressed out and depressed ; by some miracle I got pregnant again not even three weeks later , I’m now 34 weeks and everything is looking good , I quit my job again in July as my mental heath was just very poor , my employers knew about my misscarried and I made then aware that I was extremely anxious around this pregnancy and they didn’t really help me much so I quit for my sanity ,
Now my partner has decided that in April we are going to Brazil for a year with our baby as a way to get us both used to it for when we move their indefinitely, I know this is something we both need to agree on but I’m so scared to say I don’t want to go , he told me from the jump that is what he wanted but I honestly have no friends anymore , my only real support system is my mum who I call almost everyday , I don’t see her that often as she is around two hours away but I know if I need her she would be there for me , I’m scared because I can speak Portuguese but not very well at all and where he is planning on moving back to is not a tourist part of Brazil and nobody in his family can speak any English at all (fair enough) but I’m just worried that another big life change will send me over the edge , I’m scared to move away from my family with my new baby to a country I’ve never been to before , the time difference is too big to call my mum like I can now , and even though she said she is excited for me to go I can tell she is heart broken that she will not see her grandson for a whole year after he is 6 months , and to be honest my mum and dad are both over 65 I wanted them to experience as much of his life as possible and now I’m said because when we plan to come back he will almost be two years old .
I don’t know what to do because I know if I speak up and tell him how I feel he will be heartbroken as he wants to see his family and I do think it’s important and our son learns his culture and meets his other family as well , from the broken conversations I’ve had with his family they seem extremely kind and loving and caring just like my husband but a part of me is so scared and I’m worried if I go my feeling of isolation will only grow and potentially turn into something worse .
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
So my experience is a little bit opposite but It might give you a little perspective, I’m from Colombia, hubby is from the US. When we met he knew I wanted to go back to live in Colombia eventually. Well we tried living there a couple years ago didn’t work out and got back to the US, where I ended up pregnant. I’ve been wanting to go back still even after having the baby. Hubby is extremely hesitant because tbh his experience wasn’t the best, not because it was bad but because it is definitely a lot to take in and it is a completely different culture. It’s really hard to adjust to a new culture and a new way of living, specially if you can only really communicate with one person. He felt completely left out, couldn’t communicate with anyone and I unfortunately was super focused on my family because I hadn’t seen them for so long. All this caused resentment from his side. I would voice your concerns to him, because having a baby is no joke and neither is moving to a new country.
It’s completely different, like the way people interact, drive, and the way the country runs.Like for the longest me and my family were wary of him going out on his own because he stood out as a foreigner. People don’t treat foreigners the same and sometimes they even try to take advantage of them. He was able to communicate and he picks up languages pretty fast, but when we were with my family it was hard for him to feel included. Like he communicated but at the end of the day couldn’t have a full conversation expect with me if that makes sense. I get that being away from family is hard but two changes all at once can be pretty stressful, I would suggest waiting after you guys are comfortable with baby because they first few months after a baby can be pretty rough. I wouldn’t recommend being a new parent in a foreign country until you’re comfortable with baby.
Download the Peanut App
