Crying nonstop at daycare

Hi moms, we had to make the difficult decision send our newly 8 month old to daycare. She's been there for 2 weeks and still crying all day, not sleeping more than 30 min naps twice while there and barely eating. The teachers in the infant classroom say as long as she's held she doesn't cry but she's crying all the times she's not held.

I feel so guilty and like a bad mom. I feel like I should rethink my career and work part time or something.

I don't want my baby to think I just abandon her every day. And of course I got some Instagram content targeted to me about research that says kids that go to daycare have issues later with emotional regulation and attachment.

Do any of you think there's validity to this type of notion that daycare and this crying will damage the child?

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I think you have to make the best choice for your family and only you know what that is. If your career is important to you or if you really need the income, that matters as factors in your decision making.

Alternatively there’s always options like a nanny or a nanny share which tends to be cheaper for the families. It would allow your child to bond really closely with the carer, have a friend and be in a less overstimulating environment than daycare might be.

If your child is distressed for hours a day I would imagine that will have an impact on her. I’m not a professional in this area, but makes sense to me the distress will have an impact on emotional regulation and attachment. I agree if your career is really important or you need the money look at other options like a nanny share. Personally it was easy to give up working. My mindset is why have a baby if I’m going to leave them all day with someone else? Someone at a daycare isn’t going to give my child the attention and love during the day that I do and those people are spending more time with your child than you are. That just didn’t sit right with me, that’s my opinion take it or leave it. Raising my child is way more important to me than a career. Decide what’s best for you and your family.

Just this morning I witnessed something like this at the daycare where my son goes. There is a new baby (7 months old) in his classroom, and she cries inconsolable all the time. There is no difference to the crying wether she is being held or not. The teachers said this is separation anxiety which is at peak from 6-9 months. They told me she will eventually adapt. I started my son at the daycare at 4 months. It was hard at the beginning but now he loves it. He smiles and shows signs of excitement every morning when we arrive at this daycare

@Andiara Is this the wrong time to do it then you think in the 6-9 month window where she is extra sensitive it feels like I'm adding insult to injury 😢

Thanks girl @Arianna when did you start? Did your baby seem distressed?

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worried about a family members baby

So this child is three months old and she isn’t being fed from 10pm till 6/7 am idk if this is normal or safe and it’s been like this since 2 months i believe as she won’t wake her for feeds she goes to the pub drinking most nights with her baby and her baby has already been in hospital with a very low temperature bc she was outside but as soon as she was in a warm car she warmed up and doctors said she was fine she lets cats play with her bouncers toys that go over her and doesn’t strap her in she is cold from what i’ve heard from other family members and they’ve tried to warm her hands and she’s wet herself at my parents and she hasn’t had a spare vest to put on her and i offered her a blanket as she didn’t have one and she declined and she won’t listen to anyone about it she’s already left the baby with my parents for the night to go out drinking and personally i couldn’t leave my three month old because my parents said she just cried and im really unsure whether to report her or not and her house smells of dog wee/poo as she’s never home to look after them and that’s not safe for the baby i understand being lonely but she doesn’t need to go to the pub every night her friends could
go
to hers or her she could go to a cafe that has closed doors not sat outside a cold pub and it’s a bit of a rough pub in my opinion

my parents are concerned btw but they say i shouldn’t report her as it’s not fair but i feel how the baby is treated isn’t fair

Does anyone else hate their partner?

I’m now a little over 2 months postpartum and I’ve struggled with genuinely just not liking my partner anymore since we found out I was pregnant last year. I catch myself just staring at him with hatred because I’m so sick and tired of his bullshit. He is just now getting a job and has not had one since THANKSGIVING!!! Meanwhile I was working full time until I finally got too sick to be able to work. I genuinely want him out of my house but I depend on him as far as driving goes bc I don’t have a car. I also still love him deep down and don’t want to put him out on the street but he’s driving me genuinely insane. Any advice?

Heartbreak

After years of trying, months of back and fourth on the fate of our marriage, indecision, fights. The whole enchilada my husband and I are separating, divorcing. Whatever. I'm so goddamn heart broken. I feel like it's a death and I'm in mourning. We have a 3 year old son and currently and for the foreseeable we are going to coparent and live together. This makes things harder because neither one of us can really move on but it's how it is. He understands and he's trying to heal too. But I can't understand why now that things are over he can be kind. He's been more amazing in the last week since I ended things than ever. Why couldn't he do that when we were together for years I begged for change, we saw a counselor I tried everything and he just wouldn't. Now he seems to turn a switch and be able to just do it all. But it's too late. My heart aches. My body aches. Love sucks.

Help!!!

Am I wrong if I secide to stop doing baths etc for my little ones. We have a 3 and 1 year old. I do all the baths wake up in ams cooking etc. I dont want them to be dirty but it's like I need a break and Im tired of doing it all by myself. He will come up and help after they are out the tub every now and then and that pisses me off. Im taking care of 2 littles one by myself makes no sense. I asked him to give them baths tonight he said I worked all day what did you do...ive had the children all day. We went to church he didn't go. We all know how little ones are.. but what should I do bcus it feels like I'm going crazy

Partner works incredibly long hours, how much do they help out?

I'm struggling. Have been for a while. I've had one break from parenting my daughter, that was for 3 hours in December when I left her with her dad.

She's 14 months old and I'm just tired. I've done every night by myself. He's out of bed at 4am and doesn't get home until 7-9pm. He drives for work, very physically tiring.
On the weekends he was doing 6 days, one weekend day off, but now has both off.

He doesn't sit on the floor and play with her, he doesn't read to her because he says she doesn't have the patience.
He will pick her up and hold her whilst he's cooking.

Recently I've been "snappy" with him.
He got back from the mechanic last weekend, she was getting onto the sofa and he put his headphones on and started to watch Netflix on his phone.
The same day I told him I was going to run her bath and to watch her whilst she was still eating, he fell asleep on the sofa.

Today he went to football after going shopping, so was out 1-3 and then from 4-8.
He got back and I was snappy.

"I don't get why you're so snappy with me"

I said - Probably because I haven't had a break since December.

"Do you think I don't know you haven't had a break. I haven't had a break", "I just won't go to work, I'll sit at home all day".

Then "do you think I like not having a connection to my child"... But that's on him? He never sits to play with her. He "doesn't see the point". He's stated that this age is boring to him.

Since she's been born, he has been to a friend's once a month. Football - He stopped going for 7months, but has been the last two weekends.

Are these not breaks?

He does do the washing/washing up/cooking/vacuuming when I haven't had a chance to; but I'm the one in charge of feeding her, naps/bedtime, teeth brushing, hair brushing, baths, dressing her, making sure she has the right shoes, appointments etc. Everything falls on me.

If your partner works ridiculously long hours, how much do they look after your child? Do you ever get a break?

Am I wrong ?

My daughter’s 1st birthday was Thursday and nobody wished her a happy birthday from her dads family but his mom watched his story. Should I put my foot down and set boundaries for them to accept accountability or should I just let them stay on that side for as long as they want and not worry about it?