How to handle an unsupportive family

I’m 21 weeks pregnant, single and 20 years old. I found out a week ago and my family is pushing me to get abortion as well as the father who doesn’t want to be involved. I really wanna keep my baby but I know that when I’m past 23 weeks an abortion won’t be possible they’re all gonna instantly demand I go down the adoption route.

My parents are constantly blaming eachother for me becoming pregnant and my sisters refuse to see or speak to me anymore. I’ve only known I’ve been pregnant for like a week. It was a sudden shock to all of us but I just feel nobody truly cares how I’m feeling through this. They’re all too focused on being angry at eachother because of this situation.

How do you manage dealing with family when they are my only hope for support besides government assistance? I don’t ever expect them to help financially but I was just hoping they could be there emotionally for me. My hope is they’ll come around some day but everyone seems disgusted by me. It’s making it even harder to manage this news.

How do I tell them my decision of keeping my baby? How do I manage my relationship with my family being ruined?

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.
Add a comment
Avatar

I'm sorry mama, that's so very hard.
I'm 26 and have had a stable job and savings for years, and I couldn't make it without help from my family.

Do you have friends or family friends that could be there for you, will the dad be involved?

You need a support system of some sort, and it's definitely best to figure that our before baby comes.

Do you have a job and benefits (healthcare, etc?)

It's so hard to have conversations like that but I find it best to write my thoughts down beforehand. They will want to know what you are thinking and what your plan is. How you will provide and manage your child, childcare, baby expenses, your own job, where you will live, etc.
It was hard having these conversations with my family when I told them I was pregnant. Their initial reactions were all worry and frustration, but it's gotten a lot better since then. They all love my daughter and have come around to being supportive.

I'm happy to chat if you need someone to talk to!

Avatar

the only support I have would be my mom. She has offered to move in with me if needed for even a few months as she works from home when the baby arrives.

I have a full time job but I’ve only been at this new company for about a month so I won’t be approved for paid leave when the baby comes. I do have benefits but I need to look into it more and speak with hr. Do you know if there are any assistance programs to help cover costs while I’m out of work? My hope is that I can back to work as soon as I can when the time comes.

I’m trying to figure out my plan, it’s just so hard not knowing where to start because I have to figure out how I’m gonna do it alone

Avatar

@Mya I live with my mom, I have since I was pregnant. It's not always been easy living with her but she has been sooo helpful. I can't imagine anything else.

Assistance programs really depend on your income and living situation, but it's definitely worth looking into wic, child support, etc. Most states have representatives (social workeres) who can assist. The hospital you deliver at should also have social workers that can help - but it's best to figure things out before then.

I love my daughter more than anything but it can be hard not having help from her dad, logistically and emotionally.

Avatar

I feel pregnant with my eldest when I was 19 my family was like urs I was still living at home my mum went crazy but I told her I was planning on keeping my daughter if that was an issue then I would move out she didn't speak 2 me in like a month despite us living in the same house but eventually she did come around it's ur decision on what u want 2 do and nobody can force u 2 do something u dnt want 2 do

Avatar

You’re over half way. And you clearly want this child. It’s gonna be hard but you should do it.
You family to insist you get a termination at this point is horrendous. It’s not just a bundle of cells. That baby has bones, hair, teeny toes and In just 3 weeks time they become viable which means they can survive outside of the womb. If you didn’t know that already I hope that helps you understand how developed they are already.
That child will be the love of your life, screw anyone who doesn’t support you.
Good luck.
You’ve got this

Avatar

My father pushed me to get an abortion my baby is almost 2 months and he still hasn’t spoken to me they are going to make their choice regardless some of them will probably come to terms with it some others will not but if you want to keep your baby you should I kept my baby and I’m so so so happy I did you should do what you think is right and what’s best for you

Avatar

Don’t do anything that you don’t want to do. Create a support system even if that just your mom a friend and a social worker. Gov assistance will help and you will make a way and you will come out stronger from this. Right now everything must seem so out of place and impossible but a mother will make the impossible possible when it comes to there child. Take a deep breath and make a plan you still have time to prepare for the baby. People on this app give things away all the time when you find out the gender let me know I can pass down some things to you. ♥️ make a go fund me if you have to and an Amazon wish list. You be suprised ♥️♥️♥️♥️ sending you hugs and prayer and hope. Don’t give up

Avatar

As someone who experienced the exact same situation some years ago (I was 16 at the times), I can tell you it’s not easy. No matter what decision you make, there’s not easy path.

When I went through it, after crying for feeling I was the reason my family devastated for, I had a strange bleeding. I want to the ER and it was an ectopic pregnancy. I had to go through an abortion since my life was in risk already.

It was a very traumatic event for me. My family was never the same after that. And I Was never the same either.

I’m praying for you! No matter what you decide, don’t forget it’s YOU who gets to decide. You’re not alone! Believe me, there will be tons of ups and downs, but at the end EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!

Avatar

Sit them down and tell them. You are going have to make them listen to you.

I was older when I got pregnant with my first and had a lot going on in my life(moving out of my house, divorce, living paycheck to paycheck and still borrowing money, new job, new relationship). Everyone in my family was surprised when I told them but I sat down with them and told them how I was feeling and what I was going to do(have and keep my baby). It was up to them after that to step up and be there or not.

If it makes it easier sit down with them one at a time. No matter what it’s going to be a conversation that your parents weren’t prepared for.

Best of luck.

Avatar

Sending hugs 🤗 sorry I don’t have anything profound but wishing you lots of luck 🍀

Read more on Peanut

Trending

in our community

One and done… or not?

32ftm. I’m starting to feel so much pressure to have another baby soon as I wean from breastfeeding so they can be close in age and be friends, but I don’t feel ready for pregnancy and newborn trenches again 😭 my husband and I are all we’ve got. Having just one baby without a village has been really tough. Am I being unrealistic wanting another one soon?

Avatar

1

7

I'm so not meant to be a mother.

My kids won't listen to me get into stuff when they know they aren't supposed to. Telling me no all the time. Only listen to their dad. Laughs when I correct them. I spend most of my time yelling at them because they don't want to listen to me at all. My husband said that I shouldn't have kids. And I am believing him on it. I was never meant to be a mother now. I won't hurt my kids I just want to disappear and make everyone else's lives better without me.

Avatar

7

Baby #2??

I really want baby number 2 and am thinking of doing it via IUI as a solo mama!
Has anyone had any experiences with it 👀

Avatar

1

8

Tests

So I had a blood test at the drs bc I keep getting positive tests when the blood test was negative what could this mean? Hubby says the tests are negative and said he can’t see anything. Negative image down below.

Avatar

3

Am I pregnant?

I lightly spotted almost 5 days ago, which is not common for me before my period.
My period was supposed to come today. I should have tested in the morning but its 5:30pm.
Is there a second line??

Avatar

1

16

Anyone have this happen before?

We were not trying to conceive, used protection and had sex on week 2 of my cycle (accidentally on my peak ovulation day). Week 3 we had Flu A. Week 4 my period did not come (it’s very regular). I tested and it was negative (2 different brands).
What should have been week 2 of my next cycle (now 6 weeks post last period), I had light red/ pink spotting for one day when I wiped. The following week, I tested again, still negative, but this time almost all the dye was in the negative space, which I’ve never seen happen before. The area where it shows one horizontal line for negative and a plus sign for positive, the horizontal line was super faded at the 3 minute mark, and the negative vertical line in the next window was VERY dark. Now I’m on week 8 of all this, period did not show up yesterday. Nothing in my life has changed (no additional stress, no other illness, no changes in diet or exercise, etc).

Has anyone gone through this and NOT been pregnant? I’m super nervous as we thought we were done having kids.

PS. I know I should go get a blood test, does anyone know if urgent care will do that? I’m past being convinced by a pee test.

Avatar

8

Read more on Peanut