Visiting family

Putting this out there just to see if anyone can share some advice.

Since having my little boy I’ve experienced some anxiety about going outside, especially when it’s just me and him. I feel a lot more confident when my other half joins us and have been venturing out a lot more lately.

My mum lives on the other side of the country and has been visiting once a month since our baby was born. (Her visits stress me out every time they approach as she if very patronising, condescending and rude.)
For Novembers visit, she wants to bring me and my baby back with her to spend some time at her house. Also, main reason being, my grandma is over there in a home on account of being nearly 100 years old. My mum has been guilt tripping me saying she won’t get to meet my baby before she dies 😩

My worries about this:
-The drive is LONG and my son hates car seats, I’m panicking he’ll just cry the whole way.
-My other half can’t join us. He has work and can’t just leave everything for a few days to take the trip.
-I would not be able to leave my son with my mum and stepdad for a second. (Even to shower/nip to the loo) they’re both elderly and clueless. Plus they have two dogs that I don’t trust around the baby and I just don’t think they’d be vigilant enough watching them.
-My baby hasn’t been sleeping too well lately and it’ll be hard doing all day and all night alone if we have some bad ones.
-Before I had my baby I hated going there, I don’t get on particularly well with them and have never been close with my grandma, growing up I felt more like a nuisance to her.

My mum is aware of my anxious feelings and at first didn’t put pressure on me. But now she talks about the trip as if it’s a done deal, leaving me no excuse not to go. HELP 😭

She thinks mental health is a ‘load of rubbish’ and thinks people with anxiety/depression are attention seeking. So even though I have spoken to her about it, I can tell she just thinks I’m pathetic

I really feel like if I go, it will be a huge set back for my mental health which I’ve been working so hard to build back by taking small steps.

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Do what you are comfortable with and don’t feel guilty about it.

Sounds like you need to say no? If you have no inclination for your Grandma to meet baby then do it in your time, when your partner can go with you x

Honestly, from reading your post, I really don't think you should feel pressured into going. ❤️ You've listed so many genuine concerns, and it sounds like the trip would be incredibly stressful rather than enjoyable for you and your little one.
I completely understand your mum wanting your grandma to meet your baby, especially given her age, but that doesn't mean your mental health and your baby's needs should be pushed aside. Guilt-tripping you isn't fair, especially when she knows you're struggling with anxiety.
Perhaps you could plan a visit further down the line when your partner can come too, if that's something you actually want to do.
Most importantly, don't let anyone rush you into something you're not comfortable with just to keep them happy. You're allowed to have boundaries, even with your own mum. ❤️

Do what you think is best for you and your child, and also do what makes you happy. If your family stresses you out and don’t bring any peace whatsoever and you think you’ll be wanting to return home the moment you get there then just think about the long drive back home. I also have A LOT of anxiety when it comes to going out with my kiddos. I’m also scared of EVERYTHING and I know it’s a bad feeling. Sending positivity your way🩷

I would just make up an excuse and not go. If she lives on the other side of the country then the drive will be long. They recommend baby should spend a maximum of 2 hours consecutively in a car seat. For longer journeys, stop every 1.5 to 2 hours to take the baby out, feed them and let them stretch. It would make the journey to hers extra long and it would need to be repeated again on the way home. Present this in a very off-putting way and hopefully she will back off x

Don’t go. Honestly, there is not one thing you’ve said that made me think you should. You have your baby now so honestly who cares what anyone else’s opinion is (no matter who they are). People will ALWAYS have opinions so do what is best for you and your baby.
Especially don’t go if it could set back your mental health- again for your baby because your baby needs you so you need to look after yourself too.
Please don’t put yourself through it and please don’t feel bad x

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