MIL issues

No you're not wrong for being upset just tell her no and that you're planning it already. She can help you with what you need but you're throwing her party. Set that boundary so she knows. I was having the same issue with my mil.

I was having sorta the same issue about a month ago concerning my baby’s first birthday. You’re definitely not wrong for being upset about that. I would be too.

I always feel so powerless when it comes to her I always tell my boyfriend that he should be on my side and tell his mother to respect that but I feel like she treats my daughter as if she is hers and I feel like he doesn’t care like I can never win ya know?

No you are not wrong for being upset. You're man definitely needs to be the one talking to your MIL and setting these boundaries. Have a conversation with him when you're not upset and explain calmly how it makes you feel and why you need him to be the one to talk to her about these kinds of things. Shouldn't always fall on you.

With all of that said ...I know she is being annoying but she just loves your little one so much and is excited to do something special for her. Too much love and attention for your daughter - Its a good problem to have.

My MIL passed away when my son was 5m old and my mom lives 2k miles away so we don't see her often. I would give anything to have grandparents nearby that wanted to be involved. The more people that love and care for your little one the happier and more stable they will feel.

If it were me I would have my husband tell her that you will be throwing the party but that she is welcome to contribute by doing x, y z (whatever tasks you want help with)

Why can't y'all meet in the middle and plan it together?

I know exactly what you mean my husband is the same. He doesn't take my side. In fact he starts to blame me for things his mom does or feels. And guarantee she feels like your daughter is hers. I wouldn't say it's a bad thing until she starts crossing the line which she is by trying to take over a special day you've already planned out.

She can throw the party but don't go. When you find out the day just go somewhere else and have fun with your baby.

Unless it's the actual bday. Have your bday plan. Invite people who you want to invite. Let her waste her money.
You made it clear that you are planning something and if she ignores it. It's on her.
Let them be mad

I dont think you’re wrong at all. It’s her first birthday it’s a super special day. Grandma having her another one takes away from mama giving her one. I agree with others it’s wonderful to have someone love your child that much but I think that’s a boundary they shouldn’t cross. I’d ask her to help you with yours and have all the love piled into the one!

@diana` I feel like this is just messed up. Why would she do that and not just be up front about how she feels? It's a big deal for the parents! Baby won't even remember, so it's mainly for the parents, and they need to tell mil that. I don't see anything wrong with her giving ideas, helping out, etc, but mom makes final decisions. Mil should respect that, and if not, then her bf n her need to have a conversation with mil about boundaries.

Definitely not wrong to be upset. I would be fuming. It’s your daughters firsy bday and you have every right to organise/plan what ever you want. Like sure they can do something extra afterwards if they like but the bday should be whatever you want to do. Sounds like they can’t don’t do boundaries but keep firm about out and have a chat with your other half about getting onside and backing you up.

I just wouldn’t take your baby!

Well I’m not sure if this is different (because it’s my mom) but she is planning my sons 1st birthday too. My first born and only child but I don’t have a problem with it. I can’t really afford to throw one too big in the first place so I don’t know if that’s another reason I don’t mind, also my mom is a terrific party planner and she always goes ALL OUT! It’s her passion. I think us as parents have a lot of firsts with our babies, we have all the say when it comes to everything. So I do think that grandparents should get to have the honor to do things like that for their grandchildren. To me, I just see a grandma who deeply cares for and loves her grand baby and wants to celebrate them.