Please don’t judge me. Just advise me please. EDIT: UK

I’m not sure his employer would even pay the money to someone else’s account anyway!

I feel like this is a big responsibility on you, and as much as you want to help him this is a really big ask. If you don’t feel comfortable doing it, then don’t is my opinion. Could he not ask a family member if he’s that desperate?x

Have him open an account at a credit union and just give you the log in info/card so he doesn’t access it but also it’s not in your name

Can he ask for just a paper pay stub instead ?

I personally wouldn’t only because he’s gonna be asking you to get him what he needs every week, you’ve already got a baby and your own bills/life to sort. And if he does go bad on the drugs again, he’s gonna be constantly asking you for money, doing what he can to guilt you into giving it him. I know from experience. If you do decide you want to help him, I don’t blame you, as you said you still love him. I’d speak to citizens advice about how it would affect your benefits and if you’re even allowed to do this. You shouldn’t be the one to get into trouble and have your benefits cut

Can he not leave his bank card with you instead? That way he still has to come to you for access rather than him having open access to it? My step dad used to work away all week. Home for weekends. He would take any money and meals he needed and mum used the card x

Ask him to open up a chime or like a venmo account that you can manage from the app..venmo gives him a card like a normal bank would. You can keep the card/app and mange it for him. I think you can lock the card?

Or just open a new joint account and keep both cards in your possession. That way you don’t have to report it and loose your benefits as it’s only his wages going into the account. I think it’s amazing that you’re trying to support him, as addiction is an illness. I’ve learned that with my brother and although it’s tough o commend you for doing what’s best for you in having him move out but still trying to support him through his illness🤍you’re amazing!!💛

he’s done it many many years before with me. This was before we had kids x

it really is. Especially for our sons like I feel like weight has been put on my shoulder. I asked him to ask him mum but they are getting along.

sorry I should have put thank I’m from England. I’m not sure if that’s a thing over here? X
Thank you though.

apologises. I should have put that in from England. I’m not sure what that is x.

A credit union is just a bank!

Hey, i work in a bank so might be able to help a little! You can apply for TPA on his accounts which is third party authority. He would have to be present in the bank with you(some banks you can do it on the app) but it would then give you access to accounts without being the account holder. This is a better way to do it then to just take his card etc. I’ve seen too many horror stories where partners/ex partners have claimed scams or fraud when they’ve given their cards to other people.
Also don’t log onto his online banking as him. If anything genuinely was wrong with his account, the bank is less likely to believe him if the t&cs of his account have been breached.
You can also request for cards to be stopped etc and put limits on spending or atm withdrawals. X

I have done this before with him and was strict and it helped but this was before we had kids. When I was working full time and was living in a studio. Now I just feel like it’s too much and I really don’t want to get into shit because of this. Idk I wish he didn’t ask. Idk what to tell him with out being heartless. X

Don't do it, it'll fuck any benefits you get up and you don't get much. He can leave his bank card with you and still have it paid it into his own account unless he wants it paid elsewhere for another reason? And don't feel guilty for anything

online banking 😩

I think I’m just going to tell him I can’t. Because it’s will mess with my benefits and don’t want to get in trouble. I’ll support him in other ways but just not that.
I feel bad because I know he wants help. He’s even self referred himself to self iapt but they only ever have appointments during work hours and he’s a scaffolder

Yes I wouldn't . Uc will see it as your earnings especially if they asl to look at your bank statements. I know your trying to help him and he sounds like he is a decent person. But the truth is he needs to help himself. He needs to learn to manage his money himself. You can't hold his hand. He needs to do better for himself and his kids.

Thank you ladies I definitely won’t be doing this at all. It’s also the responsibility of it on top of everything else.

I know this isn’t UC related but do they help those who have addiction problems? I mean with like the addiction not money.

He needs to contact his gp. They will help him. There is also charity's etc that could help. There is help for people who want it. Sadly some people don't want it. Being clean will be the best thing hes ever done. Especially for his children x

I have no advice but you are a stand up human for trying to help him and seeing the best in him. I can't imagine how hard it must be for addicts and the fact that people with addictions are all stereotyped ☹️
Look after yourself and your kids first and foremost but well done for supporting him too ❤️

Why don’t you make him a new bank account in his name but you hold the card and pin

He can have a bank account on his name but set up to transfer you the money on his payment day.
That way it won’t appear as your income, and you can hold some money for him if you’re keen?

Why don’t you get him to open a new bank account and use that for his wages. You can transfer some direct debits for him to come out of for work and then maybe set up a monzo for him with just money for food on it that you can do as a direct debit each day or week like £30? Then he only has access to £30 a week and you keep the main card ☺️ I don’t think that would be unmanageable for you and it shouldn’t affect your UC as it’s all in his name x

Talking from experience… don’t do it!!
A family member used to have their money paid to my account whilst on drugs, it was constant at my door asking for money, coming when they were on a come down and kicking off if I couldn’t get the money straight away, getting my face, trying to push me down the stairs etc etc etc
Just because the money is in your account, doesn’t mean he will stop doing drugs. He will just find other ways to pay for it.
He needs help and rehab xxx

he wants to go but there is a very long list (for people who can’t pay) He’s not a priority and he’s trying to do therapy but they only call him during work hours. They don’t offer hours outside of work. They assume everyone that has addiction is not working etc. he doesn’t have any who can help pay for rehab. The only thing he can do is attend na which he’s been trying.

I’m not doing the money thing. I spoke to him and he understood.
I do feel sorry for him because he is trying. Another thing that doesn’t help is that I’m the only one that knows and understands that it is a mental health issue. He’s not had an easy childhood.

Like if you all met him he’s actually a proper gentleman, he’s funny and he’s a good father, he looks well and takes care of himself. He’s physically strong and has muscles and works out as well. I’m just trying to paint a picture of the type of pets he is.

Like before I knew he was doing drugs I didn’t know and had no clue.

Like I just thought he might be bi polar.

Maybe that was me being naive because I never been around anyone that did drugs. I never used to drink alcohol either.

I’m ngl if I had know before dating and falling in love with him I probably most likely would not have gotten with him.

I wish men’s mental health was taken more seriously 😭😩