Rich family member not helping- wrong or right?

I have an extremely rich auntie, and I am happy for her success, and don't get me wrong I don't think she owes me any of her hard earned money but, she is a literal millionaire.

For context I had an extremely rough up bringing, but did relatively well at school and turned out a pretty alright adult considering my upbringing. I've tried my hardest to work and earn money for myself, I'm even attempting to start a business. However, I'm now a single mum and with the cost of living crisis things are extremely hard. I barely keep my head afloat each month and the last time I managed to scrape together a holiday was 6 years ago.

I haven't asked her for money, but she Is aware of how hard things are. I'm a little annoyed I'm the sense of if I was a millionaire, I'd want to help my family out? Am I wrong for feeling a little bit hurt my this? I know she owes me nothing, but she could really help me out and not even notice the money gone from her account, and I'd even want to pay it back to her, but not even an offer of a loan. My mum and dad both died when I was 25, i recieved very little inheritance so much so that it covered 2 months rent. So there's literally no one else in the family who could help me.

I know this will come off as entitled, but I'm so tired of the wealthy being so greedy to the point they don't even help their own when we are struggling to feed families. Maybe not all but definitely in my case. Guess I'm just looking for thoughts?

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Personally I feel you. I agree that she owes you nothing but it’s tough to have family members that are super successful and just sit back and watch you struggle. My parents (dad & step mom) are very well off and don’t help me but thankfully my mom helps me here and there and I couldn’t be more grateful to her. She understands how hard it is as a single mom because she was one. So I definitely can see why you’re feeling the way you are, it’s an unfortunate situation but that’s how a lot of wealthy or well off people are I’ve learned.

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Have you asked her for money?

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Are you close with her? How often do you spend time with her?

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no because I feel like it's awkward, I'd rather she just offered knowing my situation

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she lives overseas so comes back once/twice a year, but we always meet up when she Is back. We're not super close because of this but I'm her only niece. I guess I'm annoyed at the lack of effort her end too, I get so jealous seeing people super close with their aunties and mine barely bothers, never replies to my messages either. Guess I'm just having an annoyed evening about things because of how much I'm struggling currently (like everyone else) lol

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Yeah, if you’re not that close then I don’t think it’s surprising that she’s not helping you out. It’s a shame that she’s not interested in being closer (not just for financial reasons but because it sounds like you could do with the support). But you can only work with what you have. If she isn’t replying to your messages I’d stop bothering, to be honest, and work on other friendships where you get something back.

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I'm not expecting her to fund my life for me, nor have I asked. I'm just asking the question of If you were rich, would you help out your family in hard times?

I have studied, I have a degree, I've started a business, I work, at the same time as being a single mum. The economy is awful and I know we are all drowning. I'm not saying I want her to give me a million, I'm just saying maybe she could lend me a small amount to like e.g half my rent for one month. Just to make things a bit easier. That's all. And I would pay it back.

If I was a millionaire I would help my family out. Would you not?

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yeah I think I need to come to terms with that tbh

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If you are not close and you have not asked her, how could she help you? She cannot read your mind. If you need a loan, all you need to do is ask. The worst thing she could do is say no. It is not like you will lose anything rather than being a bit more distant.

You really cannot apply what you would do to expect her to do the same. Like you admitted, you are not even close.

She probably has worked hard all her life to become a millionaire and like someone say, millionaires don't make money overnight.

I have an uncle who was very rich (we don't know how rich he was really, but he invested in stocks and stuff). He passed away suddenly and obviously all his money went to his wife and my cousins. Am I a little jealous sometimes that my cousins had a better start in life than me (studied abroad in the US) and taught by their father to invest early in life. Of course I am. But it was his money to do what he wanted. My family is extremely close.

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I would just ask her. She probably knows you’re struggling but maybe doesn’t want to offend you by offering? You might also find she’s not as rich as what you think. She’s maybe asset rich but cash poor. I also find that people with loads of money are usually the stingiest. Xx

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Have you asked for help? Maybe she thinks you'll be offended if she offers to help you out

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Also … I don’t think you’re being entitled. I think your thoughts are justified because it’s only natural to feel this way. If you ask her and she says no then I think that’s just miserable to be honest. I’m not rich but we’re classed as high earners and I would always help my family because family is all you have. Money is just money and she can’t take it with her so if she says no just let her be alone with her money. As they saying goes “there’s no pockets on a shroud”. Family first in my opinion x

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This comes off as entitled to me. You’re not close with her, she doesn’t owe you anything. Meeting up with someone once or twice a year is barely family treatment at that point. Even if you guys were close, she worked hard for what she has, why should she have to give it away? And why do you get to choose who she gives it away to?

You ask if I was a millionaire would I help my family out, the answer is it depends. Would I help my brother/sister who I talk and see weekly? Yea, if they asked for help. Would I offer them money without them asking for it? No. Would I help out some random family member I see every few years? Probably not. I don’t need people coming out of the woodwork asking for money all the time. I’d be more likely to help out a close friend then some extended family member I rarely talk to.

I understand you are struggling with being a single mom and paying for things, but that doesn’t mean people should just be handing you things.

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i see where she is cominh from. Jealousy is a feeling very natural to humans and we cannot help it.

OP, I would also like to add that financially struggle isn't something visible that people can see clearly, not like struggling to lift a heavy object. Please do ask for her help if you want it, but it is unreasonable to expect her to help you without asking. For all she knows, you are having everything in control.

My husband's parents are quite well off as well. We don't know how well off they are as they live a frugal life. They own a few properties in the UK though. We never expect them to help us. Nor do my husband's siblings. They have worked hard all their life for it.

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I’m in the same situation as you. My grandad is extremely wealthy, he’s owns 2 houses and is never in country because he’s always travelling.
I’m struggling so much with a 2 year old and another on the way, still living at my mums which is so cramped, soon as baby number 2 comes we’ve got to go and rent.
I also don’t expect anything from him and he doesn’t owe me anything but he could take a little bit of stress away by helping us out but it’s to awkward to ask.
Next week he’s going to Japan for 5 weeks and I’m sat at home with absolutely nothing.

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I totally agree with you! I’d help my family out the second I became wealthy. No questions asked and I wouldn’t let anyone say no.

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You’re entitled to feel the way you feel, so your feelings are valid. That being said, no one owes you anything. She is not responsible for your situation and you guys are not even close based on what you said. She may not even be cash rich. I have family who are considered well off but their money are tied up in investments and real estate. You can certainly talk to her but it may be awkward. You may want to look at ways to improve your situation long term. Sorry to be blunt. If I was a millionaire, I would help people that I’m extremely close with to an extent, but I’m not going to be handing out money left and right. That’s how people go broke.

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I never said she was an asshole. If I had a brother who died, and the mother of my neice also died I'd want to look out for them, not even in a financial way. She is all I have left family wise, and she's aware of my current struggles. I have never asked her for money because I know I am not entitled to it, but would be nice if she sat back and thought 'I could really make my neices life a bit easier this month and let her breathe'. But she doesn't. So yeah I guess I am jealous, and more wondering why this might be, I guess because I have no one else, had a horrible upbringing, it would be nice to feel cared about by a member of my own family for once and supported.

I actually asked for mentoring/advice from her, which she was reluctant to do. So I just don't get it? So yeah it's hard not to feel this way when the only family you have left won't help in any sense.

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You are RIGHT! Wtf is the point in earning loads of money if not at least to take care of your own family. Esp when they lost their own parents. Majority of the time being rich is just pure luck they don’t deserve their money any more than anybody else does

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I don’t think it matters whether you guys are close or whether you’ve asked her. She should be checking on you and helping if she is in the position to do so. Don’t listen to some of the people on these comments please they’re brainwashed

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I agree. Its like celebrities who ask normal people to donate money to charities. And then it's the 'but THEY shouldn't have to fix everyone's problems'. No, they shouldn't, but they have the means and wealth to help make such a huge difference and be completely unscathed at the end. for them it's like £10 out of their billions

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harsh and unnecessary comment

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Sounds more like jealousy than annoyance. She’s owes u nothing ur not even close. Wouldn’t expect someone to give me their hard earned money. It’s easy to think she wouldn’t even notice it gone from her account but I’m pretty sure millionaires don’t actually hold millions in their everyday account. Ur life decisions I.e having a baby not being able to work has nothing to do with ur aunt. A loan yes you can ask for but just to say can I have some of your money is a ridiculous idea doesn’t matter how rich someone is. Just work hard for ur own money. A holiday is a luxury if u can’t afford it then it’s not something that should be part of ur lifestyle. Plenty of people around the world don’t go on holiday.

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I don’t think there’s any wrong or right here. I think if you strip away the money and the specifics, you’re asking if it’s ok to want to be looked after by someone. It sounds like there’s no one looking out for you, and perhaps there hasn’t been for a really long time. It’s OK to want that, and you are deserving of that. Life is really hard right now, and it would be nice to know someone’s on your team - you’re not entitled for wanting that.

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I think you're being unreasonable in the sense that you didn't ask. Maybe your aunt doesn't want to offer money if you don't ask first in case you get offended.

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I am working? I am trying to build a business to make a better life for myself and my little one. I have a degree. When my little one is at nursery I am working. I have no other childcare. I get no free time. & I still can't keep up with how the economy is currently. It is a nightmare as we all know.

I'm trying my best and I'm still drowning. I am doing all this and still stressing that i might be homeless bc of how the economy is. Im not sat on my arse expecting whoever is better off than me to fund my lifestyle while i dont even try. I am trying. Some people are lucky, and have the means to help and won't. Its not like im a stranger? I just think that if its family, why wouldn't you WANT to help. I feel entitled to support yes, a nice gesture, something to say 'hey I actually care about you'.

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allow myself??? I'm not unemployed! Yeah i had a rough childhood- but i still work when I get ANY free time. I only have nursery for childcare. I studied and got a degree. I am doing my best, still working and having a bachelors degree I should be in a better position right now, but for some reason it's just not happening.

I asked her for financial advice- she gave me no financial advice, which I agree would have been way more valuable than just giving me money.

If you have any tips feel free to share because I'm doing everything I can and still not in a good position. So how did you do so well?

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Based on what you are saying about her, it seems like you guys are quite distant. If she won’t even give you financial advice, there may be more to this than we are aware of. Even if I would not give someone money, if they asked me for financial advice, I would give it to them in hopes that they could improve their situation. Is there bad blood between you guys? Have you guys had issues in the past?

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no, no bad blood at all that i can think of. I've constantly dropped everything to go see her when she's spontaneously decided to come over, when I was at uni I'd even travel for 2 hours to go see her when she was back, she never visited me. Yeah she kinda just brushed it under the carpet like 'o well I bought a warehouse and just went from there'. Even though I specifically asked 'how can I make my money grow and do better'. Got the impression it was in poor taste that I did ask. That's why I'm reluctant to flat out ask to borrow money tbh. Maybe she just doesn't like me that much for whatever reason 🤷

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Sounds like she's got your number.

She knows if she gave you financial advice you'd probably blame her and tell her she owes you when it goes *its up.

You are homing in on this one family member on the assumption (unless you have access to her bank statements/will/asset info) that she's a millionaire? You're not even that close?

Aren't other/closer family members also doing "ok" for themselves... do you feel the same about them?

Do you have any friends in nice houses with good jobs... do they owe you too?

I agree with other posters... what you are saying is really contradictory. She's not to blame for your life/circumstances and doesn't owe you anything.

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Sounds like you're extremely entitled and you're the greedy one. 😂 sorry but not sorry. You sound like one of those people who find out one of their family members won the lottery and is mad they won't share.

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I can understand where your feelings are coming from. Kinda curious to how your Aunt's relationship was with her sibling. Maybe it was strained and unfortunately that feeling pasted down to you. Is kinda strange but everyone is different and a right to-do with their money and if they choose to grow relationships.

Plus like others say she maybe more asset rich and not really cash rich.
And she may think that you are doing well with what you have and may think by offering help to you, you may be offended by it.

But if i had a lot of money, it would depend on my relationship if I were to help. But I am a giver and naturally like helping so more than lilely i probably will help.
Lol, i once helped out a girl who bullied me in school 😅

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Honestly, if you need help reach out and ask. If she says no then leave it alone but I don’t think you have a right to feel a way about her not helping if you’ve never asked for help.

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@Keylyn I have a high IQ and a masters degree but I got an illness that made me disabled and I lost everything. This can happen to anyone but particulatly those who haven't come from money and have no safety net as a result and haven't got a way to earn passively set up thats possible when going through severe illness etc. High IQ doesn't guarantee anything especially if you don't have the safety net of a wealthy family or any mentors in sight. I'd love to work with a mentor to help myself but genuinely don't know a single one and the people I've seen online have been scammers. OP sounds like from UK so no need to worry about her taking your US dollars.

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I sympathised with you at the beginning, but after all your responses, I no longer. You, as you said, are entitled. And entitled is not even the right word to be used in your situation. Noone is entitled to anyone's money but their own. Those billionaires like Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates have said their children won't get any inheritance from them. Again it is their hard earned money to use as they please. They don't owe their children anything. Millionaires and billionaires don't owe you or me or anyone anything. It is ok to feel jealous, but to think that they should share their wealth is very selfish. The world is never going to be fair. Distribution of wealth evenly is never going to happen. So might as well just go on with your own life.

I would say the relationship is estranged from both sides, so if you need a mentor, might as well look elsewhere. I am sure there are many programmes in the UK to help you start a business.

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lol ok. I help my family out now without being super rich and vice versa. It’s not that deep at all. If you have compassion for your family then you’d help someone in need, period.

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my other close families members are dead. Did you even read prev comments? And yes, I have friends who are well off but wouldn't dream of them giving me money. Your missing my point completely. Would you help a family member out if you knew they were struggling? & yes, she is a millionaire she has 3 houses and just bought another one in London. Of which is her 'summer' home she's barely even going to live there. So when you can't keep your head afloat and your only family member I'd buying another house just because, it's a little hard not to feel this way.

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yeah and disagree that mark Zuckerberg won't help their own family. They have the means to do so and should want to. Why have kids, watch them struggle and not help? I'd give anything to my daughter. I get not just giving them money on a llaye constantly because then theyll never figure it out on their own, but in times of need then thats different. hope you have the decency to help yours if they need it one day.

Side note I totally get I'm not her daughter, and I have never asked her. It's more just being in a bad situation and wondering why she wouldn't WANT to help. If I was that entitled I'd of asked her cash already but I haven't.

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So why would you dream of your aunt giving you money then? 🤷‍♀️

You need professional help. Why would she give you any money when what your saying is so bitter, resentful and jealous?

And no I wouldn't in every instance... life is sometimes tough, sometimes people need to learn life lessons and get tougher and stronger and improve for themselves... not rely on hands out they "think" they deserve.

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You are missing my point completely sorry. As a daughter, I don't expect anything from my parents. They gave me a life, they put me through school to be able to find a career of my own and that is the end of their responsibilities as parents to their children. They cannot keep holding our hands. If they want to spend their money travelling in their old age, so be it. Again it is their money.

As parents, we obviously all want the best thing for our children. I would leave my daughter something and she already has ISA account under her name for when she turns 18. I was put through school by my parents I would want to at least do thr same for her. So I don't need a lecture from you how to be parents.

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I mean that is the bare minimum of what your parents should do. Atleast they helped you by paying for uni I'm guessing? & why shouldn't they want to support you in times of need? They're your parents... of course I disagree with giving money at any request because that Is bratty and yeah I agree you won't learn or grow on your own.

So you're telling me that if you were struggling, worried about not being able to pay rent, feeding your kids, despite working yourself into the ground whenever you could and even attempting to better your life on your own - and with the way the economy is at the moment STILL struggling- having a family member who has more money then they will ever need aware of this and they didn't offer to help you in any sense- you're telling me you wouldn't feel a little bit hurt at this? If you say no you wouldn't then I'm sorry but I think you're lying. It's human nature to feel emotions like this in a situation like this. If I was managing ok this post wouldn't be here.

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why are you being so rude about it?

I haven't demanded money. I'm questioning WHY someone wouldn't want to help in horrendous times. It's not like I'm not trying. You clearly haven't struggled a day in your life if you don't get where I'm coming from.

In hard times it's hard not to feel like this towards family when could easily help you. It's not like I'm a complete stranger.

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To answer your question - no, I would not help a family member that I only see two times a year (at most) that lives in a different country than me. Especially one that has a degree and clearly has the means to make more for themselves on their own, even if it’s harder for them than most people. I also wouldn’t help a family member that I leave on read frequently. And I would never sit back and randomly think - “this person is so broke I’m going to offer them my money” It would be wrong to view another person as a charity case, and I’m sure many people would get offended by such a handout from someone they hardly know.

I will say this, the way you speak on your situation would deter me from helping you. When you become wealthy, people with less than you look at you way differently. For example, you brought up how she has three houses and you’re struggling - why would she want to help you when you deem what she’s doing to be wrong?

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My parents live in a different country too and I want to revert back to what I said. When you look at someone, it isn't visible or obvious whether they are struggling financially or not. There are no physically signs at all, unless obviously you are homeless. Especially someone who live in another country and you see them only twice a year. All you need to do is ask for help. And if she blatantly says no, you know where you both stand and you can just forget about her.

My parents would definitely help IF I ASK. I speak to them weekly and again, through the tiny screen of thr phone, they wouldn't know what was happening to me (I hid my pregnancy from them for 6 months just because I don't want to worry them. I had covid and they didn't know).

I am not going to argue about the fact I don't think your aunt has any responsibilities to just help you out as you are family. Extended family is family, but sometimes extended family aren't that close. In your situation, that might be the case.

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I never said that was wrong of her to buy three houses?

And we are not complete strangers. She's known me from when I was a born. I used to go round her house frequently when I was younger. She then moved and of course I wouldn't be able to see her as much, but we're not strangers, she knows about everything ive been through and everything im trying to do, because i have been trying to get that auntie-neice relationship thst others have. I have never spoken to her about this of course, because I do get how it is coming across. & yeah thats a good point about not wanting someone to feel like a charity case...

I guess I just need to keep trying and try to get over these feelings.

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And I answered... (I'm not) sorry if it's not what you want to hear.

You are forgetting there is more to life and money doesn't always buy happiness. I would really try to get over this and move on from it. Clutching at straws thinking she might throw you a few thousand (if your lucky) is just holding you back.

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@incognito you didn’t have to say that it was wrong. You brought it up about the houses and that was enough to make someone with money take a step back. You asked for a certain point of view and that’s what I’m providing you with. I own a lot of properties and whenever someone mentions what I own in the same context you did about what she owns, I do a double take on that person. Like I said, people look at you differently when you have more than them. You might not mean anything by why you say when you bring up what she has, but it will always be received by her (or others in higher financial positions) as negative.

What she knows about you hasn’t changing the fact that you and her aren’t very close unfortunately. I can completely understand wanting to be closer to her though, especially given the fact that she’s one of the only family members you have. Maybe keep trying on that end!

I agree, it’s important to try and get to a place where you feel better about your situation.

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why do you think I'm wanting thousands? 😂 this isn't it at all. If anything she could offer to loan me half my rent, just gives me breathing room for a month without worrying about insane interests rates on repayments. I just want to see that she cares. She could offer to watch my little one so I could work more whilst she's here - she's not a stranger at the end of the day. She could actually give me financial advise instead of ignoring my question like she did. Any type of help, but she doesn't. I guess I'm more resentful about that in a nutshell. I don't feel like anyone cares about me, would just be nice to be shown some kindness y'know.

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All in all, I’m willing to offer my help from a business standpoint. I’m not sure what industry you’re in, but I’ve consulted for a couple of companies in the past. I can appreciate that you’re pounding the pavement day in and day out trying to grow something from the ground up! That’s admirable and one day you probably will find yourself in a position you never expected to be in!

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So as long as it's a few hundred not thousand makes it OK? 🙄🤦‍♀️
Jeez.

No wonder she's keeping you at arms length she already knows when the time arrives, you'll pull up a seat next to her death bed and get a pen out 🖊 😂

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