AITA for wanting my boyfriend to shower
I (21F) and my boyfriend (22M) are expecting our first baby in July of this year. He and I moved in together around February of this year. After living with him for a couple months I picked up on some hygiene habits he has that I was not aware of until we started living together. My biggest issue with his hygiene is he does not like to shower very often. He works six days a week and takes a shower 3-4 times throughout the week despite working 12-8 hour shifts at work. It’s always bothered me but I didn’t have the courage to say anything. One night last week he got super drunk after work with a friend and drove himself home. When I found him he was laying on our bathroom floor puking his guts out. I was upset with him but figured I would talk to him in the morning about the drunk driving. He fell asleep in a pile of his own puke and tried to slip into bed with me an hour later WITHOUT showering. I snapped and I told him to get the f**k out that he was not to sleep in our clean bed covered in vomit. He proceeded to fall asleep on our floor in the dogs bed. After a couple hours he got into bed and despite me telling him no he told me to go and f**k myself because he worked in a couple hours and wasn’t going to sleep on the floor all night. I proceeded to pack my things and stay with my parents for the weekend. I was livid with how he had treated me and he asked me when I was planning to come home a couple days into staying with my parents. Over the phone I discussed a few changes I would like to be made as far as him picking up after himself and my main one was he needs to shower daily. He told me he would do it and be better because he loved me and didn’t want our child to grow up with split parents. So I came home. Well he was good the first day I came home but then a couple days go by and he still hadn’t showered. I didn’t say anything. Last night he was due to come home around 4 and I figured well it’s been three days now since he’s showered and he worked a double shift he’ll definitely want to shower when he gets home. I was WRONG. After coming home he immediately got into bed without showering and I made a comment that he stunk and he needed a shower. He told me it was 4 in the morning and that it was too late even though he was awake anyway and a shower takes literally five minutes. So I got up and proceeded to pack a bag because I figure if I can’t have a voice now I’ll never get to have one. He didn’t say a word he let me pack my things and was perfectly okay with letting his pregnant girlfriend go out on the road at 4:30 in the morning instead of just taking a shower. I snapped and we got into a huge argument where he called me a b*tch and every other name in the book. He got up and showered but was banging around very angrily the whole time. He had made a comment about how dare I tell him what to do after he worked all day and I did nothing but sit on my ass he thinks I should be working right now, despite being seven months pregnant. I also did not sit on my ass all day I cleaned the whole house so he would have a relaxing environment to come home to. I even made banana bread and was told I ruined it because I put chocolate chips in it. I ended up crying myself to sleep last night. I don’t know what to do. If I wasn’t having a baby with him I would pack my stuff and get out but I feel bad leaving my sons father. We are supposed to have a baby shower next Sunday. He has not said one word to me all day except for see you later before he left for work. I honestly feel like I want to uninvite him from our baby shower. And I feel like telling him not to bother coming to the birth of our baby because of the way he treats me I feel like he does not love me. I I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried talking to him, but nothing ever seems to get through.
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because you’re pregnant and this is such a sensitive time for you is why you should leave him. having a kid with someone doesnt tie you down to them forever, sure you may not want a broken home but you also have to think about how the relationship is making you feel and the example he’s starting to set for his kid someday.
Showering is your boundary and you are asking him to respect it. He is choosing not to🤷🏼♀️. I think he is being very disrespectful its not about his work or the fact of who does what. Its a simple matter of staying clean.
Things won't change, I think by now you know this.
If you need a reason to leave, reread your post. He doesn't respect you. If your friends partner treated her this way, what advice would you give? I don't think you'd tell her to stick around.
He drove drunk. Huge red flag. Huge huge red fucking flag!!!!
He vomited on himself and didn't shower.
That's disgusting. Can you trust him with a baby??!!
You’re not the a hole. He’s a mess and having the baby won’t change that. He clearly doesn’t respect you. Taking care of his hygiene shouldn’t even be a discussion let alone a constant argument. He just doesn’t care. Do yourself a favor and leave him for the sake of you and your child’s well-being.
1/2 I thiiink maybe there’s a little bit of issue on both sides. My husband works construction and sometimes when he gets home he is in fact way too tired to take a shower… I would never in that situation tell him to get the fuck out and not lay on the bed we share until he’s showered. I might suggest we shower together to make it a little more appealing. I might let him nap and change the sheets when he’s done. I might even let him sleep like that if I know he’s had a bad day and just not cuddle with him. But the problem really starts when neither of you are being respectful with what you are saying. I personally would have a sit down conversation with only kind words explaining that 1) hygiene is very important to you especially with a baby on the way. 2) getting that drunk will not be okay when he is fathering your child (especially if he wants to drive himself) and 3) talk about why you communicate the way you communicate.
2/2 there’s very little I can say about how he acted when he was drunk. Was it gross? Yes. But his judgment was impaired because it sounds like he was pretty wasted. I would have helped my husband out of his clothes, helped him at least wipe himself off or something, gotten fresh clothes and put him to bed because ik that’s what he would have done for me.
You guys sound like you want it to work for the baby but if you don’t work on how you treat each other it’ll never get better.
As a child of parents that didn’t get along, always screamed at eachother, and had addiction issues, my perspective is I know you don’t wanna leave because of your child, but in the bigger picture if you guys argue like that and he comes home like that all the time it’s going to affect your child way more than if you guys aren’t together.
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