Is a blended family hard because it’s unnatural?
I am struggling in my blended family and currently in couples counseling. It feels like I’m a bit misunderstood by the woman who counsels us. She seems to be hardest on me and empathize with my partner. Not sure if it’s because he brings 3 children or what but I’m over this. All I want is to figure out my financial independence again so I have security. We can’t afford a house and we live at my mother’s. My partner says he wants marriage but he doesn’t think we can afford to be married. I feel like we have two kids together and then with his older three it sets an example of our commitment to one another if we were married. He has said he prioritizes the kids and I know in theory children should come first but in our family I always feel last. Not sure if getting married would change any of this but I believe marriage is an integral component or foundation to a family and we don’t have that. It was important to him with his ex wife he had kids with but with me and our two babies it feels like an impossible option until we can afford it.
I want to be with my partner but sometimes I wonder if we should separate. It would be incredibly hard for me seeing my business took a great hit once I started having kids and now I’m trying to get back on my feet. I love him but this tough season where we are a family of 7 living in my mom splitting two bedrooms feels like a sacrifice I’m struggling with. All for love… I want my kids raised in the home with their father. I also don’t want to suffer with the weight of this blended family on my shoulders either.
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Love comes with sacrifices, you both have made some but it seems as if you feel you have had to sacrifice more, I don’t necessarily think you have a problem with the family being “blended” but I do think there may be issues possibly with communication or personal priorities (between both of you) for example you want to be married and it seems like a big breaking point in the relationship because he isn’t making it a priority if that makes sense… with that being said you could always get eloped at the court house then have a wedding in a few years. You don’t have to have a big wedding to show everyone else how much you love each other it can always just be you both or all of you (including the kids)…. But to get into the “weight of a blended family” thing… you knew he had kids when you got with him, you knew that when you decided to have more children with him. If you thought you couldn’t handle a “blended” family then why put yourself and your children in a place you aren’t happy….
Its hard cause everyone has there own ego that more important then the children in that family. Also i would recommend getting a new couple therapist. Me and my husband went to one and she was the same way to me. Even my husband was like no you got it wrong its my fault and the woman was like no it's hers. We stopped going to her. And just worked on it ourselves.
It sounds like there are quite a few issues happening all at once, which will make all of them feel so much worse than they would on their own. Big picture though it doesn’t seem necessarily like a blended family issue (idk if that helps you or not) every couple has their own way of functioning, but I know for me and my husband we make a point to put each other first whenever possible because all the kids will get the best version of us when our cups are full. I also speak from experience that being in a cramped and unpleasant living situation will have everyone at each other’s throats over every little thing, I’d highly recommend finding couples exercises for ya’ll to do on your own at home, and prioritizing even a few brief check ins to communicate things that feel heavy on your mind and just giving each other grace in a time where it’s incredibly easy to lash out and blame each other
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