I think Motherhood has made me more bitter than I realized…

This is such a ramble but I don’t know where else to put it all.

I’m four months in and I don’t really have hobbies right now. I don’t do anything for myself except maybe doomscrolling or listening to a podcast while I breastfeed my baby. I used to craft and have game nights with friends. Activities that usually are at least 2 hour stretches. Now if I have an hour free my mind immediately goes to baby, or doing something in the house for baby.

And I thought I didn’t mind. Like I knew postpartum could be very mentally consuming. But I think it’s altering how I view people around me and it’s prodding at my relationship with my husband.

He spends most of his time making food for us, looking after our dogs, playing with the baby, ect. But he still has time for his hobby. Spends maybe an hour a night on it. Even adapted to using a bot for shopping for his hobby after a certain incident where we had to have a heart to heart after he left me home alone with the baby for hours during a busy workday (I work from home) to shop for his hobby.

And yet there’s like this little green eyed monster in me that rages every time I know he’s running off to start up the bot. Even though I’m the reason he does it this way.

We took a family trip last weekend to see his best friend and their kids and let them meet the baby. He brought the laptop. He’s always brought a laptop on trips and it’s never been a problem to me before. But one night we both woke up while the baby was still asleep, and he wandered out of the room. I tried to fall back asleep but couldn’t. So I went to the kitchen to try having something warm to drink to settle me. And he was there at the table running the bot from his laptop. I flipped out at him. But there really wasn’t reason to. It’s not like I needed help with the baby and he was ignoring me. He wasn’t avoiding our friends. He was just awake and unable to sleep and found something to do with his time. Yet my snap reaction was “why the hell would you do this on a family trip?”

I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the less complete sleep from baby’s middle of the night feed? My brain being just consumed by baby? Maybe I’m not as over that shopping incident as I thought? But I’m just so annoyed at his hobby right now. The green eyed monster thinks “you could be using that time differently” but realistically to do what exactly??? Stare at our baby in the dark???

I spent probably an hour apologizing to him after I snapped. And he’s of course hurt and frustrated because I said some very mean things in the moment.

I don’t want to be this jealous, angry person. But I also don’t know how to find time for myself in this right now outside of basic hygiene. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to be myself, even if just for an hour.

Maybe I need a therapist.

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Be easy on yourself 🫶 four months in is hardly any time. It IS hard, frustrating, lonely... I had countless hobbies before having my daughter and giving them up felt like losing myself. I find listening to audio books really helpful, comforting to feel less alone.

Your hormones are still adjusting, it takes about 2 years for everything to go back to normal. Im almost 2 years PP and that feeling that you mentioned about always needing to do something for the house or the baby is very much still there. I view it as looking out for future me. Having said that, it gets easier. You find routines.. my partner and i do the same roles within the house day in, day out. Weve found a balance that works ensuring we both catch a little break before bedtime. Perhaps thats something you could try? Write down everything that needs to be done in a day and share it out so you can catch your breath and find some time to do something you love for a little while? X

It's only been 4 months. Some of us take a lot longer than that to come into ourselves or relearn ourselves after motherhood. Right now, your mind is focused on protecting your baby.

Sounds like you should speak to your OB. And doesn't hurt to get a therapist as well. This is not unusual at all and at least you are aware of it

I promise you it’s happens especially with your first baby.It feels like you lost your identity while nothing changes for him
I used to be very mad at my husband when I had our first baby and my my mom was also around to help but still I get so angry that he could literally pick his keys and go out while I can’t,he could game with his friends while I am stuck with a baby etc
I resented him and it took 6 months plus,we didn’t have sex,I was just so cranky and Lord help him he messed the room,I would go full rage on him but he’s a doctor and he understands that it’s the hormones.It eventually got better and 2 years after I am with the second baby right now😅
It feels a lot easier this time,I get angry once in a while with this one but not as bad as the first time.
It will get better soon💝

in our community

How long did you wait?

Obviously you’re meant to wait at least 6 weeks after giving birth but is it still safe to do it before the 6 weeks?

Need advice!!

Posting as incognito as I don’t want to feel judged! I’ve tried getting hold of my health visitor but she never answers the phone.

My little boy is 13 weeks old and is breast fed, he won’t take to dummies or anything like that.

Since around maybe 11 weeks he has point blank refused to sleep in his next to me (he’s not been too much of a fan sleeping by himself in his own bed since birth but would sleep in there for a good 5 hours) at night time so for 2 weeks I’ve only been able to get him to sleep in bed next to me on the boob, now he also has not been able to sleep without boob in his mouth and if I move an inch or even go for a wee he kicks off immediately (he just wants to be on my boob throughout the whole night) nothing myself or my partner has tried has worked, I’ve tried pumping and giving him a bottle before bed but that made everything 10x worse to the point he refused to sleep for 4 hours. I’ve even tried leaving the room so my partner can try patting him off/ cuddling him but my boy screams to the top of his lungs until I come back and then he’s fine. He also sleeps absolutely fine during his naps too with the occasional fighting his nap time.

He’s had a sleep regression at 12 weeks and is now out of that sleep regression and is also teething but I just genuinely don’t understand why he’s is like this now! I honestly feel like a prisoner in/ tied down to my own bed at night and I’m also starting to dread bed time as I’m not getting a full nights sleep from where he’s stirring looking for my boob constantly/ looking to make sure I’m still there and where my body won’t let me be in a deep sleep where he’s sleeping next to me.

It’s genuinely getting to the point where I’m feeling down and emotional all the time and where I’m not sleeping properly I’m a lot more snappy with my partner/ others than usual.

Sex postpartum

I’m only 2 weeks postpartum and all I want is my man! It’s actually awful having to wait so long! He doesn’t want to take any risks either even though the NHS advice these days is “whenever you feel ready” but he’s struggling to wait for 6 weeks too.
We’re gonna wait because it’s the safest thing to do but damn, it feels longer than the wait for the baby to be born 😩😂

Swaddling??

Just curious, who all swaddles their babies and if so why or why not?
Me and my partner don't we never have and honestly think our LO hates being restricted anyway!😆

Nappy Caddies

I have bought two nappy caddies one for upstairs and one for downstairs, please tell me what I should have in each!

Second baby but brain has frozen!!

Thank you 🤍

Baby fighting sleep

Our baby girl is just over 4 weeks old and we are really struggling with her fighting her sleep during the day then she gets over tired and screams the house down. I start trying to get her back to sleep almost straight after a bottle so within 35 mins of waking up but she will still be awake hours later, or she goes to sleep but then wakes up 5 minutes later. Is it something I’m doing wrong, her screaming upsets me because she is inconsolable!