Bedtime for 5m is horrible?

Staying with him - tried it
Leaving him - tried it
Letting him cry, pick up, put down again- tried it
Singing - tried it
Rocking/bouncing - tried it
Fall asleep in sling - tried it, does work eventually but takes over 30 mins of moving around

When he finally does fall asleep he isn't being held, he's just in his bouncing chair (that doesn't actually bounce so it's just a chair for infants) so it isn't contact he needs.
Music - tried it
Several types of white noise- tried it
Lighter sleep clothes - he's gone from 2.5 tog to 1.5 tog and he is not cold.. a bit too hot still but only due to crying and in the night its perfect.

Thanks for taking time to read, I'm just really lost

Sounds really tough.

Have you tried tweaking the timings?

Eye rubbing and yawning are usually the last signs of tired/means they want to be asleep pretty much straight away (which may be why it works for naps) so if there is then a bedtime routine it may be that he's overtired by the time bedtime starts so struggles to switch off.

he does seem overtired- what else can I look out for? He usually gets a little whiny but he is also usually hungry around this time, should I try skipping the last bottle and let him wake for it if he is still hungry? 🤔 I genuinely don't mind getting up with him once or twice if he needs it

could be worth keeping an eye and if he starts eye rubbing etc at 8pm let's say work out how long the bedtime routine takes then start so it ends at 8pm.

The whiny could be the starting of tiredness.

What's the current routine? Naps etc.

he wakes between 8 and 9 after sleeping thru (having gone sleep 9-10ish)
He has a midday nap, a brief afternoon snooze and a longer nap around 4/5pm and then usually around 6-7 he gets a bit grumpy whilst we have dinner then I either read him a story or give him a bath, then bottle and bed.
Lately I've skipped the bath in favor of morning baths as they are just the most exciting thing ever and he gets really active and into it, it's never calmed him. He just laughs and coos and splashes.

Hi Heidi. I'm a baby sleep consultant and most of the 5 month old babies that I work with are actually ready for bedtime about 1.5-2hrs after their last nap of the day. So if he wakes from his last nap at 5pm he's probably ready for bed about 6:30. So those grumpy signs that you're seeing at dinner are probably sleep cues. I'd try to start your bedtime routine about half an hour before the time that you usually see him start to get a bit grumpy in the evening.

If its helpful, I have a free download on my website that talks about how much sleep the average baby needs over 24 hrs, so you can have a check about whether he might need a little bit more nap time too.

www.littlebunniessleepconsultant.com

and an update: I've started assuming it is bedtime anytime he slows down in the evening, usually around 6.30 but sometimes as early as 5. If he wakes up for nappy/bottle in the night thats OK, but he is going down every time I've done this. He seems to be finding his feet a little with his sleep and settling into it, our bedtime is now quiet soothing loving and happy 😊
In hindsight, I was definitely doing this wrong before 😅 we are currently waking at 6am when my partners alarm goes off and we all have breakfast together and start our day together and I much prefer this.
I'm also being more vigilant about naps in the daytime and he's had some longer naps too but that depends on the day.
Thanks both!

thank you for the update! I love when people do this. I'm so glad it's improved for you ☺️