Letting off some steam

I am so burnt out in my marriage it’s becoming hard to find reasons to stay. I’ve been with my husband since I was 15 and him 18 and we’ve been married for 2 years with a 6 year old. I’ve these 10 years he has cheated on and off, none in the last 4/5 years that’s I’ve caught and I always catch him. Well he has always been the type to not meet the standards for most men (pay bills gifts for holidays anniversary dates prioritize anything household wise) and I’ve never complained or spoke down to him, let me let the house go because I’ve had a hard time mentally and or go out of work because COVID hits and my daughters daycare kept closing and financially was just the way it had to go and I’m a lazy sorry excuse for a wife and mother. Well he’s been out of work since end of December because he got into a car accident at work and he smokes and wouldn’t pass a drug test and had refused to get a job until just recently because I’ve only just now been getting on him about getting a job because he’s been “trying” to start his own business (because he doesn’t want to stop smoking and maintain a legit job) and I was being the supportive spouse but now schools over and I couldn’t afford childcare on top of the bills and he didn’t want to be stuck at home dad (he’s not allowed to smoke around our kid or in my house mind you) well today he’s gotten paid by his under the table piss poor job and is complaining that the 1 out of 5 bills I’ve given him to pay will leave him with not money for smoke 💨 or any kind. His daughter needs new shoes and clothes for the summer and he’s worried about smoking. He can’t even bother to fix my car that I use to drive our daughter to school and myself to work everyday and I’m the one paying the bills. He borrowed 4,000$ from his grandparents to get himself a new/used truck because his was falling apart. I drive a 400$ Toyota 2007 and he’s driving a basically brand new vehicle. I’m just so tired and wonder where I went wrong in life to be dealing with this.