Why are people so obsessed with being alone with ur baby?
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They are also offering to give you a break, or to give you and her son a date night. I would be the type of MIL who will offer to take my Gchild to give daughter/in law a break, and a chance for them to have date nights coz I believe they are both important. Many couples just need to reconnect w each other, how it was before baby. A night like that regularly would do the whole relationship wonders, I know we hugely benefit w w date night and reminding ourselves who we fell in love with.
Because babies are different when they know their mom is there/can see you. If you’re not around she prob thinks they will bond more. I know that’s how it always was/has been with my son. He’s a different baby for my MIL when I’m home vs not.
My dad used to say with my nephew he’d try talking to him (he was of the age where he couldn’t talk back) and my sil would be there answering for him. It’s time where they can spoil their grandchildren and build memories without us hovering over them. My dad unfortunately can’t do it now but he used to take my son out to London as a day trip or when he was a baby they’d take him for a babbicino at costa. Gave me a much needed break as well especially when I had two and needed to take one to swimming lessons ect.
I always find this weird too. Thankfully no one has asked to be alone with our LO, and we have only allowed our grandparents alone time but that was us making that decision.. they never asked! If someone asked for it then my mind would be doing overtime even though it’s probably innocent.. but I would be wondering why and politely decline 🤷🏼♀️ I’d personally never ask for alone time with someone else’s child either, there’s no reason why you should want it imo 😂
Absolutely nobody besides me & my partner have our baby alone. Until she can speak for herself she won’t be alone with anyone 🤷🏼♀️ It’s upto you who has time with your baby alone or whilst your there. It’s just weird if they are persistent about it. Shut them down be clear it won’t happen until your ready
When he was a baby, my son wanted nothing to do with anyone when I was around. I know my MIL enjoyed the few times my husband and I left him with her. It made her feel closer to him.
@Sam I find it very odd how many mothers don’t want their MIL or in-laws in general around their children. It’s almost like they feel threatened by them having time with their child. (Not saying this is the OP’s feelings or situation).
Lmao my comment got reported, but I completely agree with you. It’s creepy as fuck. Offering now and then to babysit is fine, but continuously nagging for “alone time” and won’t take no for an answer pisses me off. What do you want to do that you can’t do when I’m there? Absolutely not. If this was grandfathers “needing alone time” with their granddaughter and doesn’t want anyone else around I’m sure people would think differently. I don’t care what family member they are, MIL, my own mum, my sister, nope.
I think it’s so they can care for and interact with them in a way that isn’t going to be judged or micromanaged by the parents - including doing stuff that goes against the parent’s wishes. Or so they can “bond” with them more and exert more control over the relationship. If somebody was to push for it, I’d find it annoying and/or worrying, and it’d make me feel uneasy about allowing one on one access. Like @Jolou I won’t be allowing anyone one on one time with my son (except with maybe my mother) until he can talk and express his own boundaries, likes and dislikes.
@Lara 🙌🏼👏🏼
@Jada threatened? No I don’t feel threatened I am protecting my children. Although I trust my parents were don’t trust people around them. I was abused in my own home by step brothers when just a little girl. It can happen anywhere with anyone. I will protect my children with every last breathe in my body. So it’s not about feeling threatened at all and I don’t see it as “odd” either I actual salute any parents who also are very careful who they trust with their babies/children. If people trust their in laws great! If you trust your parents great! If you trust everyone in your family great! It means you have never been subject to SA by them.
@Carmen 🫶🏼. I would only trust 2 other people with my daughter but I still have no reason for them to have one on one time unless an emergency 🤷🏼♀️
I know my LB looks to me or my husband if we’re there rather than other family members. It allows them space to bond 😊
I'm so glad I'm not the only one! And wanting sleep overs I don't understand it. Visit by all means and when I need time I'm happy for grandparents to have him but the obsession with having him and sleep overs is causing so much anxiety. my boys 10 weeks and I think he's far to young and personally I don't like the idea of sleep overs no matter who it's with x
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You don’t owe her anything and she is not entitled to be alone with your baby. It’s not her baby. She didn’t give birth to or create it. 💁🏻♀️
@Jolou I understand that your experience would make you want to be extra precautious. My comment is more so directly referencing mothers who solely act this way towards their in laws. I have expectations and boundaries when people are around my children, as I should. I don’t even allow my father to see my son. However, these expectations and boundaries are expected on both sides of the family. I can’t imagine allowing my son to be alone with my mother and then telling my husband our child can’t be alone with his. So again, my comment refers to moms who are specifically over cautious of their MIL.
@Jada fair enough. Maybe people haven’t got a relationship with their in-laws and I think if the mother hasn’t a bond or relationship with the in-laws they aren’t going to feel comfortable with them having their most precious little ones 🤷🏼♀️
@Jolou yes I’m the same
wow this escalated 🤣 i love my MIL and she spends lots of time with her grandson. it’s happened with other people and not just her. my son is very social and outgoing, my presence does not hinder his ability to bond with family. when he’s old enough to communicate properly, then he can have alone time with others. for now he stays with me🤦🏻♀️ i also don’t trust that people will respect my rules and boundaries when i’m absent.
@Abby 💯 it’s also about following boundaries too!The older generation always think what they did is best 😕
Can I ask what all you mums are doing when you go back to work if you won’t allow your babies to be with anyone else? Will you not use childcare?
@Jemma I’m a SAHM so my baby is with me everyday. We go on play dates with my friends and stroll around so she still gets socialization.
@Ciara i just mean there are so many women here who say they won’t leave their child with anyone until they can speak. What about the ones who have to return to work? Is a stranger who works in childcare more trustworthy than a family member? Just curious
@Jemma I think that any mom can do whatever she feels comfortable with. We don’t have to all agree with each other. I personally don’t leave her alone with anyone unless it’s my husband or mom when I run errands. But that’s me. I do what makes me happy but I also have that option. As a mother, I don’t feel obligated to leave her alone with somebody that I don’t care to leave her alone with, doesn’t matter who. I think some people have been disrespected by family members and lost their trust, so in that case, they may find other people more trustworthy. It happens.
@Jemma i’m a SAHM for this reason - i don’t trust childcare either. i worked in a nursery for 1 week on work experience and vowed to never put my future child in one - i saw some awful things.
@Abby so you’ve lost all trust in all childcare because of 1 nursery? Did you report them? What was so bad about it? Btw I’m not arguing against any mum who doesn’t want to leave their babies I only trust my mum and partner so far but I intend to go back to work
@Jemma I am a SAHM also for this reason I trust nobody. Hoping to build some trust as I do want her to go to preschool/nursery around age 2. I do really feel for mums that have no choice but to use nurseries and you have to have trust in them. I think there’s deeper issues also for some of us which we will have to work through 😕
@Jolou that must be a difficult thing to manage if you have a trauma background. My baby is 9 months and I’m still very protective of him. I’m dreading puting him in childcare but plan to transition if I can so we can both slowly get used to it
@Jemma i reported all my concerns to their manager, yes. it’s my choice to stay home with my son, for many other reasons as well. they would leave babies sat in dirty nappies because “it wasn’t changing time yet”. they would leave potty-training toddlers to wet themselves instead of taking them to the toilet, and tell their parents they had an “accident”. safe sleep wasn’t a thing. safety proofing was barely a thing. so many things. i know my son is safe with me, i don’t know what goes on behind closed doors at any nursery no matter how good they may seem.
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@Abby that sounds like a really neglectful nursery. I’d hope most are nowhere near like that. I’m glad you get to stay at home with your babies
That does sound a little weird. Could totally be innocent (I know when I’m alone with a child it’s totally different than when I’m with another adult and the child - I can just get more into the child’s world and enjoy their little personality or act silly without feeling like I’m being watched or judged by the other adult) but to make a big deal about wanting alone time just sounds a little off to me. Maybe just nicely bring it up to her about how it makes you feel? But idk. Parents and in-laws can be tricky to know how to approach sometimes. Wish you the best of luck!
I would say no. Sounds weird. Your child. X
Mine is/was exactly like this until it was actually my baby who decided she didnt likr it and now havent seen her in 6 months! They only had her 3 times alone coz mama bear didnt like it often and only started when she was 6 months, not allowed earlier. They barely would come round our place or make plans with all of us. She just wanted her alone. The few times she went they claimed to have a good day but she would be fussy and she is NOT a fussy baby one bit generally. We woulr make it a day date or something for us for a few hours to use the time. They came round to see her on her first birthday (not the party) and she CRIED and didnt want to be near MIL or DIL. They asked when they could next have her but that encounter decided it for me. I spoke with my partner and WE both agreed she must have some kind of association of being taken by them becayse she does not react like it to anyone else and no one else had her alone. So we told MIL we would stop the alone time for now and hang out more together....
... and they needed to come round more. So she would feel more comfortable. MIL took umbridge to this decision and hasnt spoken to/seen us in 6 months since! (I dont care i dont like bitch anyway). DIL randomly brought Easter eggs round in April time alone and my LG took one look at him and burst into tears on the floor and then when she would look at him she was clutched onto me so tightly 🥺. So we think she defo has a negative association to them now and its a shame coz i like DIL but hes controlled by MIL so even her cant come around for her to get more used to him either and they live like 5 mins away! 🙄. Im pregnant with no.2 now and MIL will not be getting a look in with this baby. She hasnt bothered with my LG for 6 months so she can get fucked quite frankly 🤷🏼♀️
Also just to add, my own mum and my neighbour and other grandparent types ive asked all think its strange to want to take a baby away alone from their mother as well. 🤷🏼♀️ My mum watches my Daughter 2 days a week for me now im working and that shes 18 months and has never had any issues whatsoever. My LG loves my mum.
@Caz omg wow!! babies don’t get randomly afraid of specific people like that for no reason, you did the right thing xx
My MIL is like this… And the crazy thing is I trust them and she has babysat while we went out to dinner or a movie. But the continual insistence of us just leaving her with our LO regularly just comes off weird to me. But my MIL also won’t come to our house, won’t watch her at bed time because “it’s a waste” so more issues than that but still 😂
@Maddy yesss mine is the same!🤯
It might feel to her like a proof of trust maybe? 😂 I don’t know. But I guess when you leave your kid alone with someone it’s because you trust them, so maybe she wants to have that.