Resentment and guilt

I'm so torn here. My wife got pregnant in March, told me in April. We'd been trying for a year and I was just so happy! We found out her bestfriend's sister (also a very close friend of hers) was also pregnant! We were all so happy! But at our first ultrasound, we got the worst news we could get. The baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks. We were devastated.

Her friend is now 8 months, and her baby shower is Saturday. We just bought all her gifts and we're getting ready to go out of town to go, and I'm so emotional.

She said at the beginning of the pregnancy that she didn't even know if she wanted the baby and it hurt me so bad.

We tried so hard for ours, and wanted it from before we even had the positive test, but we lost ours and she got to go through this experience when she didn't even know if she wanted to be a mom.

I feel so much resentment, and then guilt for feeling that resentment. I've just been an emotional mess these last few days trying to get myself ready to support my wife during this baby shower. It's going to be so hard. Please, any words of encouragement to get us through this weekend would be really appreciated. Thank you.

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I get it. It's hard to see women going on in their journey and feeling left behind. It feels like everyone I know is pregnant right now and I had imagined going through these milestones with them but I was knocked off the path. I naturally cringe/recoil when I see pregnant women, wishing I was there too, and feeling jealous/resentful of the unfair, out of control circumstances that lead to miscarriage.
TTC after miscarriage is such a limbo place to be in. All of your feelings are valid and you don't need to feel guilty about them. It isn't fair.
What has helped me most is having faith that I will be on the other side of this limbo situation. And the timing will be right because it will be mine. There will be other friends that are pregnant at the same time, and there will be friends that will be pregnant after.

@Lexie thank you, it helped knowing other people understand how I feel. I feel like this is our month though, I'm getting so many signs.

Completely get this. My BEST friend got pregnant 3 weeks after me… my baby stopped growing at 8 weeks, 2 weeks ago… I’ve had sooo negative thoughts about it… thoughts and guilt. I think it’s more anger towards the universe and just the fact that it feels so unfair and that I’ll have this other baby as a permanent reminder. I’ve heard it from a few people. These feelings are your feelings and they’ll pass.. you’re not a bad person, you’re someone in an awful situation at the moment and all you can do is feel your feelings but be kind to the friend AND yourself. One day (hopefully soon) you’ll have a rainbow who makes you feel like this sucky journey was so worth it.
I also remind myself that everyone has some struggle they don’t speak of. This is mine. My best friend lost her father a couple years ago and is losing her mother soon and impending layoffs. I want her to have this win so badly once I remembered that. We all have different stories… different devastations

@Niki thank you. I didn't even think about how the baby will be a reminder. He's our nephew though, not by blood but by love, and I'll be there for him every step of the way. I just wish his cousin was going to be there too 😔

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