Stating the obvious and centre of attention

A bit of a long rant. Anyone else’s MIL state the obvious or always need to be the centre of attention/impose her way? Example #1: I’m carrying the baby monitor in my pocket or have it front of me as I’m eating and the LO starts crying…MIL then says ‘she’s crying’…EVERYTIME…no matter how much I tell her I know I have the monitor. Example #2: my parents come to visit or we FaceTime the LO’s aunts and uncles…the MIL always interrupts in person play or conversation people are having with the LO or talking over people on FaceTime. All in an effort to say the LO is looking at her or talking with her. At first I thought oh she’s excited to have a granddaughter but it’s not that…she’s inserting herself into any situation that our LO is getting attention in. She seems jealous. She lives with us so it’s not that she doesn’t get to see her much. My parents stopped visiting because they were beyond annoyed but I stepped in by saying my parents are combing to LO so let’s give them time together. That seemed to help and she’s now mindful of FaceTime convos as well BUT she makes a point to make an appearance and say ‘oh I’ll leave you to it’ after interrupting for a solid 5mins. So she’s still trying to get attention 🙄 Example #3: she tells the LO what the cultural title for relatives are. I’ve been clear that my husband and I are asking people what they want to called and that’s what LO will be coached to call them. At first I politely told her LO’s going to call Person A, insert title. She’d just smile and continue her choices so I got real firm about it and she finally got the message. Her choices were all so crude. Example #4: she’s always telling me to take LO to the doctor for normal baby behavior or actions. She thinks she drools too much or she’s got allergies because she scratches her nose or she needs honey after LO does a bout of her yelling squealing sounds or she gets sleepy fast when she’s really just bored cuz the MIL can’t physically do much playing with her and just sits her next to her on the couch to watch tv. I’ve shut down the nagging about the doctor visits but if she brings up something a few times, I’ll ask the doctor during LO’s monthly check up and caveat with ‘my MIL is the one asking’ and each concern is responded to with the same answer that I’ve already given her 🙄 I’ve shut down the talk of honey too. I know some folks are ok with it but we’ve decided to stick to what our doctor said and aren’t giving her any until she’s older. As for the being ‘sleepy’, I’ve just been blunt and tell her she needs more stimulation because she’s bored. Sorry that was a long read but I needed to get that off my chest and get if I’ve entertained anyone…bonus 🤪
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I'm curious about the honey. What's the deal there with her advice and your doctors?

Do you think she might be seeking some acknowledgement for her contributions? The reason I'm asking is because her behaviour (from #1 & #2) sounds really insecure. Like she seems to make a point of displaying her efforts to you and everyone around as though she needs to be validated for them, even by interrupting just to show her efforts to them "leave them to it". It's obviously distasteful and awkward, but also sounds quite sad... I'm not saying she should be constantly validated if that's her need, but I wonder if it might help to ask her if she feels appreciated, and to give her the chance to express anything that might be causing the insecure behaviour

@Beanz my LO isn’t a year old yet and our doctor said the risk of botulism and it reduces over time :) the MIL thinks in the old country babies aren given it almost as soon as they’re born which is fine if that’s what the parents want - we just want to play it safe.

Yeah I would definitely wait a year just because I don't see the benefit of giving it early.

@Beanz she maybe looking for acknowledgment but I don’t see for what in those cases. When she helps with watching the LO or offers to help with her laundry, we do thank her. She also starts to ‘not feel well’ whenever we’ve planned an outing with just the three of us. We’ve rescheduled at first but then we both noticed a pattern and no sooner did we say we’re staying, she’s suddenly better. I really do think she seeks attention and maybe it’s a part her specific aging process or something else related to how she processes change but it’s like having another little kid around sometimes :/

So if she is insecure then it's because she's actually putting herself into the role of a helpless burden. That's really annoying & has to be difficult to live with.

@Beanz it’s very difficult…I see it a lot more than my husband does because I’m home all the time being on mat leave. I think it’s just sad and weird how much she does this. I’ve pieced together that she was used to being THE woman in the family and being looked after. She doesn’t handle change well and when my sister in law and I married into the family, she acted out like a ‘woe is me’ or ‘overly involved’ person. Now with our daughter, she’s reacting in similar way. You’re right she’s very insecure and I believe she’s so used to reacting this way that it won’t change. Thanks so much for the chat…it feels nice to ‘talk’ it out :)

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