How do you help/guide dad in caring for baby

How do you deal with dad learning to take care of baby? I’m with baby all day so I’ve obviously learned his likes and dislikes as well as -we just bond all day. By the time my husband gets home from work it’s his witching hour. I can calm him pretty well. But by that time I do need a baby break /make dinner. My husband can nottttttttt relax the baby or even handle the crying. I’m alwasy sorry torn on what to do. I don’t want my husband to think I don’t trust him. And he has to learn how to care for our baby. But also. I (a) don’t wanna hear the baby crying and (b) I don’t want my baby to get sooo worked up!!!

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

It takes time for baby to bond with dad. Baby spent 10 months in your belly, so all baby knows is you. I struggle with the same thing with my husband. Communicate what you need help with. Have dad change diapers, play with baby. Things that would distract baby that you aren't near. Show dad what you've done to help calm baby, but it may not work with dad because he is not you. I know it's insanely difficult. It's the fourth trimester for a reason. You've got this mama 💙

If he's nervous or unsure your baby will sense that and won't calm down as easily. I usually let my partner try for 10-15 minutes and give suggestions for him to try and if my baby hasn't calmed down by then I'll take him back

I struggled with this too. I walked dad through how to properly do things with the baby while being within baby’s eyesight to keep him happy: baths, rocking to sleep, playing with baby’s favorite toys, respectfully pointing out when the baby is giving cues that he does not like something dad is doing, etc. I think the key part was that his dad and I had a conversation about it first so that he knew I was not critiquing him to be disrespectful or naggy but to help him and baby feel more comfortable with one another! It has helped! Baby loves playing with dad now and I can go shower or finish dinner more easily. I still point out things I notice like “He’s wriggling around because he doesn’t like how you’re holding him. Try this” and dad listens and fixes it.

Following caaaause this is the reason I argue with my husband at least 80% of the time.

I just tell my partner how to do things and what the baby likes and leave him. I don’t even lift a finger. If it’s a really hard night and I can’t listen to the baby I put earphones in because sometimes tough love helps dad learn.

I saw a post on either here or reddit that recommended communicating to your spouse that you need him to be more proactive rather then reactive when it comes to caring for the baby. I tried communicating this need to my husband and explaining to him what can be done to be proactive instead of just waiting for baby to ramp up or for me to burn out and get naggy and I've seen a night and day difference. Example: he knows babies witching hour is when he gets home, what things can he do to try and lessen/prevent the melt down or your burn out rather then responding to just the queues. I also agree fully with Rylie...trial and error is a great way to learn, and certain things my husband isn't going to retain unless he figures it out himself. Unless I see him doing something that he unknowingly can cause harm to the baby, I just let him go. The amount of times he has been peed on despite me trying to teach him tricks just cracks me up.

in our community

worried about a family members baby

So this child is three months old and she isn’t being fed from 10pm till 6/7 am idk if this is normal or safe and it’s been like this since 2 months i believe as she won’t wake her for feeds she goes to the pub drinking most nights with her baby and her baby has already been in hospital with a very low temperature bc she was outside but as soon as she was in a warm car she warmed up and doctors said she was fine she lets cats play with her bouncers toys that go over her and doesn’t strap her in she is cold from what i’ve heard from other family members and they’ve tried to warm her hands and she’s wet herself at my parents and she hasn’t had a spare vest to put on her and i offered her a blanket as she didn’t have one and she declined and she won’t listen to anyone about it she’s already left the baby with my parents for the night to go out drinking and personally i couldn’t leave my three month old because my parents said she just cried and im really unsure whether to report her or not and her house smells of dog wee/poo as she’s never home to look after them and that’s not safe for the baby i understand being lonely but she doesn’t need to go to the pub every night her friends could
go
to hers or her she could go to a cafe that has closed doors not sat outside a cold pub and it’s a bit of a rough pub in my opinion

my parents are concerned btw but they say i shouldn’t report her as it’s not fair but i feel how the baby is treated isn’t fair

Does anyone else hate their partner?

I’m now a little over 2 months postpartum and I’ve struggled with genuinely just not liking my partner anymore since we found out I was pregnant last year. I catch myself just staring at him with hatred because I’m so sick and tired of his bullshit. He is just now getting a job and has not had one since THANKSGIVING!!! Meanwhile I was working full time until I finally got too sick to be able to work. I genuinely want him out of my house but I depend on him as far as driving goes bc I don’t have a car. I also still love him deep down and don’t want to put him out on the street but he’s driving me genuinely insane. Any advice?

Heartbreak

After years of trying, months of back and fourth on the fate of our marriage, indecision, fights. The whole enchilada my husband and I are separating, divorcing. Whatever. I'm so goddamn heart broken. I feel like it's a death and I'm in mourning. We have a 3 year old son and currently and for the foreseeable we are going to coparent and live together. This makes things harder because neither one of us can really move on but it's how it is. He understands and he's trying to heal too. But I can't understand why now that things are over he can be kind. He's been more amazing in the last week since I ended things than ever. Why couldn't he do that when we were together for years I begged for change, we saw a counselor I tried everything and he just wouldn't. Now he seems to turn a switch and be able to just do it all. But it's too late. My heart aches. My body aches. Love sucks.

Help!!!

Am I wrong if I secide to stop doing baths etc for my little ones. We have a 3 and 1 year old. I do all the baths wake up in ams cooking etc. I dont want them to be dirty but it's like I need a break and Im tired of doing it all by myself. He will come up and help after they are out the tub every now and then and that pisses me off. Im taking care of 2 littles one by myself makes no sense. I asked him to give them baths tonight he said I worked all day what did you do...ive had the children all day. We went to church he didn't go. We all know how little ones are.. but what should I do bcus it feels like I'm going crazy

Partner works incredibly long hours, how much do they help out?

I'm struggling. Have been for a while. I've had one break from parenting my daughter, that was for 3 hours in December when I left her with her dad.

She's 14 months old and I'm just tired. I've done every night by myself. He's out of bed at 4am and doesn't get home until 7-9pm. He drives for work, very physically tiring.
On the weekends he was doing 6 days, one weekend day off, but now has both off.

He doesn't sit on the floor and play with her, he doesn't read to her because he says she doesn't have the patience.
He will pick her up and hold her whilst he's cooking.

Recently I've been "snappy" with him.
He got back from the mechanic last weekend, she was getting onto the sofa and he put his headphones on and started to watch Netflix on his phone.
The same day I told him I was going to run her bath and to watch her whilst she was still eating, he fell asleep on the sofa.

Today he went to football after going shopping, so was out 1-3 and then from 4-8.
He got back and I was snappy.

"I don't get why you're so snappy with me"

I said - Probably because I haven't had a break since December.

"Do you think I don't know you haven't had a break. I haven't had a break", "I just won't go to work, I'll sit at home all day".

Then "do you think I like not having a connection to my child"... But that's on him? He never sits to play with her. He "doesn't see the point". He's stated that this age is boring to him.

Since she's been born, he has been to a friend's once a month. Football - He stopped going for 7months, but has been the last two weekends.

Are these not breaks?

He does do the washing/washing up/cooking/vacuuming when I haven't had a chance to; but I'm the one in charge of feeding her, naps/bedtime, teeth brushing, hair brushing, baths, dressing her, making sure she has the right shoes, appointments etc. Everything falls on me.

If your partner works ridiculously long hours, how much do they look after your child? Do you ever get a break?

Am I wrong ?

My daughter’s 1st birthday was Thursday and nobody wished her a happy birthday from her dads family but his mom watched his story. Should I put my foot down and set boundaries for them to accept accountability or should I just let them stay on that side for as long as they want and not worry about it?